Redeem Me (Kin #6)(12)
Author: Jennifer Foor

I was incapable of being in a real relationship, because I lacked the kind of people skills that it required. For better terms I was like a child in an adult’s body. I looked the part, but couldn’t understand basic communication. If I did, I’d have a boyfriend that I was madly in love with.

Speaking of the word love; it hurt. In my vast vocabulary I’d never experienced such a powerful word. It brought happiness, security, hope, and then pain. For the first few days I tried my hardest to convince Parker that I’d change. I called his cell phone, texted messages, and even wrote him letters that I slipped under his door.

He refused to respond to any of them.

Had it not been for my pushing I would have sworn that there was someone else, but I knew better. He’d asked me time and time again to stop prying where my nose didn’t belong. He practically begged me to let it go.

Why couldn’t I?

I mean, why did I even care? We had a good relationship, and I loved him with all of my heart. Why did his family matter so much to me? If it was jealousy then the joke was on me. I was left even lonelier than I was growing up.

I thought that when my mother got sick I’d cried a river of tears. I knew that wasn’t literal, but it certainly felt like it was. Nothing could have prepared me to how this breakup affected me. I sobbed so hard that my eyes swelled shut. I couldn’t go to my classes, because I couldn’t stand to crawl out of bed. Losing Parker made me feel like my whole life wasn’t worth living. I felt like I wanted to give up, because my future that I longed for wasn’t going to happen. It’s how I also knew that my feelings were real. Only love could hurt this much.

By Friday I finally got the hint that he wasn’t going to talk to me. As much as it hurt, I knew I’d never hear the end of it if I didn’t get back on track with my studies. Luckily I was such a good student that my professors allowed me an extension for being sick. At least, that’s the excuse I gave when I emailed them.

Since I didn’t care to associate with my wild roommate, I decided to go to the library and get started on my makeup work. Before I knew it I’d spent half of the night behind a book. A volunteer had to come over and kindly ask if I could finish up. For the first time in years I had to walk home alone. Parker wasn’t there to keep me safe. I gathered my things and began on my short walk back to the dorm. I made it halfway before my phone started ringing. Since I wasn’t the most popular person I knew it could be one of three people.

I picked up before even looking to see who the caller was.

“Hello?”

“Hey, baby, it’s me.”

“Parker?” My heart immediately began to race. I became so excited to hear his voice that I had to sit down on a set of steps outside to catch my breath.

“Yep. It’s me. Who else would be calling you at…” He paused for a minute, like he was looking at the time. “Quarter till twelve?”

I could hear noise in the background. After concentrating on it, I realized that it was music. “Where are you?”

“I’m out with my brother. I’ve got a confession to make. I might be intoxicated.” He started laughing at himself.

“Did you say you were with Shayne? So, you went home for the weekend?”

“I’m at the beach. I had to get away from you, and all your questions. Why’d you have to pry, Cam? Why couldn’t you just stop askin’?”

The smile left my face. He was obviously drunk, asking me questions that I didn’t want to get into, especially over the phone. “Parker, I’m sorry.”

“You’re sorry? Do you have any idea how much this hurts me? Woman, I’m f**kin’ miserable without you. All I wanted was for you to leave well enough alone. We could have been happy, Cam. I would have spent my whole life giving you everything you deserved.” I could hear his voice breaking up, like he was fighting back his emotions. I’d seen Parker get emotional after he had too much to drink, and knew it was happening again.

“Where’s Shayne?”

“He went to take a piss. He broke the seal a while back. He’s a pu**y drinker, can’t hold his liquor anymore.”

I knew it wasn’t the time, albeit I couldn’t help myself. “I love you.”

“I’ll always love you, Cam. You’re the one for me. I knew it from the very beginnin’.”

It made me cry more. “I know you’re just calling me because you’ve been drinking, but I missed you. I just want you to forgive me.”

“No can do, baby. I can’t let you in. Some things are best buried in the past. Trust me; you don’t want to know anyway. I’m not a good guy.”

“Yes you are.”

“No. I’m really not. I’ve done things. I’ve hurt people.”

He snickered after that then continued speaking. “Hey, do you remember that time we snuck into the indoor pool after it closed? I talked you into swimmin’ in your panties. I think about that all of the time.”

“I remember.”

“Yeah. That was back when life was good. It was when we first started datin’. I knew when I first saw you that I had to have you.”

“You’re the first boy I ever loved,” I started to cry harder when I said it. I don’t know why, because it wasn’t a secret. Parker knew he was my first love. He knew everything about me.

“I had to work so hard to get you to give me a chance. Then I finally got into those panties. It was worth it, Cam. You’re the best.” He chuckled. “I like how you’re so ticklish. It makes me horny.”

“When will you be back? I want to see you.”

I heard Shayne’s voice in the background.

“Dude, I leave for one minute and you get right on your phone. Where’s the self control?”

“I was callin’ for a pizza. They aren’t home.”

The line went dead.

I sat there for a few minutes staring at the screen. Not only did it fail to ring, but the backlight turned off, leaving me there in the pitch black. It was after curfew, and I knew I needed to head inside immediately, but all I could do was sob. I wasn’t able to handle the bout of emotions that took over. They held me there against my will, reminding me of all the reasons that I felt so alone. I needed Parker’s arms around me telling me that it was going to be okay. I needed my best friend to make me smile.

He’d thrown our love away, and I was destroyed over it. I didn’t understand how anyone could feel this hopeless and then go out and look for love again. It was horrible. I just wanted to lay on the ground in a lethargic stupor. I wanted to give up on all of my dreams, because I couldn’t have the one thing that brought joy to my life. What was my future without Parker? Was I just supposed to become a lawyer and come home to an empty house, with no husband, and certainly no children?