Love’s Suicide(26)
Author: Jennifer Foor

“No. I feel terrible. They were the only family I had left. I can’t go back there. I’ve got nowhere else to go.”

She looked in the backseat at her children and then back to me. “We’ve got a trailer on our farm. It used to be for our farm help to live in, but he’s got his own place now. It’s a filthy mess, but with a good scrubbin’ it could get better. I’ll have to talk to my husband about rent, and he’s not the givin’ kind of man, but it’s better and cheaper than stayin’ in some hotel.”

I couldn’t take my eyes from her. “You don’t even know my name. Why would you do this for me?”

“I try to live my life like a Christian would. Now, I don’t know what happened to make you do what you did, but it’s not my place to judge you. Anyone can tell you’re hurtin.’ It ain’t like I’m handin’ you a bone and not askin’ for anything. To be honest, we could use the extra income. I’d much rather have you livin’ there then some derelict.”

An hour later, I’d gotten my things from the motel and we were pulling up at the farm. The main house was two-story and looked a hundred years old. The trailer was off to the side of the property near a barn. We pulled up to it and a man, wearing bib overalls approached us.

“What are you doin’, Sarah?”

“This is…,” she paused waiting for me to say my name.

“I’m Katy Michaels.”

“What’s she doin’ here?”

Sarah handed me a bag, seeming to not care about his questions. “She’s goin’ to be rentin’ out the trailer. I told her we’d come up with a good amount for rent. She’s already got a job, so you won’t have to worry about money.”

He looked at me and spit in the plastic cup he was holding. Black saliva sat at the bottom of it, and I wanted to cringe knowing what it was. “It’s three-hundred a month, due the first. If you’re late, it’s an extra fifty.”

I smiled. “Sounds good. Thank you.”

He gave Sarah a dirty look and walked away.

“My husband can be a jerk sometimes. Don’t mind him. We’ve had a bad year.”

My first thought when I walked into the trailer that smelled of stale cigarettes was to run and never look back. I wanted to be back in that roach infested shit-hole hotel instead of calling this place home.

“I’ll bring over some cleaning supplies and we’ll give it a good scrubbin’. Why don’t you take a look around while I unload my groceries and feed the kids lunch. I’ll call Bobby and have him get your car towed while I’m inside.”

She turned around before walking outside. “I know you probably heard it already, but I’m Sarah.”

I held out my hand. “It’s nice to meet you.”

She smiled and agreed. “I’ll be back soon.”

The furniture had been covered with sheets. After putting the groceries in the cabinets, plugging in the refrigerator and other appliances, I started looking around. The trailer was old and needed work, but it had two bedrooms and one bathroom. The kitchen was big enough that it had a table and the living room had a sofa, loveseat and small television.

Once I’d familiarized myself with the place, I sat down and started opening my new phone. The service was terrible from being out in the country, but with two bars I dialed Melissa’s number.

“Hello?”

“It’s me, Katy. I just want you to know I’m okay.”

“Where are you? Branch came looking for you. The shit hit the fan when you left. He thinks you and Brooks ran off together. It seems that he disappeared around the same time you did. Have you heard from him?”

“No.” I started to worry, wondering what had happened. Then I remember writing the letter. If he’d gotten it, I’d shattered him so bad that he had to leave. I started to cry. “Oh my God. What have I done?”

“Just breathe, Katy. Where are you? Are you safe?”

I looked around the trailer. “I’m safe. I even have a place to rent already. It’s a long story, and this is one of those prepaid phones so I don’t want to use all my minutes. Just know I’m okay. I’ll call you once a week to check in.”

“Katy, I’m really going to miss you. Just so you know, I’m not mad at you. You and Brooks should have been together. I hope you know that.”

I did, but it didn’t change anything. “Thank you, Mel. Don’t forget not to tell anyone you heard from me.”

“Take care and Merry Christmas.”

When we hung up I lay down on the covered couches and cried. I hadn’t even considered that I was two days from Christmas. In the midst of all of my problems it made sense why two strangers would take a leap and give me a chance. I probably didn’t deserve it, but I was grateful.

I’d run from my mistakes and taken the cowardly way out. I’d never considered what Brooks was going to do when he found out I’d left him.

My heart hurt for a whole different reason and I knew it was never going to heal. I didn’t know what I could do to keep going when I felt like I was already dead on the inside.

Finding a place to lay my head and a job to make money was only half of my battle. Coming to terms with my actions was another kind of war.

Chapter 14

January 2011

I’d been living in Sumter South Carolina for nearly a month. The holidays had passed and with them went the last of my hope of ever being happy again. Don’t get me wrong, I was glad to have a roof over my head and a friend like Sarah to talk to.

Earlier in the month I’d received good news and gained another friend.

My car was on its last leg, and after hearing what it would take to fix, it had sat at the repair shop, untouched. Sarah drove me to the restaurant in return for me watching the kids one night a week so she and her husband, Dave, could have a night out together.

He was coming around, being nice to me when I was nearby, and he’d even let me spend Christmas dinner with them. I had to admit that seeing them interacting like a family was hard. The last time I’d seen a little girl with her father, it had been my own. Sarah was kind and sat with me, offering comfort.

I guess for messing things up so badly, I had a bunch to be grateful for. My job was steady and we had regulars that tipped pretty well. I’d used half of my savings to pay my first month’s rent and buy myself some things for the trailer.

Sarah had been right about it needing a good scrubbing. It took us nearly two days, but we managed to bring it back to life. Underneath a few years of filth were some surprisingly nice things. We ended up covering the couches in some old fabric she had in her attic. She taught me how to use her sewing machine and make patterns to guide me. We even had enough fabric to make matching curtains.