On Dublin Street (On Dublin Street #1)(42)
Author: Samantha Young

Clearly Braden had taken the night to let his anger simmer and boil over. I braced myself, trying to be understanding and not hurt him any more than I already had. “She doesn’t have my charity or my guilt.”

“Oh so I was right last night then.” Braden nodded. “Unlike me, she has your love.”

“Braden…” I choked out. I’d expected him to be like he always was. Braden was stoic, intimidating, immoveable and cool. Not vulnerable and bitter and angry. Basically a dick at a really inappropriate time. Then again, I’d dumped him hours after he learned his little sister might have cancer so, who was the bigger dick? “You don’t love me either, Braden.”

His eyes flashed at that before casting down my body and back up again, in a cold perusal that sent horrible shivers through me. His gaze came back up to mine and it was pale as ice. “You’re right. I don’t love you. I’m just annoyed I have to look for a new arrangement, especially when the old one wasn’t half bad in bed.”

I’d say I was a pretty good actor, but any more of his verbal assault and I was going to crumble under the pain. I turned away quickly, so he wouldn’t see what his words did to me. “I’d hoped that we could still be friends, but clearly you don’t want that. So can we just agree to not talk to one another unless we have to for Ellie’s sake?”

“If it were up to me, for Ellie’s sake, I’d kick your arse out and tell you never to darken our doorstep again. But Ellie doesn’t need that right now.”

Shock drew my head up and I gazed at him incredulously. “Are you kidding?”

He crossed his powerful arms over his chest and shook his head. “No. I can’t trust you. You’re f**ked up. I don’t think Ellie needs that.”

“Last night you wanted me here for Ellie.”

“I’ve had time to think about it. If I could, I’d get rid of you. But that would just cause Ellie more pain. She doesn’t need that right now.”

“You could do that?” I was almost wheezing. “Just throw me out of your life?”

“Why not? You did it to me last night.”

“No. I broke up with you. I didn’t throw you out of my life.” I glared at him. “But if I had known how little I really did mean to you, I probably should have.”

Oh.” Braden nodded. “That’s right. You don’t love me, but you care about me.” He shrugged. “Well I could give a shit about you.”

I locked my jaw, trying so hard to hold in the tears.

“As a matter of fact, I f**ked someone else last night.”

You ever had a shotgun bullet blast through your stomach? No? Me neither. But I have a feeling what I felt when Braden said that would be similar to being blasted by a shotgun. And really, not even the best actress in the world can mask that kind of pain.

I physically flinched at his words, my body jerking back, my knees almost giving out, my eyes wide, and my mouth open in horror. And then the worst happened. I began to cry.

Through my tears I saw Braden’s lips pinch together and he took two steps towards me, his whole body bristling. “I f**king knew it,” he hissed, still coming toward me.

“Don’t touch me!” I yelled, not able to bear the thought of him near me now.

“Don’t touch you?” He snarled, his eyes sparking violently. “I’m going to kill you!”

“Me?” I turned around and grabbed a plate off the dish rack and spun around, letting it fly at his head. He ducked and it smashed against the wall. “I’m not the one that f**ked someone two seconds after we broke up!”

I reached for a glass to throw, but Braden was on me, his strong hands pinning my wrists to my side, his body pinning mine against the counter. I struggled viciously but he was too strong. “Let me go!” I sobbed. “Just let me go. I hate you. I hate you!”

“Ssh. Ssh, Jocelyn,” he soothed, bending his head into my neck. “Ssh, don’t say that,” he begged against my skin. “Don’t say that. I didn’t mean it. I lied. I was angry. I’m a f**king idiot. I lied. I was with Elodie all night. You can call her and ask, but she’ll tell you the truth. You know I would never do to you what was done to me.”

His words penetrated my hysteria and I stopped struggling. And started trembling. “What?”

Braden pulled back to give me a pair of pale blue and very sincere eyes. “I lied. I wasn’t with anyone else. There hasn’t been anyone else since we got together.”

My nose was all choked up from crying so much, so I sounded like a five-year old when I murmured, “I don’t understand.”

“Babe,” his voice rumbled, the tenderness back, although I could still see the annoyance in his eyes. “I was pissed off last night when you broke up with me, and so I just walked away. I went to Elodie’s because I knew she’d be awake worrying about Ellie and I wanted to see if she was okay. She knew something was wrong with me as soon as she let me in. I told her what had happened and she told me what she said to you at the wedding, and she also told me that when she said that to you, you looked like you’d been slapped. And after, when we were dancing, she realized she was wrong about you.” He let go of my wrists to slide his hands into my hair, tilting my head back so I couldn’t look away. “I spent last night going over and over the last six months in my head and I know that you’re lying to me. I know you love me, Jocelyn, because there’s no f**king way I can be this much in love with you, and not have you feel the same way. It’s not possible.”

