Razor’s Edge (Shadow Stalkers #1)(5)
Author: Sylvia Day

He turned, grateful for the sunglasses shielding his eyes. “Something’s gone down back home.”

“Oh.” She bit her lower lip. “Do you have to go?”

Facing her disappointment only strengthened his resolve to stop being selfish. He had to think of her first. “Not yet.”

Her chin lifted. “I’d understand if you had to go. Riley would, too.”

“You shouldn’t have to understand.”

One of her brows arched. “Really? Says who?”

“Let’s not do this now.”

“Later, then. Right after this is over.”

It was already over. Not that it ever really had a chance to begin.

RACHEL picked up the last bit of torn wrapping paper that had blown beneath the patio table and straightened. Her house was almost back to normal . . . except for the brooding deputy attacking her gas grill with a steel brush.

Jack had grown strangely quiet since taking that phone call a couple hours before. He managed smiles for Riley, who’d loved every one of the too-many gifts Jack had given him. Gifts that were craft sets or science projects or models. Things that were taught or built. Rachel took note of the fact that a man who worked with death and destruction was fostering a love of discovery and creation in her son. But Jack was unable to muster even a ghost of a smile for her. Instead, when their gazes met, he looked . . . ravaged.

She shoved the trash in the garbage bag beside her and yanked on the handles to seal it. Then she approached Jack, coming up behind him and wrapping her arms around his lean waist. Even though he’d seen her coming, he tensed when her arms encircled him. She was grateful her mother-in-law and Stella had taken Riley to Target to spend his gift cards. It gave her the chance to get things straightened out with Jack.

She slid her hands beneath the hem of his shirt and caressed his washboard abs. “Stella tells me I need to keep you around and exploit your mad grilling skills.”

He set one hand over hers, stilling her movements. “Flipping burgers isn’t enough to fix my faults.”

“Oh my God, you have faults? What a relief! I was beginning to think you were perfect.”

Jack set the brush down and turned carefully to face her. “Rachel.”

She pushed up his sunglasses to reveal his eyes. They were completely shuttered. “What was the phone call about?”

“Nothing you should have to worry over.”

“Bullshit. Whatever was said to you has you pulling back. Since I’m the one you’re pulling back from, I deserve to know why.”

Exhaling harshly, he pulled off his sunglasses and hung them from the collar of his T-shirt. “One of the guys on the team had a scare today.”

Rachel listened to his voice as he told her what happened. It was tight and clipped, his jaw taut. Someone he cared about—one of the very few—was hurting now and that was hurting Jack.

“You know you can talk to me about anything, right?” Her fingers stroked soothingly across his nape. “The good, the bad, and the ugly. It helps to get it out.”

“I don’t want you involved in stuff like this.”

“I’m already involved.”

“You don’t need this crap in your life,” he said harshly. “Riley doesn’t need it.”

“We need you,” she retorted, “and you and the job are a package deal.”

“You’ve got me.” His dark gaze was stormy. “I’ll always be here for you, just as I’ve always been. We just need to keep things simple.”

That was ridiculous. What they had was totally complicated. He was complicated, and he was used to keeping his circle of friends small and tight. Letting her in probably scared the shit out of him on a level he didn’t even recognize. Because then he could lose her, one way or the other.

He was going to figure out, real quick, that she had absolutely no intention of getting lost.

seven

“Simple, huh?” Rachel backed away from him and headed into the house. She needed a beer. Maybe two. “As simple as living in the same town?”

Jack followed her. “As simple as keeping things the way they have been until last night.”

She wondered if he heard how gruff he sounded, how defensive.

Reaching the fridge, she pulled out two beers and set one down in front of him. They faced each other across her kitchen counter with equally wary and examining glances.

“You don’t get to make that decision by yourself, Jack.” She twisted off the top of her beer and took a swig.

His gaze narrowed. He had his game face on, dangerous and inscrutable. “I’ll make the decision if it keeps you safe.”

“I think the person you’re trying to save is yourself.” She pointed at him with the neck of her bottle. “I scare you.”

“Thinking of something happening to you scares me.” He opened his beer and drank, watching her as he swallowed.

“So, you ride off into the sunset, and I’m here safe and sound . . . until I get carjacked at the gas station. Or robbed at the store.”

“Not the same thing,” he argued. “The level of inherent risk with me is much higher.”

“Shouldn’t I be more worried about you not coming home than the reverse?”

“I know what I’m getting into when I go to work. You didn’t sign up for this.” Jack ran his hand through his hair. “The last thing I want to do is bring more traumas to your life. You and Riley need someone who comes home every day. Someone who leaves their work at the office. Someone—”

“Like Steve?” she interjected. “A guy who never had a moving violation in his life. No speeding tickets. A guy who never drove without his seat belt on. Who would have thought he’d die in a car wreck? No one. Terrible things happen to unsuspecting people every day. It’s part of living, Jack. There’s no way to go through life risk-free.”

“I’m not bringing the shit from my job to your doorstep. Period.”

Rachel’s foot tapped on the tile floor. “You think I didn’t know what I was taking on when I seduced you? I’m a grown woman with a child who depends on me. I don’t jump without looking. You seem to be forgetting how well and how long I’ve known you.”

“Steve didn’t know the gritty details of what I do. If he had, he never would have wanted you anywhere near me on a permanent basis.”

Her gaze moved to the photo of Steve and Jack on the mantel in the next room. She could barely make out the details from where she stood, but the image was indelibly etched on her mind; she could see it with her eyes closed. Both men were dark-haired and brown-eyed. Both were tall and fit. But that was where the similarities ended. Steve’s handsome Asian features reflected his fun and easy charm, while Jack’s gaze was shadowed and his smile guarded. Steve had been content with the simple things in life—like her. Extroverted and spontaneous, he was known and liked by damn near everyone; Jack was hard to know and harder to understand.

