Pulled(13)
Author: A.L. Jackson

Let me come get you.”

“No, Dad. I’m fine. No.” I shook my head, trying to get the words out as I tripped over them. “I mean, no, I’m not fine, but I’ll be okay, all right? I just need to be alone right now. I promise I’ll explain it tomorrow at dinner, okay?” I just needed him to give me some space. I’d have to pul myself back together before I told my family of the horrible mistake I’d made.

“Daniel…” He hesitated, trying to keep me on the phone.

“Dad, I promise. I’ll be there tomorrow.” I knew Mom and Dad always had the underlying fear that I was so depressed I would hurt myself, but I could never do something like that to them. I’d rather live in complete misery for eternity than cause them any more pain than I already had.

“Okay, son. But if you need anything, call.”

“Yeah, Dad. I will.”

I made my way through the hallto my apartment. I hung up the phone and slowly turned the key in my lock.

I knew it’d be all over once I walked through the door.

I swung it open and stepped inside. The barrier broke and the emotions came crashing down, bringing me to my knees.

I gasped as the sorrow took over—sorrow both for the loss of the baby girl I had so desperately wanted and for the guilt over the one that made me sick to think about.

October 1999

“I’m late.”

I was so freaked out by the look on Melanie’s face it took me a minute to comprehend what she was saying. Her intense green eyes were filled with so much fear and anxiety that I had started to think of every horrible thing that could have happened to her in the last two hours, so this took me by surprise.

“You mean, like late late?” I asked, moving my hands from her arms to her face, forcing her to make eye contact with me.

All she did was nod and try to look down.

“Hey, it’s okay, baby. We’ll be okay, no matter what.” I gathered her back up in my arms, trying to ease some of her anxiety. It was hard to do with my own anxiety building in the pit of my stomach.

“No matter what?” she asked as she looked back up at me. So much emotion swirled behind her eyes it made me dizzy.

“No matter what,” I smiled softly at her and nodded. “So, what do we need to do? I mean, have you taken a test or anything?” I didn’t know if she was telling me this was a sure thing or not.

“No, not yet. I’ve kind of been ignoring the signs, but I couldn’t exactly do that anymore after I puked up my lunch because Erin was eating a piece of pizza.” She laughed, shaking her head. I glanced at Erin’s car in front of Melanie’s house, and realized my baby sister would already know all about what was happening.

“Erin knows?”

“Yeah, she figured it out before I did.”

“So, it sounds like we need to take a trip to the store?” I didn’t want to start freaking out before I knew if I actually had something to freak out about.

“Yeah, I think we do.” She squeezed my hand, clearly seeking comfort from me.

I felt shocked, but I knew I needed to be strong for Melanie. She was the one who still had to finish high school, and I couldn’t imagine the amount of pressure something like this would put on her.

I mean, I always wanted to be a dad, and after I had found Melanie, there was no other woman I could even imagine having a child with. But right now, it was just so soon.

At the same time, there was some unknown feeling growing within me. A slight smile tugged at the corner of my mouth as I imagined my Melanie with her stomach swollen with our child. There’d never be anything more beautiful than that.

The front door opened, and Erin walked toward us, tentative.

“Hey, big brother.” Her words were soft and filled with emotion.

I couldn’t help but reach for her and pull her into a hug.

“Thank you for taking care of her.” I knew it was hard on Melanie with me being so far away, and it took some stress off me knowing Erin was spending time with Melanie.

I came down almost every weekend, but it was difficult at times, keeping up with school and making the almost two-hour trip from Boulder to Colorado Springs every Friday, but Melanie was more than worth it.

It was hard not seeing her every day, but it was only for the year. Once she graduated in May, she would join me at The University of Colorado, and we’d be together again. For the time being, though, I spent every extra minute either studying, going to class or on the phone with Melanie.

It looked like we were going to need Erin even more.

“Anything for my sister.” I loved hearing Erin call Melanie that. My heart swelled with the thought of my family, that picture now including a baby attached to Melanie’s hip and my arms wrapped around them both.

I felt the shift as my shock gave way to joy, and my anxiety now was at the possibility of a negative test result. I smiled to myself, realizing just how ready I was to take this step with Melanie. We might be young, but there was no love stronger than ours.

“What does it say?” I took turns ringing my fingers together and then running them through my hair as I paced back and forth in the tiny space.

Melanie, on the other hand, sat rigid on the toilet lid and waited for the test to change. After what felt like an hour, she looked up at me. “It’s positive.” Oh, my God, it was positive. I was going to be a dad. I struggled with emotions that swelled inside me. It was overwhelming and entirely consuming, but the best explanation would be a sense of completion. Joy radiated through my body, and I’m sure settled somewhere on my face. I didn’t think my smile could get any bigger.

I had to touch her. I lifted Melanie, holding her close to me. I peppered her with kisses as I told her how happy I was.

“You’re not upset?” she asked as she reached out and touched my face, her fingers leaving a trail of fire across my skin.

Upset? Melanie thought I was going to be upset.

That had to have been why she’d been so apprehensive, barely meeting my eyes when I got home.

“Mel, how could I be upset? There’s nothing I could ever want more than having a family with you.” I had to let her know how committed I was to her and our baby.

“You know the biggest desire in my life has always been to be a dad, even more than being a doctor.” It was true.

There was nothing more important in this world.

A timid smile crept to Melanie’s lips and tears filled her eyes. She had to be so scared. Hell, I was terrified, but I needed to let her know it would be okay.