Love’s Suicide(7)
Author: Jennifer Foor

I closed my eyes and hugged my pillow. Brooks climbed into the bed next to me and pulled me into his arms. “I can’t have my sister mad at me.”

“Get off. I don’t feel good, I told you.”

He laughed and rolled away. “Branch isn’t here, you know. You don’t have to pretend to not care, Kat. Natalie was fun, but that’s it.”

I pulled my pillow over my head. “Seriously, I don’t want to talk about this.”

He wouldn’t leave, and I was too tired to even begin to deal with him. “I’m staying until we talk it out.”

“I guess you’ll be here all day then. I’m going back to sleep.” I rolled over and put the pillow over my ear so that I couldn’t hear his mouth anymore.

Unfortunately I could still hear him, muffled through the fabric and stuffing. “I didn’t sleep with her, Kat.”

I closed my eyes and pretended that I hadn’t heard him. Brooks stayed in my bed for only a few more minutes.

“I really need to talk to you about something. Please, just hear me out?” I kept ignoring him. If he thought I was mad then I’d made my point. He wasn’t going to keep messing with my head. If he was mad about something that I did, he needed to learn to tell me instead of torturing me.

I didn’t wake up again until the afternoon. Not only did I feel well rested, but I didn’t have an annoying person in my bed next to me.

When I went downstairs I found both of the guys playing a video game. It was basketball, and I knew how long those things lasted, so I sat down next to Branch and closed my eyes.

I assumed they’d been talking about things before I came into the room, because Branch didn’t seem shocked when Brooks made his announcement. “So, I told Mom and Dad earlier. They know I leave right after graduation.”

I kept my head rested on a pillow when I asked, “Where are you going?”

They never took their eyes away from the television. “He enlisted,” Branch announced.

“What? When?” I sat up feeling like all of the air in the room had dispersed.

“Last week, like you care,” Brooks said as he scored a three pointer in basketball.

I did care. The idea of him going away was tough enough, but imagining that this kind of decision could end his life, if he was ever deployed, made me frantic. I couldn’t stand to lose anyone else that I cared about.

It was irrational for me to take offense to his decisions. He had every right to do what he wanted, but I was pissed that he wouldn’t think it would hurt me. Didn’t he know how I felt about him and how all of his actions were eating me up inside?

“We all care. What made you want to do that?” I was trying to ask normal questions without freaking out in front of Branch and making him suspect that I cared more about his brother than I should.

“I want to be able to give back to our country, Kat.” He was being rude, like I had no business even inquiring about his decision. “You’ve got until June to make amends with me,” he added.

I rolled my eyes again. “Whether it’s June or next week, it wouldn’t change my opinion of you.”

Brooks threw the controller and stormed out of the room, like I’d said something hurtful. I had meant it like no matter when he left I was still going to hurt the same.

Branch sat his controller down and pulled my legs towards him. “That wasn’t nice, babe.”

“I meant that we’d miss him the same.” Okay, maybe I said it sarcastically to get a rise out of him, but I didn’t see him overreacting the way he had.

“It wasn’t how it came out. All I heard was you telling him to get lost.”

I felt terrible, but I was hurt. “Well, I didn’t mean it that way. Maybe if he wasn’t being such a jerk lately he would have known.”

He patted me on the legs. “Go apologize. Mom is already freaking out on him. He needs our support. I know he pissed you off last night, but maybe he’s scared and wants to occupy his time. He can’t be up our asses every second. Since we share the same DNA I’d say that he’s probably horny constantly.”

He wasn’t making me apologize for thinking his brother’s whoring around was okay. It wasn’t.

“Fine, I’ll go talk to him.”

I stormed out of the room, desperate to tell Brooks that I was sorry. I didn’t want him thinking for even a second that I wouldn’t miss him. I knew we hadn’t been on the same page, but not having him in my life anymore wasn’t an option for me. He’d promised to spend every weekend with us once we started college.

I found him lying on his bed, throwing a ball at the wall and catching it. I avoided sitting next to him and chose to stand. “Can we talk? I think you misunderstood me back there.”

“I didn’t misunderstand anything, Kat. I get that you want me out of the way. Trust me, I want to get the f**k away from you and my brother too.”

“That’s not true and you know it. Why are you saying things like that?” I knew I said I wouldn’t sit down, but I couldn’t help it. My ass hit the bed and I turned to face him. “We would never cut you out of our lives. How could you even think that?”

He stopped tossing the ball and looked at me. “Do you love my brother?”

I gave him a flip kind of look. “What? Why would you ask me that? You know I do.”

“Yeah. He loves you, too. Don’t you get it? I can’t sit around here while you two are planning this fantastic life together. I’m drowning in your f**king happiness.”

“Don’t say it like that. We’d never push you away. It isn’t like we’re broadcasting ourselves. We hang out just like we used to.”

“It’s different, even if you don’t see it. As far as pushing me away, well, you don’t have to, Kat. I’m the one walking away.” I used to love when he called me Kat, but this time it was different. It was his way of telling me to drop it.

“I don’t want you to go.”

He laughed. “Did my brother send you up here, or did you come by yourself?”

I shrugged. “Both.”

He shook his head like he was disappointed. “Just go back downstairs. I’m not going to waste my time explaining and I’ve already signed everything. I’ll be eighteen and able to leave on my own free will. You and Branch can go off to college and ride into the sunset on your white stallion for all I care.”

I was sobbing silently while my lips trembled. “That’s not fair. Why are you being so mean to me?”