Yet she loved them both madly.

Rachel looked at him. “You were the brother Steve never had. He trusted you with his life. But I don’t make my decisions based on conjecture about what my deceased husband would think of them.”

“Don’t you?” he challenged softly, his eyes so dark they looked black. “Tell me Steve isn’t the reason you came over last night.”

“Steve isn’t the reason I came over last night.” She lifted her chin. “I loved my husband. I couldn’t have loved him more. He was everything to me and if he were alive right now, what happened last night would never have happened. But he died, and I came to terms with that. I changed. My needs and wants changed. And now, when I look at you, I don’t think about him. I don’t think about you in relation to him. Half the time, I don’t think at all, because I’m too busy appreciating the view. If you gave me some kind of best friend pity f**k last night, that’s on you. Don’t try and say that’s where I was coming from.”

Jack was oddly still . . . except for the rapid tempo of his breathing and the fevered brightness of his eyes, both of which betrayed far more volatile emotions.

Rachel frowned, catching on to the fact that she was missing something. She didn’t believe he’d made love to her for any other reason than that he’d wanted to, but she was beginning to think he hadn’t attributed the same motivation to her. “What’s going through your head?”

“It doesn’t matter. I was wrong.” He looked down at his bottle, which he twisted and turned atop the counter. There was a softness to his features that tightened her chest.

“Most especially in thinking you could put on the breaks and slide into reverse.” She bent down and leaned to the side, catching his lowered gaze. “There’s only forward, Jack. I stopped looking back a while ago.”

JACK stared at the vibrant woman looking at him in a way he’d never allowed himself to even dream about and knew he was done. He was never going to be able to say no to her. Not now. Not in the future. He wanted to give her everything, make her happy, keep her safe.

As if she knew what he was thinking, she said, “The safest place I can be is right next to you.”

“Not when I’m the reason you’re endangered to begin with.”

“So you spend some of your off-duty days teaching me how to shoot a gun until I’m dangerous. You help me pick out an outrageously expensive and comprehensive alarm system for the house.”

“Which house?”

“Both. For now.” She smiled. “And you wear a bulletproof vest all the time. No crazy heroics.”

“All the time?”

“Except when I want you nak*d.”

His mouth twitched. “I was hoping that would be all the time.”

“After last night, that is all the time.”

“Then I’ll be wearing body armor only rarely.”

“If you want me to kick your ass and deny you sexual favors, try it.”

Jack lifted his beer to his mouth to hide a smile. It was inappropriate considering the seriousness of the discussion, but Rachel always had that effect on him. She made him happy in spite of himself.

“You can talk to me about anything, Jack,” she said softly, all levity gone. “You can ask me anything, and I’ll try to come through for you. But you can’t tell me to let you walk away. I can’t do it, I can’t let you go.”

He swallowed and looked around the condo she’d bought after Steve died. It was the perfect size for her and Riley. The kitchen boasted new stainless-steel appliances and was big in relation to the overall square footage, which suited someone who baked for a living. The window over the sink had curtains with cupcakes on them—a housewarming gift from Steve’s mom.

“You have a good life here,” he noted. “You’ve got family nearby and a new business. Riley has his friends and classmates.”

“I do have it good.” She set her elbow on the counter, then her chin in her hand. “You do realize, don’t you, that I never could have done what I did last night with any other man? I can’t even imagine throwing myself at anyone else. Even with Steve, I waited for him to make the first moves. I was always afraid I’d stir up more than I could handle.”

Jack forced himself to breath deep and easy, trying to slow the rapid beating of his heart. “I was rough with you. I’m sorry.”

“No, you’re in love. And I loved every moment with you. I wouldn’t change one thing that happened last night. I told myself I was strong enough to take you on, and now I know I can.” She smiled gently. “That’s not a surprise is it? That you’re in love with me?”

“No. I knew.” He watched as something hot and tender swept over her face. “I also know loving someone means wanting what’s best for them. I’m not good for you.”

He held up a hand when she opened her mouth to speak. “Hear me out. Any minute now, my phone could ring and I will have to go. Christmas, your birthday . . . I can’t promise I’ll be here. Once I leave, I won’t always know when I’ll be back. One of these days, you’re gonna wake up and realize you want someone around full-time.”

Rachel straightened. “I’ve been getting by on my own with Riley for two years. I don’t need a man around just because. I don’t have any problem going to bed alone. What I want is you. Not some interchangeable guy; not someone like Steve. Look at it this way: I already have the cake. You’re the icing on top, with sprinkles, candied fruit, and chocolate drizzle.”

“And I’m just as bad for your health,” he muttered.

“I want you going straight to my hips. I want the sugar rush and the toe-curling deliciousness. I’ve earned it.”

She licked her lips and his dick went hard, remembering what that mouth had done to him when he’d stepped out of the shower that morning.

Taking a deep breath, Jack laid it out there. “You’re asking me to risk losing you and Riley completely. I can live with what we’ve got now, but nothing at all . . . I don’t think I’d survive it.”

Rachel rounded the counter. “I’m deliberately keeping this light, because I don’t want to scare you off. I’m saving the heavy stuff for later, when you can’t run. I was thinking you should be handcuffed to the bed before I tell you that you’re stuck with me for the rest of your life and I’m the last woman you’re ever going to bed with.”

She walked right into him, hugging him tight. He had to restrain himself from squeezing her too hard. God, he was crazy for even thinking this could work.

“In the meantime,” she went on, “we’ll start with a race to see who can acquire the most frequent-flier miles by the end of the year, and work from there. Week by week, you’ll learn that not being able to live without me means living with me. Eventually, you’ll get used to not being alone and we’ll both become familiar with this new take-no-prisoners version of myself that you inspire.”