Heart pounding, fear clawing at my throat, I tried to swallow it down. “So what the hell was this morning?”

He squeezed my nape and bent his head closer to mine, his eyes definitely still dark with anger. “You’re not untrustworthy, you’re not cold and you’re not a bitch. You have… issues. I get that. We all have issues. But once I realized you were lying to me, I began to understand why. You think you never gave yourself away with me. You think you have time to backpedal and pretend nothing happened between us, because that way if anything ever happens to me, you can tell yourself you don’t care, and you don’t feel the pain.”

Oh my God, he was a goddamn psychic now.

“You’re also bloody good at pretending you don’t feel anything. I thought if I could hurt you this morning, I might get the proof I needed that you were lying.”

I pinned him with a look that said I wanted to rip his balls off. “So you told me you had slept with someone else?”

He nodded gently and brushed an apologetic kiss across my lips. “Sorry, babe. I did it to get to the truth… but if I’m honest I did it to hurt you the way you hurt me last night.” His eyes filled with remorse. “I’m really sorry. I never want to put that look on your face again, or ever make you cry again, I swear. But the truth is, you did cry. You cried because the thought of me doing that to you ripped you apart. You love me.”

I tried to gather my thoughts, my panic sending them scattering. There was too much to deal with, too much to discuss, and it all had to be later because Ellie needed us. “One: that was the shittiest thing in the world to do. Two: we can’t do this right now.”

“We’re not leaving this kitchen until you admit you love me.”

“Braden, I mean it.” I pushed at him sternly and he let me go, although he didn’t step back. “I’m still broken up with you. I’m not changing my mind.”

His eyes looked to the heavens and I watched him wrestle with his patience. Finally his gaze cut back to me and I could see the muscle in his jaw twitching. “Why not?” He bit out.

I wouldn’t explain it to him. He’d just find some way to argue around it and I just… no! “Because I just won’t. Now, we have a long day in front of us and a possibly even longer few months, so just… let it go.”

“Okay.” Braden threw up his hands and stepped back. I was just about to sigh with a small kind of relief when he spoke again, “For now.”

Oh hell. “What?”

He grinned at me, and it was a boyish weary grin aiming for wicked, but too tired and worried to reach it. “I love you. You’re mine. I’ll kill any bastard who tries to take you from me. So, here’s how it’s going to go: Ellie comes first, but while we’re taking care of her you can be as pig-headed as you want and pretend that we’re broken up. I’ll even let you. But I’m also going to be here, every day, showing you what you’re missing.”

My cheeks were still wet, my eyes swollen, and I knew I must look a mess, but right then I didn’t care. Part of me was overwhelmed and in awe. The other half of me was scared shitless. And holding on to both of their leashes was my headstrong persistence. “Are you insane? I’m not changing my mind.”

“Yes you will.” Braden sighed. “We’re going to need each other through this. All of us. But if you can’t do that, then I’m going to play hardball. I’m going to do whatever it takes. Some of it will frustrate you, some of it will turn you on, and some of it will hopefully really piss you off.”

“You are insane.”

“No.” We spun around to see Ellie standing in the kitchen doorway in her bathrobe, wearing a small, exhausted but determined smile. “He’s fighting for what he wants.”

“He’s not the only one,” I heard Adam’s voice as the front door opened and shut, and Ellie turned in the doorway to look out into the hall.

We waited as his footsteps approached and then he was there beside her.

Christ, he looked like hell. I’d never seen Adam unshaven before, and he was wearing a ratty old t-shirt, a parka and jeans that had seen way better days. He had dark circles under his eyes to rival Braden’s and desperation was etched in every molecule of his expression.

Adam took Ellie’s hand and brought it to his lips, his eyes closing as he pressed his mouth to her skin. When he opened them I saw tears shimmering there, and felt my throat close up. I watched Ellie’s breath catch as he tugged on her hand and pulled her into the kitchen with him to face Braden. All of sudden Adam looked a little sick. “I need to tell you something.”

Braden crossed his arms over his chest, frowning as he took in the two of them standing close together. “Go on.”

Adam closed his eyes briefly and then when he opened them I saw determination that I admired in the face of his bulldozer of a friend. “You’re like a brother. I would never do anything to hurt you. And I know I haven’t been what a brother would consider good material for his wee sister, but I love Ellie, Braden. I have for a long time now and I can’t not be with her. I’ve wasted too much time as it is.”

Ellie and I held our breaths as the two best friends faced off.

Braden’s eyes went to Ellie, his expression not giving anything away. God, he could be an intimidating a-hole when he wanted to be. “Do you love him?”

Adam looked back at her and she squeezed his arm. With a small smile she turned to her brother. “Yes.”