Pawn (The Blackcoat Rebellion #1)(64)
Author: Aimee Carter

When we reached the infirmary, Benjy set me down in a chair and pulled up another so he could sit beside me. By the time I looked up, Knox was gone. I didn’t see where he went, but there was only one place to go: Lila’s bedside.

Benjy didn’t say a word, and I was grateful for the silence. He rubbed slow circles on my back, and I struggled to forget the image of Augusta lying dead on the carpet.

Instead I tried to remember what Benjy’s face had looked like when she’d been moments away from killing him.

It didn’t help.

“I’m sorry,” I whispered. He stroked my hair rhythmically, and for a moment I pretended we were back in the group home and none of this had ever happened. It was just him and me, and the Harts were in a completely different universe.

“You have nothing to be sorry for,” he said. “You did what you had to do. Just—in the future, don’t risk your life doing it, all right?”

I tried to smile, but my chin trembled. “I should—I should never have left you and gone with Tabs. I only went to the club because I wanted to stay with you.”

My voice cracked, and Benjy nuzzled the top of my head. “I know,” he murmured. “You did the best you could with what you had.”

I didn’t deserve him. Burying my face in his chest, I let his shirt soak up the tears leaking from my eyes. “I’m sorry for everything with Knox, too.”

Benjy snorted. “I told him if he touched you again, I’d—”

He stopped, and I knew what he was going to say. He’d kill him. It wasn’t a joke anymore, though.

“Listen, Kitty,” he said, pulling back enough to look me in the eye. “I won’t pretend to be all right with everything that’s been done to you, but I know you didn’t ask for any of it. Lila’s engaged to Knox, and you can’t— you can’t still be her and not be. So—I get that. But you don’t have to be her anymore. We’ll get to leave now, and everything will be okay. We can go someplace where no one will find us.”

My fingers tightened around his. I’d been preparing to die ever since I’d injected that drug into Daxton’s veins, and the possibility of surviving this—I’d given up hope.

But in that moment, after everything that had happened that day, I let myself believe Benjy. Celia and Knox and Greyson would allow me to walk away from this, and no one would ever know that Kitty Doe hadn’t died after all. Benjy and I would find a place by the beach, and we would be happy. And neither of us would ever have to see another Hart again.

“That would be nice,” I whispered, and Benjy smiled and wrapped his arms around me once more.

A faint sound caught my attention. Four guards rolled a stretcher down the hallway, and I frowned. Who else was hurt?

As they came closer, however, I saw the black body bag lying across it, and I couldn’t tear my eyes away. The points of her shoes formed a tent at the end of the bag, and even though it hid her features, I knew exactly what was underneath the thick plastic.

Augusta, dead and full of bullets I’d put in her.

Greyson followed the stretcher, looking as pale as I felt.

His hands were stained with blood.

“Greyson?” I said. Instead of answering, he winced and looked away.

Something inside me snapped. I couldn’t breathe, and what little I’d eaten in the past day threatened to come up. I pushed myself away from Benjy and stumbled down the corridor. I couldn’t take Greyson’s anger, too. Not on top of everything else.

“Kitty!” called Benjy, his shoes squeaking against the tiled floor as he darted after me. I didn’t stop. Instead I ducked through the nearest door and slammed it shut, enclosing myself in darkness.

In the background, machines beeped and colorful lights blinked, but everything else was black. I took a deep breath. It wasn’t my fault. Greyson had to know that. Everyone had to know that. Augusta had forced my hand. If I could go back— If I could go back, I would have done the exact same thing. Augusta had made her choice, and so had I. As much as the consequences hurt, at least I could live with them. I would have died in more ways than one tonight if I’d let Augusta lay a finger on Benjy. Greyson was grieving for his family, and he needed time. Even if he never came around, even if he never wanted to see me again, I could only be thankful I wasn’t grieving for mine.

Slowly I calmed myself down, one breath at a time.

Once my head stopped spinning, I groped around the wall and flipped on the lights, blinking against the brightness.

As soon as my eyes adjusted, my stomach dropped to my knees. This was Daxton’s room. He lay on the bed, and Celia sat in the chair beside him, her gun dangling from the tips of her fingers.

“Celia?” I said, her name catching in my throat. She didn’t acknowledge me. Instead she stared at Daxton blankly, as if she didn’t even see him. But I did.

His eyes were open.

“Daxton?” I said. He was watching Celia, but when I spoke, he focused on me.

“Lila?” he said weakly, his voice hoarse with disuse.

Lila. He thought I was Lila. But he’d been in a coma since before Lila had returned, and if he thought I was her, then— Did he remember she was dead? Did he remember I’d been Masked? Or had he been awake longer, and did he know about Lila returning?

At last Celia stirred. “Is that you?” she said, her eyes bloodshot as they searched my face. “I saw them carrying you into the trauma ward, but I thought it might not be you, and I didn’t know for sure—”

“Can I talk to you outside?” I said shakily.

She rose and followed me out the door. The cramped hallway seemed to press down on me and make it impossible to take a deep breath. Benjy waited nearby, but when he saw Celia and me, he moved a respectful distance away. Still within earshot, but at least we would have the illusion of privacy.

“What are you doing here?” I whispered. “You were supposed to find Lila and—”

“I couldn’t.” Her lower lip trembled, and she looked seconds away from falling to pieces. “I stood there for ages trying to get a clear shot at the guards, but I couldn’t.

When I stormed them, at first they didn’t shoot, but when I hit the first one with the tranquilizer, they fought back, and I had to get away.”

The gunshot. The shouting. It had been Celia after all.

“You came down here?” I said, glancing over my shoulder. Other than Benjy, we were alone in the hallway, but that wouldn’t last long.