Reject Me (Kin #5)(28)
Author: Jennifer Foor

He held up his hand. “Maybe it came out wrong. Forgive me. I’m not used to being alone with women. My wife always used to say I was horrible at this. She teased me whenever she got the chance.” He wiped his mouth with a napkin. “There I go again, talking about her. Sometimes I can’t help myself. It’s like she’s with me all of the time and I’m constantly mentioning her to impress her. I’d never want her to feel like I’m trying to replace her, because honestly, I don’t think I can.”

I felt a knot forming in my throat. It happened every time he talked about his love for her. “Wayne, it’s okay. She was the love of your life. Maybe she is here with us.”

“She’d like you. You both have this similar spunk about you.”

“I wish I could have met her. It would be nice to have a female to talk to about my problems. She seems like she was great for advice.”

“She was a people person, a busy-body. Though she never snooped, she knew everything about everyone, in a sincere way. It was as if she was put on the earth to spread kindness. Does that make sense or am I sounding completely irrational?”

Wayne second guessing his sanity was pretty funny in itself. He was the most intelligent person I’d ever met, and certainly as sane as they come. “I agree. From what you’ve told me, she was an all-around woman. Wayne, I appreciate it so much that you talk about her the way you do. You say Abigail will never know her mother, but she lives through you. Even I can feel it.”

Wayne caught me off guard again when he reached across the table and grabbed my hand. “You don’t know how much that means to me.” He started to cry, and I felt it necessary to get up and wrapped my arms around him. “I’m so sorry, Peyton. Sometimes I just want to give up. You don’t know how hard it was watching the person that I loved more than life itself dying. That day that we found out the treatment wasn’t working I couldn’t look at her. I couldn’t let her see how much pain I was in. I couldn’t let her hurt for me. I had to put up a façade and be strong, even when my whole world was coming to a crashing end. While she lay in that hospital clinging to life, I was at home staring at a little girl who’d never understand why her mother wouldn’t be coming home.” He cried harder, causing me to react in the same way.

When you’re young you never give much thought to things like death. You say things like you would die without the person in your life, but the reality is hard to grasp. My brother knew that fear that Wayne felt firsthand. He’d had to sit back not knowing if Ashley was ever going to come home. He’d never given up hope, even when we’d all had our doubts.

“I can’t even imagine what that was like for you, Wayne.”

“I dream about her. It’s not every night, but most. I swear, sometimes I just want to sleep because I know there’s a good chance that I’ll see her again. I know it’s ridiculous, but to me it’s so real. It’s like she knows it’s the only way we can be together.”

This poor man was broken, and I knew I had to be there for him. My problems didn’t compare to the life-long pain he was suffering from. All selfishness aside, they needed me. “I’m here for you.”

After I got Wayne calmed down enough to move to the living room, I went back into the kitchen to clean up dinner. In all honestly I needed to do something to keep from losing it myself. Sometimes being around Wayne was too depressing, not that I’d ever admit that to him. The last thing he needed was to feel like he was annoying me. I wouldn’t have even called it that anyway. There were just times where I didn’t know what to say.

I found Wayne had fallen asleep when I finally finished up with the dishes. When I went to cover him, he grabbed my hand. It startled me and caused me to abruptly pull it away.

He looked at me with desperate eyes. “Don’t go.”

I stood up straight and put my hands on my hips. He needed companionship, and I wasn’t about to walk away when he was so emotional. “I’m not lettin’ you sleep on the couch again. It’s my turn this time.”

Wayne sat up straight and looked right into my eyes. He grabbed both of my hands as he spoke. “Peyton, I was wondering if you’d be willing to sleep next to me tonight? I promise that I won’t try anything. I just don’t want to be alone.”

If this was any other guy I’d think he was trying to get into my pants, but Wayne was different. I trusted him. “Okay. I’ll stay with you.”

Wayne stood up and turned off the lights before leading me into his bedroom. He pulled off his shirt, and for the first time I’d seen his bare chest. His small patch of hair on his chest was sort of sexy, and I was surprised at how slender he was. All those polo shirts didn’t do him justice. He didn’t have a bad-boy body like Jamey, but his distinguished look made him just as handsome.

Not knowing how I should react, I slid off my shorts, but left my tank top on and climbed into the other side of the bed. Wayne did the same, rested on his side and looked right at me. “It’s been a long time since I’ve slept in the same bed as someone over the age of five. Forgive me if I don’t know how to act. If you want to put a pillow between us it’s okay.”

For some reason I took offense to his comment. Not in a way where I was mad, but more like he couldn’t let himself feel comfortable. In order to rectify the situation I knew I needed to make him see that I wasn’t nervous being around him. I scooted closer and intertwined our fingers together.

I get that this wasn’t what normal friends did, but Wayne wasn’t what anyone would call normal. He lived his life for his daughter, because she was all that kept him going. He needed to know how to live again, even if it was just the two of them.

He let me hold his hand and sit it on my hip over the covers. For a while we just lay there looking into each other’s eyes. It was intense, but at the same time therapeutic. When he let go I started to worry until he reached over and brushed the hair away from my cheek. “Thank you, Peyton.”

“You don’t have to thank me, Wayne.” He gave me this look and I don’t know what came over me, but I leaned forward and attempted to kiss him. At first it felt like he was responding, until he pushed me away.

“If I’ve given you the wrong impression I’m sorry. I didn’t ask you to sleep with me tonight so that we could be intimate.”

I wasn’t offended. He was freaked out, and I was going to be understanding. “No. I’m sorry. I just thought we were havin’ a moment.”