Letting Go (Mitchell Family #1)(66)
Author: Jennifer Foor

“Hey! Are you okay?” He pulled me into his arms. “I am sorry he is being such an ass. If you want to go home after the funeral, we can ride together.” He offered.

I pulled away from him and went over to sit on the porch swing. Once Ty joined me, he waited for a reply.

“What if I didn’t stay for the funeral?” I asked.

“Van, I know you are hurt, but he doesn’t want you to leave.” Ty reassured me.

I shook my head. “I know what happened was a terrible tragedy, but I can’t help him if he can’t stand being around me. He is pushing me away Ty and I don’t know what else to do to help him.”

“I am so pissed at him for being like this.” Ty announced.

I grabbed his arm and stopped swinging. “I don’t blame him. This is exactly how I acted when I thought I lost you. By keeping everyone out, he doesn’t have to feel. He is preventing himself from getting through this. I just don’t want my being here to be an added stress for him. If it would make things easier, I can just go home. “

“You really love him don’t you?” He asked.

I started tearing up just thinking about leaving Colt. I couldn’t say the words, so I just moved my head up and down, while the tears started falling again.

“Do you want to be alone Van?”

I shook my head and leaned it on Ty’s shoulder. He used his legs to swing us slowly, but never said another word. Instead, he just sat there being my support, my rock through all of this.

Chapter 36

Colt

I spent the night in the damn guest room at my mother’s after Savanna tried to get me to open up. I knew damn well what I was doin’ to her and for the life of me, I couldn’t stop myself. I wanted to be alone; to just deal with things on my own.

Ty’s little intervention ended up in Savanna boltin’ out of the house. I looked out the window and watched as she disappeared down the road. Everything that came out of my mouth was wrong. I had been so overwhelmed with guilt and regret regarding my father, that I hadn’t seen what I was doin’ to my own relationship. I was pushin’ away the person that I wanted a future with. I was doing it because I didn’t want to ever feel the pain of losing the person that I loved after so many years of bein’ together. I didn’t want to feel the way that my mother was feelin’. There was a part of me that wondered if being alone permanently was a good solution to my issues.

Once I heard them talkin’on the porch, I headed into my office and closed the door. I hadn’t really been in here in months. Good thing that my cousin was pregnant and stayin’ here to hide out from her scumbag of a boyfriend. He had several bench warrants out for miscellaneous small crimes he committed in our county. This was the second criminal boyfriend that Miranda had managed to get hooked up with. We all tried to set her up with more suitable guys, but this one went and got her knocked up. Now she wasn’t even sure if she could keep the baby and be able to raise it herself.

When my ex finally moved out and I got word that my uncle needed help at his farm for the summer, it seemed logical to let Miranda stay here. She took care of the house, filed all of the incoming bills and statements and kept me from getting too far behind on my duties here at the ranch. People didn’t understand how much paperwork was involved in running a business like our ranch.

After sifting through a massive pile of invoices, I opened my laptop and started surfing around the internet. This morning I was supposed to go to the funeral home to make arrangements with my mother. There was no way in Hell that I was goin’ to let her go there alone. Last night I could hear her crying from clear across her six thousand square foot house. I hated hearin’ her cry, but there was nothin’ but a bunch of time that was goin’ to fix her broken heart, if that would even work.

My cell phone vibrated and I pulled it out to view the message.

Mom wants to leave in twenty. ~ A. Karen

After responding back to them that I would be there, I closed the computer and went up to get changed. My bed had been made and all of my clothes were picked up off the bathroom floor. I noticed Savanna’s things on the vanity top and smiled thinking that I liked the idea of her being here. I wish she could have understood that I just wasn’t ready to let her in. It wasn’t because I didn’t love her, she had to know how much I did, but it was because I just couldn’t handle talkin’ about it yet. Savanna kept pushin’ me to open about it. I didn’t know how to do that.

After a quick shower, I looked in the mirror and didn’t even recognize the person staring back at me. I was in need of a shave and I looked like I hadn’t slept in months. Dark circles were under each of my eyes. I felt exactly how I looked too.

I shook out my hair and just left it to dry on top of my head. I didn’t think anyone at that funeral parlor was goin’ to judge me for my appearance. Within a few minutes I was out the door. Savanna was sitting on the porch swing alone. She was looking right at me and I could tell that she was upset. The problem was that I didn’t want to get into it with her right now. I didn’t have time to talk things out even if I was ready to.

I looked down on the porch deck. “I have to take my mother to make arrangements.”

“Okay.” She said quietly.

“I will be back when we are done.” I started walkin’ down the steps.

“Colt?”

When I turned around I saw Savanna leaning over the porch railing. “Yeah?”

“I love you.”

“Me too.” I said as I headed to my car.

I knew she wanted more, but I had more important things that I had to tend to. My mother needed to be my first priority. I wouldn’t leave her by herself to do this.

The smell of a funeral home is something that you never forget. My mother was no longer cryin’. Instead, she seemed incoherent. She made her selections and signed over the check, but her actions were like a robot. She answered the questions as if they were rehearsed. I helped her make the basic selections when she asked, but mostly I just sat there next to her. Luckily, she didn’t have to buy a plot. My family had their own already.

I was glad to finally get back in the car. My mother was quiet at first and when she finally started talking she caught me off guard. “It was nice of your girlfriend to be here for you.”

“Yeah, it was.”

“Did you ask her to come?”

“No. She wanted to surprise me. I had no idea.” I shook my head. “I don’t even know if it was a good idea for her to come here. Not now.”