Love’s Suicide(11)
Author: Jennifer Foor

It was already dark outside, and surprisingly the push light still had enough battery to come on when I tried it. I looked around the small wooden house and thought about all of our great times and some of our bad ones.

When I got a chill, I grabbed an old blanket and went to put it around me. A big spider crawled across it and I threw it down on the floor. An envelope fell out of it that had my name scribbled on it.

I shook off the blanket and squashed the spider before wrapping it around me to keep warm. Then I sat down on the hard wood floor and opened the envelope. It was weird. I didn’t remember ever bringing a note up into the tree house, and I knew Branch hadn’t been up in there for years.

When I unfolded the paper it was all explained.

Dear Kat,

If you’re reading this letter then I’ve already left for the Army. Which also probably means that I was too chicken shit to tell you how I really feel about you.

I don’t even know why I’m writing this, because you’ll probably never come up into this tree house again. In the chance that you do, I need to set things straight, once and for all.

The first thing you need to know is that from the first day we met, as infants even, I loved you. I can’t remember one day where I didn’t, so it has to mean it’s since birth.

The second thing you need to know is that I wanted to tell you when we were twelve and had shared our first kiss. I know you remember that night. I pulled you aside and asked you to do it again. I was going to tell you, but I got called in for dinner. That next day you lost your parents and being your friend was more important than any horny kids’ feelings.

So I waited.

The thing was, I accidentally told Branch all about it. He told me that you secretly confided in him that you liked him, but didn’t want to hurt my feelings. It was a shitty move, but well played by him. He knew that if I thought you wanted him, I’d back off.

I waited for the day that you would break up with him, hoping that one day you’d want me instead. After time, I knew it wouldn’t happen. Our family was too close, and my parents wouldn’t tolerate a scandal like that, besides the fact that I couldn’t destroy the whole family over it.

I stepped aside and let him have you. I watched him hold you and kiss you, day after day, until I finally couldn’t take it anymore.

One night, I snuck into your room. You thought I was Branch and I didn’t correct you. You asked me to make the pain go away and so I did. I wanted to be that guy that you needed.

That was when I lost my virginity.

I’m not sorry about it either, because I know it is something I will never regret.

You’ll probably hate me now, but that wasn’t the only time it happened. I snuck into your room the next year, on the anniversary of your parent’s death, again. I wanted to be the one to make your tears go away.

Now that you know the truth, you’ll understand why I had to leave. I want you to be happy with my brother. He’ll treat you right and give you everything you want.

Maybe when we’re older, with gray hair and lots of children, we can be friends again.

Until then, know I love you.

I always have and I always will.

Love, Brooks

All I could do was sit there, reading what he’d written to me years ago. My mind was going crazy for more answers. I was desperate to reach out to him, but knew I’d be ruining my happy day with Branch. He’d just proposed to me. I couldn’t just spring something so extreme on him without it causing a major strain on our relationship.

I sat in the cold tree house rereading the letter, experiencing it like it was the first time, over and over again. Snot was running out of my nose and I knew I was a blubbering mess to look at.

Finally I got myself together enough to climb down and go back inside. Branch met me at the door, got one look at my face and wanted answers. “What’s wrong?”

I shook my head and thought of the first thing I could to not bring attention to the real reason I was a mess. “I miss my parents. I went out into the tree house and saw the lights on next door. I could see them inside, so happy.”

He pulled me into his arms, and I felt both relieved to have his support and happy that he’d believed me. It wasn’t like it was a total lie. I had noticed the family next door through the kitchen window, but they’d lived there for a while, and I was used to it being someone else’s.

Branch took me by the hand and led me upstairs. Once inside of his room, he shut the door with his foot and covered my cheeks with both of his large hands. “I don’t want you sad today, babe. We’re celebrating the birth of Jesus and the future that we’re going to have together.”

I looked at my ring and it immediately calmed me enough to smile. “I know. I’m sorry.”

He backed away from me. “How about you take off that dress and come show me how happy you are to be engaged?”

In that moment I was a bit confused to be honest, albeit I wasn’t about to divulge that type of information to him. Instead I backed up and started slowly taking off my clothes. He was sitting on the bed removing his clothes with all eyes on me.

When I was standing there, completely naked, he held out his arms, in which I walked over and fell into. Our kisses were slow and he moved his tongue against mine as if we had all the time in the world.

I could feel his warm hands running up my waist and over my chest. He circled my ni**les with his finger and leaned in to caress and touch each one of them. I bit down on my lips and concentrated on every single inch of me that he was handling. When he reached between my legs, I closed my eyes and let the fire ignite. Branch was there, giving me everything that I ever wanted. I cried out when his fingers entered me, and we were finally on the bed together.

He kissed my abdomen, then my thighs, before trailing his lips over the top of my sex. His mouth lingered over it, brushing it enough for me to yearn for more. Then like every time we were together, he applied protection, moved up and entered me.

He was almost always on top, not that I minded. I liked wrapping my legs around his back and watching him work up a sweat. Except, only moments later, he was biting on the pillow next to me and finishing.

Afterwards, I lay there next to him, watching him until he fell asleep. He looked so peaceful that I didn’t want to wake him when I couldn’t get comfortable.

I dressed into comfortable clothes and roamed around the house until I came to Brooks’ door. It creaked when I opened it and I made sure nobody had heard me before I snuck inside.

His room had been straightened up, either by Danica or their new cleaning lady that came monthly. It took me a couple minutes to find his art book and turn to the page where I’d found my picture. I traced the lines of my face on the paper and cried to myself, thinking about how different things would have been if my parents hadn’t died that day.