Love’s Suicide(19)
Author: Jennifer Foor

His brow creased. “And you think I’m not? My God, Kat, I left the state because I couldn’t watch you with him for another second. You think it’s hurting you? How do you think I felt when that pastor put me in his place? Do you know how hard it was for me to not announce to everyone in the room that I belonged there and it wasn’t a mistake?”

My sobs were continuous as I stared right at him. “What am I supposed to do, Brooks? It’s too late. You should have fought for me back then. You should have told me how you felt. Branch said you didn’t like me that way. How could I have known?”

“Because you felt it in here.” He pointed to my heart and kept his hand there. “Because deep inside you knew how I felt about you. It was never a secret. I worshipped the ground you walked on. When you were sad, I was there. Not him! I was the one to wipe away your tears. You should be wearing that God damn dress for me, not my brother!” He was so angry, and it was pouring out of him. When he turned to face me, he had tears falling down his face. “You broke my heart, Kat. You pushed me away, like an old toy. That’s why I stopped hanging out with you. It’s why I stopped wanting to do things and stayed by myself. Do you know what it was like to hear you and him sneaking around together? How do you think it made me feel?”

I was crying so bad that I could barely see him. “I’m so sorry, I didn’t know.”

He threw his arms in the air. “You didn’t know? How could you not know? Even my f**king parents knew. Don’t tell me that you lived in the same house with me and saw me every single day, but were oblivious to how I felt about you?”

“I swear, it’s true.”

He started pulling out his key card again. “You know what? It doesn’t even matter now. There is no us. You’ve never really been mine and I’ve spent the last few years being okay with that.” He opened his door, but didn’t go inside. “I’m not going to kiss you, because it won’t get us anywhere, and you’d be cheating on my brother. No matter how much of an ass**le he is, you’re marrying him in less than twenty-four hours. I can’t go back there again. It hurt too f**king much the first time, and it’s going to take everything I have in me to get through tomorrow.” He looked down and then back to me. He’d stopped crying and just seemed annoyed at the situation. “I think we should just call it a night and start over in the morning.”

I stood there watching his door close with him inside and me standing in the hallway.

Seconds passed and he never opened the door again. All I could do was walk away. I knew it wasn’t healthy for me to be so upset about Brooks, and after Branch’s rude statements I couldn’t even think about him without cringing.

When I got to the elevator I watched the doors open and saw Melissa standing there. She’d changed her clothes and came walking out smelling like she’d even showered. “Oh my God. Are you alright?”

I wiped my face. “Yeah. Branch just upset me, that’s all. Just wedding drama. I’m fine, really.”

“Do you want me to come back to the room?”

She was going to be with Brooks. I knew it and I couldn’t do anything about it. I needed to get away from her and everyone else before my heart exploded out of my chest. “I’m fine. I’m going to take a walk and then go to bed.”

She kissed me on the cheek and got all giddy. “Wish me luck. I’m going for it.”

The elevator doors closed as she started walking towards Brooks’ room.

I hit the button to the top floor and sank to the bottom of the elevator, unable to hold myself up. I knew it was going to be impossible to calm down before morning and without my parents I felt like I was all alone. For the first time in a long time I needed them to hold me and tell me what to do.

I don’t know how I found it, but I made it to the rooftop and ignored the signs telling me that it was for employees only. The brisk air hit my face, and I covered my body with my arms. The little lights brightened the skyline, and I walked close to the edge of the building to get a better view. From afar I could see the Pentagon.

That’s when I fell to the ground and began to weep.

Without the twins I was completely alone. Sure, I had Walt and Danica, but they’d never be my parents. I didn’t have anyone to tell me that I was being irrational, or that I should follow my heart, no matter what the cost.

I was so empty that I wanted to close my eyes and never wake up. Love had ripped apart, so much that I was considering not going on at all.

It was a shame that imagining ending my life was better than hurting the two people in the world that I loved the most.

Chapter 10

I don’t really know how long I’d been lying on the freezing cold rooftop, nor did I hear anyone approaching, but there he was, crouched down in front of me.

I looked up at Brooks and tried to wipe the snot off of my face. “How did you find me?”

He shook his head and looked around. “Well, it’s not exactly a tree house, but I figured you’d run to high ground. You always did.”

I sat up and watched him remove his jacket and wrap it around my back. “It’s freezing up here, Kat.”

“I know. I don’t care.” I looked away from him. “Where’s Melissa? I figured you’d be all over that.”

He knelt down across from me and put his hands on his knees. “You would assume that. Look, I never said I wanted to sleep with her. I told her that maybe we could hang out. Honestly, I figured she’d get so drunk that she’d pass out and forget I said it.”

“So where is she?”

“I don’t know. She showed up and knocked and I thought it was you. When I saw her standing there, talking about how much of a mess you were, I told her to get lost; in a nice way, of course.”

“She’s probably looking for me.”

“She thinks you ran to Branch to make amends, because you have that motto where you never go to bed angry.”

I wanted to laugh. That motto had been thrown out the door months ago. “Yeah, I don’t really care about that anymore. In fact, I don’t really care about anything anymore.”

I put my head down between my knees and tried to calm down.

“You look like shit.”

“Thanks. I appreciate that.”

“No, I mean I’ve never seen you look so upset. Is it because of me? I didn’t mean to be so harsh with you. I just couldn’t let things happen between us. You understand, right?”