Love’s Suicide(93)
Author: Jennifer Foor

He shook me, not violently, but more as if he were trying to wake me from a sleep. “Don’t do this, again.”

“Brooks, what if I can’t move forward? Look at my house. A man is dead. Our love is like poison and everyone around us ends up getting hurt. How much more has to happen before you see that?”

His reddened eyes looked away, like looking at me made it all so much worse. Then, without another word, he left the room.

I heard the front door slam and a vehicle starting. It was obvious that I’d hurt him. I wasn’t trying to hurt anyone. That was the point. I couldn’t be responsible for what happened when Brooks and I were together. It wasn’t fair.

I fell down on the floor and began sobbing. My house was a disaster and I couldn’t even call the police to report it, because the person responsible had already met his fate. Everything was out of control and I felt like I was being sucked into a vicious black-hole with no way to escape.

Danica gave me a little while alone before she came in to help me up off the floor. Maybe she knew I didn’t want her opinions. It was especially hard for her considering that she treated me like I was her daughter. Picking sides wasn’t ever something she could do with a good conscience.

“What am I going to do?”

She helped me up and got me standing. When I went out into the living room, she helped me get seated comfortably on the couch and propped up my feet. “About what, Katy? If it’s about this house, we’ll clean it up. If you’re asking about Brooks, that’s something you need to decide. Just keep in mind that he can only handle so much rejection. Maybe instead of shutting him out, you should let him be there for you. Brooks knows you, probably better than you know yourself, right now. No matter what you’re going through, he’ll understand, as long as you don’t push him away.”

“Bobby’s dead because of me,” I said in a whisper.

“That man is dead because he made poor choices.”

I shook my head, unable to accept that she knew anything about the situation. “You don’t understand. All he ever wanted was for me to love him. I tried, and for a while I thought I did. Obviously, it wasn’t anything like I feel for Brooks, but it was becoming something to build off of. The moment I found out Brooks was alive –”

“Alive? Katy, you thought he was dead?”

I nodded and started to sob, covering my face with both of my hands. “His letters stopped. I called Melissa and hung up before they could tell me that he’d just been injured. I didn’t know they were sending him home. I didn’t have a clue that he was coming home to be with me.”

She put her hand on my shoulder and started rubbing it. “My God, I can’t imagine what that must have been like for you.”

“I felt like I couldn’t breathe. If it wasn’t for Bobby, I’d still be lying in my bed, without the will to go on. He understood how much I loved Brooks and still wanted to be with me. Granted, it was the reason that he started drinking and eventually hitting me.”

“What? He hit you?”

I nodded and cried harder. “Brooks came here to be with me, and when he pulled up at the house and saw that I was with another man and had a child, he gave up on me. I never knew he’d been here. I swear to you that I didn’t know.”

“I believe you, but I need to know how you found out?”

“I got a letter a few weeks ago that must have been lost in the mail. It was postdated from February and explained how he was coming home to start a life with me. I didn’t tell anyone about it. I just got in my car and drove to the base. There was no way I could go without knowing. I had to see it for myself. Brooks walked out of that building and I felt like I could breathe again. Not only was he alive, but he’d been living so close to me. What he didn’t know was that Brooklyn was his child. He told me that he wanted nothing to do with me and then I confessed.”

“You should have seen the look on his face when he told me to leave. It hurt so much knowing that I’d hurt him again. I hated myself for not telling him about B. When I left, I went to pick her up from the babysitter. When I got home, Brooks was sitting at the kitchen table with Bobby. After that, everything started becoming the mess that led to all this. Bobby started hitting me again and Brooks wasn’t going to sit around letting it happen. He hid me from Bobby at a hotel near the base.

That was the first time that we spent the night together. We should have waited, but after so long apart and sharing the excitement of our daughter, things happened. It was his idea to bring us home to you and Walt. He thought we’d be safe while waiting for Bobby to be served papers ordering him stay away from us.

I was so caught up in being with Brooks, finally after so long that I went along with everything he said. It was his idea to tell you he knew the whole time. It was his idea to lie about being married. He just wanted our family back together, and for what it was worth, it meant everything to me too. I’m so sorry. I know you must hate me for doing this to the family, again. I promise that I won’t keep B from you. I’d never do that.”

“Stop.” She closed her eyes and kept her hand on my shoulder. “Just stop and let me take this all in.”

“All you have to know is that this is my fault. I agreed to marry Bobby and he expected me to change. I ruined his life and now I’ve ruined mine.”

“That wasn’t fair to either of you, Katy. He should have known that he couldn’t change things. You can’t help who you fall in love with. Nobody expects you to be a saint. I’m angry with your approach, but I do understand how you felt like it was the only way. Our situation is difficult. You being in love with my sons and also considering you my own daughter, it was always a potion for disaster, but we let you all figure it out amongst yourselves. Bobby couldn’t expect you to change something that you’ve felt your entire life.”

I smiled, knowing that she was right. I’d loved Brooks Valentine my whole life. The idea that he’d just walked out of my house so upset was killing me. “I think when he thought I’d lost Brooks forever, Bobby thought he had a chance. Shit, I even told him he did. We were trying to have another baby.”

“Katy, you were doing what you thought was right. Whether it was a miracle or miscommunication, Brooks was suddenly back in your life. Anyone in your situation would have been compulsive with their decision making. You felt like you’d gotten a second chance after experiencing all of the emotions of losing someone.”