Reject Me (Kin #5)(29)
Author: Jennifer Foor

I went to turn but he stopped me. “Peyton, if I was a whole man again I’d want to be with you in every way possible. My feelings for you are there, and I hope you know that I appreciate what we have, but I can’t pursue them. It’s not fair to you. I’m man enough to admit that if I can’t love you completely, I won’t try to waste your time. Our friendship is too important.”

“Should I feel rejected, because for some reason I do?”

He touched my cheek, causing me to close my eyes. “No. You should feel like you’re important, too important to be hurt again. As much as I want you in my life, and I most certainly do, I know it won’t be fair. You deserve more. No woman wants to be burdened with a man’s dead wife.”

“She wouldn’t want you to live like this. You said it yourself that she wanted you to be happy.” I wasn’t trying to get him to change his mind. Honestly I knew I was too hung up on Jamey to get involved in a serious relationship with Wayne.

“I know, but that’s just it. The only way I will be truly happy is if I’m with her. I know it’s not possible. Trust me, I’ve been to my share of therapist meetings to know that I’m being intolerable. I’m thick-headed, and devoted. What everyone doesn’t take into consideration is that I promised to love her forever. I didn’t say the part where it included till death do us part, because I wanted to love her forever. If we’re reincarnated then I wanted to love her in that life too. Nobody gets it.”

“I do.” My sudden admission made him stop and stare.

“So you don’t think I’m crazy?”

I touched his cheek, the same way he’d touched mine. “Of course not. I think that you are the most devoted man I know. Don’t you get it, Wayne? You give me hope that every man can love wholeheartedly. You made me open my eyes and see that it was worth the fight that it was worth the pain. As much as you’ve been through, it’s unconditional. I have to believe that it’s goin’ to get better for you, because you deserve to be happy. You deserve to smile again and not feel guilty about it.”

“I can’t help it.” His lips started trembling again.

I touched them softly as I spoke. “I’m here if you need to cry, scream, smile, whatever. I’ve never thought you were crazy, and nothin’ you say could ever make me think that.”

Wayne leaned forward and pressed his lips against mine. It was out of character, so I got that it was for the appreciation he felt for me. “You’re so special, Peyton. Don’t let anyone tell you different. That boy doesn’t know what he lost. ”

That night I let Wayne wrap his arms around me and hold me. As much as he needed it, I think I felt the same way. It was so good to feel nurtured for a change. Even though our relationship was plutonic, it was the most serious I’d ever experienced. By being with Wayne, I was learning what I wanted out of my life, and the kind of man that I deserved to find. I was learning that in order to find my own happiness I needed to love myself first.

I wasn’t the slut that everyone saw. I was a human being that only ever wanted to feel appreciated.

For the time being I was finally content with what I had in my life. I was striving for a career, had the best friend a girl could ask for, and my future was in my own hands.

Chapter 16

Jamey

I waited a month before I tried to contact Peyton again. One night, alone in my apartment, I scrolled through social media sites trying to figure out what she’d been up to. A picture of her and a little girl caught my attention. The caption just said the little girl’s name, but underneath was a comment from a guy named Wayne. It made me so uneasy to see her interacting with another male, and after I’d checked out his profile I was sure that it was the guy that had come to her rescue, which obviously meant they were still hanging out.

While I was trying to figure out a way to get her back, patiently waiting until she’d had enough time to calm down, she’d already moved on to someone else, with a kid.

Maybe I shouldn’t have commented, but I let my jealousy fuel my next move before I had time to reconsider.

Underneath the picture, and comment from Wayne I posted. “Nice built-in family. Must be nice.”

Not even five minutes later I got a notification that she’d commented back. “I shouldn’t have unblocked you. Please leave me alone.”

That only made me angrier, so I replied. “For someone that’s so judging it’s nice to see that you were screwing around the whole time we were trying to get back together.”

I watched as a reply instantly appeared on the screen in a private message between us.

Don’t you dare compare my life to yours. I NEVER cheated on you. – Peyton

I saw that dude with you twice. You mean to tell me that you weren’t seeing him the whole time? You’re a hypocrite. – Jamey

I don’t have time for this. I’m deleting you. – Peyton

Fine. Do whatever you want. Just know that I didn’t sleep with that bitch like she said. Believe whatever you want. I meant every word I said to you that day, Peyton. If I could do things differently you’d be with me instead of him. – Jamey

You don’t know that. – Peyton

Yes I do. I’ll leave you alone like you want. I’ll stop talking to you and move on. Just answer me one question. Can you do that? – Jamey

One, and then you leave me alone. – Peyton

Do you still love me, Pey? – Jamey

I waited patiently for a reply, but got none. After thirty minutes I shut my computer realizing that she wasn’t going to answer me. It could mean two things. She still loved me, or she hated me. Either way I’d never know.

Peyton deleted me from her account that evening, still without replying to my question. It got me so angry that I felt the need to confront her about it. Against the advice of my family, I text her.

Why won’t you talk to me? Do you have any idea how hard this is? – Jamey

I saw that she read the post, but I didn’t get a reply until that night, probably when she was lying in bed alone or her boyfriend had fallen asleep.

You know why I don’t want to talk to you. Don’t make me change my number again. – Peyton

I miss you so much. If you’re trying to make me suffer you’re doing a great job. – Jamey

I really don’t care how you feel anymore. You hurt me. You lied to my face. You cheated on me. What part of that is my fault? Everything you’re feeling is because of the things you did. – Peyton