Love’s Suicide(94)
Author: Jennifer Foor

I cried harder, feeling like nothing that I’d done was the right decision. “Being with Brooks is so easy. I know it’s stupid, but it’s almost like we share a heart.”

“Or a soul? Maybe that’s possible. We’ll never know. Look, life isn’t always wonderful. There are ugly parts. You know that more than anyone. What you do with those ugly parts is what makes you the woman you are. I can’t tell you what to do, but you need to imagine your life without Bobby and your life without Brooks. If what Bobby wanted was for you to be happy, then somewhere in your heart you’ll be able to forgive yourself.”

Brooks had offered me similar advice a while back.

I couldn’t talk anymore and after my confession I fully expected Danica to catch the next flight out. Instead, while I cried and B slept, she began cleaning my house.

My heart was so heavy, and right in the middle of all the pain was the man that I was pushing away.

Chapter 54

I should have known that I wouldn’t get much rest. Aside from having to sleep on the couch, since my bed had been destroyed, I tossed and turned thinking about Brooks and everything else.

I could hear the sounds of the critters and insects outside and nothing else. I stared at the ceiling for a while, and even got down on the floor and started picking up things that were still out of place.

Danica was sound asleep in B’s room with her and I didn’t want to wake either of them by turning on the television.

I attempted to count sheep, think about where I walked, where I needed to go in the morning, but nothing was letting me go to sleep.

Finally, around two in the morning, I couldn’t stand it anymore. I had to hear his voice. I knew that because of how he’d left, I was too messed up to be able to rest.

I was surprised when he answered fully alert. “Kat, is that you?”

I started crying immediately. “Yes. It’s me.”

“Please don’t cry.”

“I can’t sleep. All I keep thinking about is being without you. I feel so sick over it. My head is all over the place. I feel like everything is my fault, but I also know that there’s no possible way I could ever give up on us. I just feel so lost, Brooks.”

I wondered if he was rolling his eyes at my latest attempts at feeling sorry for myself.

“Babe, I’m not going anywhere. I promised you that no matter what happened I’d stick around and I meant it. You’ve got a lot going on, but in time you’re going to see the big picture. You’re going to know without a doubt that we should be together. I know I get hardheaded about you. It’s only because I’ve waited so long to start our life together. Now we’ve got a little girl to raise. As much as I hate that you’ve got baggage, it doesn’t mean I’ll give up. Nobody is going to come my way and take your place. You have my heart, Kat. You always have. Please calm down. I hate it when you’re so upset.”

He wasn’t helping me to stop crying. Instead, I was sobbing harder. “I know I love you and I know I’m supposed to be with you. That’s never been my problem.”

“Yeah, I know. I feel the same way.”

I missed him already. “Will I see you tomorrow?”

“Do you want to see me?” I hated that he even had to ask.

“Of course.”

The side door frightened me, especially since I wasn’t able to get up quick enough to see what was happening. I heard footsteps and looked up quickly to see who was coming through the doorway. Then I heard his voice, both on the phone and in the kitchen. “How about now?”

I smiled through my sniffles. “I thought you left?”

We both hung up our phones at the same time.

“I did. I drove around for a while and then came back, seeing as I had a feeling you were going to need me. I can see now that I was right.” He crossed his arms and stood there looking at me. It didn’t even bother me that he always knew what I was thinking. It comforted me and made me feel like I was never alone.

He didn’t come over and sit on the couch. Instead, he leaned on the doorframe separating the kitchen and living room.

“What if I didn’t call?”

He shrugged. “I’ve slept in worse places than a truck. I would have gotten up and drove in to work. I wasn’t leaving you three girls here alone. Since you obviously needed some space, I gave it to you.”

“Your mom was nice. We talked for a bit. I told her about Bobby. I may have left out a few details, but she knows everything there is to know. I can’t tell whether she hates me or not. I think I already hate myself enough for the both of us.”

“She doesn’t hate you. Didn’t she tell you that you were her daughter, just a few days ago?”

“That was before she knew I was a lying, married, awful person.”

“Do you hear yourself?”

“It’s true.”

“You lied because I asked you to. I told you to keep it from them, because I thought it would be easier. I didn’t know Bobby would show up, and if I had, we could have been prepared.”

Even though I still had pent up guilt, I had to focus on one mess at a time. I looked right at him, feeling upset at how we’d left things. “Will you come sit with me?”

“Will you let me?” He was seriously asking me, because I’d led him to believe that we couldn’t be together.

“I’ll always let you. Stop asking such stupid questions. You never have to ask me.”

He sighed and walked over, sitting down and kicking off his boots, before turning his attention to me. “Come here.” He put his arm around me and pulled me down against his chest. It wasn’t sexual or even romantic. Brooks wanted me to know that he was there for me. He was protecting me like he always had before. “Try to get some rest.”

I laced my hand inside of one of his. “Please don’t go anywhere, Brooks.”

“You are on top of me. I don’t see how I could sneak out without you noticing.”

“Will you tell me a story that I’ve never heard?” I kept my eyes opened, but listened to his heart beating in his chest.

“Let’s see. Can it be about anything?”

I nodded again and played with his fingers that were laced with my own.

“Before I left for boot camp, I asked Branch if he planned on marrying you someday. I don’t know why I did it. I guess maybe I just needed that push to tell me that I was doing the right thing by leaving. At any rate, he told me that as long as I wanted you, he’d have you. Do you believe that c**k sucker said that?”