Love’s Suicide(61)
Author: Jennifer Foor

He turned around, noticing I was naked first, and answering me second. “I needed to be able to change in the morning before my shift.”

That’s when it hit me. “You’re staying?”

Brooks sat up, watching me kneeling on the floor rummaging through my suitcase for clothes to wear to bed. Since I’d been in such a hurry, I’d forgotten to pack pajamas. He laughed at me and unzipped his bag, tossing me an army t-shirt. “Here, just put this on. I don’t sleep with it on anyway.”

The idea of wearing his shirt gave me chills. I could literally picture myself smelling it when he wasn’t looking. “Thanks.”

I stood up and looked around the room for a place to change, realizing I had to go in the bathroom. It was hard to keep reminding myself that Brooks and I were just friends. No matter how attracted we were to one another, our relationship was platonic.

I walked into the bathroom and changed, then came back out to sit on the bed across from him. “So, are you sure you know how to stitch?”

“Yeah, I learned it in basic. I need you to get under the light and let me look at it. I may need to clip a piece of hair to be able to get a clean stitch.” He reached in his bag and pulled out a bottle of whisky. “You’re probably going to want to drink this.”

“Seriously? I’ll get drunk.”

He laughed. “I’ll keep you from stripping and handing out your number to strangers. Just take a few swigs and lay on your stomach.”

The alcohol burned going down, but I did as he said. He was gentle, not that it helped. It hurt bad and there were several times that I wanted to scream out like a baby.

When it was all said and done, he cleaned the area again and kissed me on the forehead. “All fixed.”

I turned around and smiled. “Thanks.”

Assuming he would get up and move to the other bed, I sat there looking at him. When he kept staring, I felt my body getting flushed. “Bobby knew you were still in love with me, didn’t he?”

That loud thumping was happening again in my chest. My ears began ringing and I swear there were stars circling around my eyes. I was alone with Brooks in a hotel room. The last time we’d been in this same position, we made our daughter. I swallowed the lump in my throat and stared into his eyes when I answered. “Yeah, he did.”

Chapter 35

Brooks didn’t move. He just sat there staring, as if he assumed I would lie about it. “Kat, you really told him you loved me?”

I shrugged. “It was never a secret. He knew it when he met me. He was the person that held me when I cried about you. He was there for me when I had B, knowing that I didn’t love him. He asked me to marry him and said that he knew I wasn’t over you. After some time I came to love Bobby, but he’ll never be you. I thought I learned that after the Branch fiasco, but obviously I can’t learn from my mistakes, because here I am married to another man that I’m trying to convince myself to fall in love with.”

I looked down at the bedding, afraid of what was coming next. In some ways I wanted to close my eyes and fall into Brooks’ arms. On the other hand, I knew I’d be committing adultery. I didn’t want to be that kind of person and it hurt me so much knowing that everything I ever wanted was sitting a mere inches away and I couldn’t have it.

“I’m not the saint you picture me to be, Kat. I’ve seen and done things that I’m not proud of. Living in another country was hard. Sometimes I needed the comfort of a woman. It never meant much to me, but sometimes it helped with my sleep problems. You keep punishing yourself for the things you’ve done, but I don’t see those things are all that bad. You ran from the family because you thought you tore us all apart. Don’t you see that it wasn’t you? It was me. I did it. I was the one that took you to my bed that night. It was selfish, and could have been done the right way, years before. I wanted to hurt Branch. I wanted to shove your love for me right in his face, because after all that time, I was tired of him having what should have been mine all along. I knew that being with you would ruin your engagement and I went for it out of spite.”

I could feel my bottom lip shaking. He was right. For so long I’d blamed myself for not being honest. I’d always loved Brooks and feeling like he didn’t want me made me settle for Branch. I did love him, albeit it didn’t compare to my deep connection for Brooks. “I supposed this all could have been avoided if we knew how to communicate with each other.”

Brooks let out an air-filled laugh. “Yeah. Probably.”

He reached for my hand and I let him take it. When he brought it up to his own lips, he held it there like he was smelling my skin. “Brooks, what do you want to happen now? I mean, once I figure out how to get a separation and file for divorce, which I am sure I’m doing, what do you want to happen? Can we be best friends again, after all this time?” I started thinking about him being with other women. It was as if I were being stabbed in my heart.

Brooks scooted his body close to mine and reached his arm around me. He looked directly at me. “Kat, I can’t be your friend. I’m sorry, but I can’t be that person anymore.”

I had to look away, because the tears were already starting to drip out from my eyes. He grabbed my chin and made me look at him again. “What are you crying for?”

“I don’t know. I guess I keep feeling like even after everything we’ve been through, we could run off and live happily ever after. It’s stupid, I know. I thought that after the past few days we’d never want to let each other go again.”

The smirk on Brooks’ face made me feel like he was going to make fun of me. “I don’t want to be your friend, because I need more than that. Open your eyes woman. I want to be your everything. I always have.”

I wrapped my arms around him and cried against his chest. “Why didn’t you just say that? I thought you didn’t want anything to do with me.”

“Jesus. I’m alone in a hotel with you and our daughter. Can you name one other place in the world I’d rather be?” he kissed my head and kept his face there. “I’ll wait as long as it takes to get things sorted out with Bobby. As of right now, whose name is on the birth certificate as B’s father?”

“You.”

He seemed shocked. “That’s good to know.”

“I told you that I never kept it a secret from anyone here. “

B sat up in the bed and look around. Her hair was sticking up in the back and I could tell she was confused about her surroundings. She looked from me to Brooks and put her bottom lip out. “Mama.”