Never Forget (Memories #1)(54)
Author: Emma Hart

Then reality intrudes.

And once again, I’m all alone with only the night for company.

I know, without him, I’m falling apart inside. Every beat of my heart, every breath I take, they’re forced. I force them to keep holding on, to keep fighting against the pain that creeps through my body every time I think his name.

For someone I never wanted to get close to, he’s holding my heart and soul in his hands.

The silence is deafening and I pull my gaze from the stars, dropping it to my feet. My hair falls around my face, creating a thick curtain, hiding me from the rest of the world.

What Gram said makes sense. I know why he didn’t tell me – but I don’t know if that actually makes it okay.

Will it ever be okay? Without him?

My stomach tightens. I squeeze my eyes shut as more tears burn them.

I don’t want to cry anymore. I don’t want to hurt.

I want to be taken in and mesmerised by those stormy eyes. I want to curl my fingers in that dirty blonde, messy hair. I want to press my face into his neck as he holds me tight against his body.

I want to forget the pain and just – be.

My hair moves from my face and I feel fingertips brush my scalp. I know that touch.

"Princess," he whispers. "Don’t cry."

Damn silent sand.

I sniff and look up – away from him.

"I’m sorry. I’m so, so sorry." His words are soft, full of emotion.

It’s been two days since I heard his voice. Those two days have seemed like an age, and my heart automatically speeds up as my ears drink his voice in like my lungs take in oxygen.

Like I need him to live, to breathe, to be.

"I.." He pauses and I risk a glance at him. He’s looking at the stars, the way I was. "Do you remember the last time we looked at the stars?"

"How could I forget?" My voice is wispy, barely there.

"That was the night I knew."

I look up at him at the same time he looks down at me.

"That was the night I knew I’d fallen in love with you. I remember looking at you, curled in my arms with your hair fanning across my chest and thinking, ‘what did I do to have her believe in me?’"

Emotions play across his face and this time I let myself see them. Guilt, sadness, regret. He’s broken, just as much as I am. Regret floods in his eyes, swimming with the blue and grey hues of each iris.

"I never wanted to hurt you.” He raises a hand and cups my cheek. "If I could take it back, I would. Believe me, Princess. Every time I close my eyes I see the look in your eyes when you realised I knew about your Gram, and I hate that I put that there. I should have been there for you but instead I made it worse. Even if you can’t forgive me.. Just tell me you know I never meant to hurt you."

His hand is warm against my cheek and I turn my face into it.

"I know," I say quietly. "I know you never meant to hurt me. But you did."

He nods and gives me a sad smile. "Then I’ll take that."

He makes to move his hand and I put mine over it, stopping him.

"But I forgive you.” Tears well in my eyes again. "I know Gram didn’t want me to know and that’s okay. Well, it’s not, but you made her a promise and I respect that. I understand, Alec."

Hope flares in his eyes and he pushes hair from my face with his other hand.

"You forgive me?" he says in disbelief.

I nod and smile slightly. "I forgive you."

His face changes. He smiles, his dimples showing, and steps closer to me.

”Never forget, right?” I whisper, my eyes meeting his.

”Never,” he says softly.

We look into each other’s eyes for what seems like an eternity. I raise my hand and gently put it behind his neck, rising up on to my tiptoes as he lowers his head.

His lips meet mine. He wraps his arms around me, holding me tightly as if he’ll never let me go again.

He’s not perfect. I’m not perfect. But you know what?

That’s okay, because I’ve realised that love is seeing other’s imperfections, and loving them anyway.

EPILOGUE

ALEXIS

Four days after Alec and I made up, Grammy’s heart gave out. They managed to resuscitate her and she naturally fell into a coma. They said if it happened again they didn’t know if she’d come back.

It did. Two days later, exactly a week ago, her heart gave up the fight and we said goodbye.

Today, we say our final goodbyes. I stand in front of the church, dressed in black, knowing my beloved Grammy is lying in there. I take a deep breath and a hand slips into mine.

I curl into Alec’s side and he kisses my forehead. As if saying goodbye to my Grammy isn’t enough, we leave for London after her funeral. I have to say goodbye to Alec, too.

A battle of emotions fight inside me but I hold it together, accepting condolences and shoulder-pats from well meaning friends of Gram’s.

Many have stopped me over the last week to regale me with stories of years gone by. In Tesco, at the beach, they even stopped by the cottage a few times. I smile and nod when they do. I don’t need them to tell me how amazing my Grammy was. I know. I have my own novel of memories that will stay with me until I die and join her again.

The sun is shining through the stained glass window at the far end of the church, casting rainbows of light through the building. Grammy would have loved it.

When the first half of the funeral is said and done I step up to read my eulogy for her. I have no prepared speech, no scrap of paper like my brother did. Even if no words leave my mouth, she’ll know I was thinking of her.

I look up, casting my eyes over the church and I swallow. It’s packed. People are stood up. It’s a testament to Grammy. Alec catches my eyes and nods once. I can do this.

"If someone had told me nine weeks ago when my parents drove into the smallest town in history that I’d be stood here saying goodbye to my Grammy today, I would have told them where to go. I would have laughed and told them my Grammy was immortal, with foundations rooted deep enough on this Earth to withstand a tsunami.

"I also would have been wrong. I’ve found out many things over the last two weeks, things I didn’t know, but should have. It’s all because of Grammy.

"One last summer is all she wanted with me. I’ll always think I didn’t spend enough time with her, but time isn’t something you can measure. It’s what you do in the time you do have that matters. This summer I’ve laughed, cried, joked and danced with her. I’ve listened to her tease me and try to play Cupid. I know why, now.

"She’ll never get to watch me marry the man of my dreams, have children or graduate university. She’ll never watch me land that big fashion label I’ve talked about since my mother introduced me to Chanel at age seven, and she’ll never see my clothes on the runway. But, she’s seen me happy. She’s seen me fall in love and do some really, really crazy stuff this summer. Courtesy of Jen," I smile at my friend to a small rumble of laughter and she bows. "Seeing me happy was enough for her. Because of that, I’ve changed and grown into the kind of person I know she wanted me to be and for that, I’ll always thank her.