Replace Me (Kin #2)(44)
Author: Jennifer Foor

Our troubles were far from gone. My heart ached for Lacey, but I knew I was doing what she wanted. Even though we were done, I wanted her to be able to see that I’d changed. Hell or high water, I was going to be a better man and prove everyone wrong about me.

Lacey

Shayne and Joey had both been calling me and I knew I owed at least one of them an explanation as to why I’d been avoiding them. Telling Joey that our tryst was over by phone wasn’t feasible. He’d want a real explanation; one he could believe.

By that weekend, my anxiety was sky high. I’d gotten myself so worked up about everything that I hadn’t considered not being able to go through with it.

Joey was at his door when I pulled up, shirtless, holding it open without saying anything.

I made it inside and watched him shut the door behind us. He came up to me and put his hands on my shoulders. “Why haven’t you been takin’ my calls? I finally get your number and you won’t answer it when I call you.” He leaned in and kissed me softly on my lips, almost making me forget what I’d come there to do.

I pulled away, but he still had a hold of me. “We need to talk about something.”

He pulled me in for another kiss and I didn’t know how to stop him, so I just blurted out something that would get his attention. “I slept with Shayne.”

He pulled away and stared into my eyes. I felt horrible and my stomach began to knot up. He scrunch up his face. “What do you mean? I know you slept with him,…”

“This week. He came to my house and we slept together.”

I was afraid of how he’d react, but Joey kept his cool. He sat down on the couch and took a sip of his beer, then leaned back and looked at me. “Why are you tellin’ me this?”

I sat down next to him. “I’m tired of all the lies. I can’t take it anymore.”

Joey reached for my hand and touched the top of it. “I don’t lie to you, Lace.”

“Yes, you do. You erased my phone when Shayne called, didn’t you?”

He smiled. “Yeah, you got me there. That’s different though, and you know it. Shit, Lace, I even told you about other women in my life. I’ve never told any other person that.”

“I can’t see you anymore.” I looked away, afraid to see the way he was going to judge me.

“What are you goin’ to go back to Shayne now? You think he’s good for you? Can he give you what I can? Does he make you feel the way that I do?”

“No!” I was so frustrated. “He doesn’t, okay? This isn’t about Shayne.”

“You came here to tell me that you were together and now you can’t see me anymore. What else would it be about?” Joey stood up and paced around the living room. I watched him shake his head and clench his jaw, while I thought about how to best explain.

“Being with Shayne made me realize that I’m on a collision course. I can’t keep doing it to myself. It’s ripping me apart from the inside. When I’m with you, I forget who I am. You make me feel alive and like nobody ever has before, but it’s a temporary high. The moment I walk out your door, I think about you being with other women. I think about the pictures and what else you could be hiding from me. I think about all of the people that have warned me about how you are. It’s just too much.”

“Lacey, you’re so wrong. I’m not hidin’ nothin’ else from you. Sure, I lied about Shayne, but that’s only because I wanted you for myself. You think I wanted to share you? You’re the only woman that I’ve ever had to fight to be with. Once I had you, I knew one thing.” He walked over and got on his knees in front of me. I was already crying. “I knew I didn’t want to let you go.”

I tried to look away. “I wish you really meant that, Joey, because being with you is wonderful. You and I both know, it was just about the sex. It’s not like you even do relationships, so don’t give me that shit that I’m different. Look, I’ve thought a lot about this and it’s best if we just stop.”

“I think you’re scared that you might have feelin’s for me.”

He shocked me and I remembered back when I thought he was a cocky bastard. “I’m stopping this before that can happen.”

For a moment I saw this spark in his eyes, almost like he was going to fight for me to stay. “I guess you need to do what you think is right, Lacey.” I stood up and tried to hug him, but he backed away from me. “You should probably go. I mean, I don’t want you to have to be around when I’m callin’ someone else to come entertain me, because that would just be rude.”

By the time I made it to his door, I was already bawling. Sky was a knock away, but I chose to leave the property. I couldn’t handle seeing Joey with another woman. Realizing that only let me know what I was walking away from. Sure, he wasn’t willing to be in a committed relationship, but that didn’t mean that I wasn’t falling for him. I needed to get as far away from him as possible.

Joey had made it clear that he was going to move on and that all I was to him was a f**k. No matter what kind of bullshit that he fed me to make it happen, I was just a conquest. Being able to watch me walk out the door with no remorse was enough proof for me.

I drove fast, speeding home, where I knew I could be alone to suffer in peace. I didn’t want to talk to anyone, not my parents or my friends. I needed to be in seclusion, where I didn’t have to talk about being hurt and alone. I wanted to cry without explaining why.

Once I was in my room, I buried my face on my bed. My sobs were loud, but like every night, my parents weren’t home. They wouldn’t understand that my heart was broken. They’d tell me everything would be okay, when I wasn’t sure it ever would be.

I’d tried to be with Shayne, to be able to say goodbye and not feel awful about walking away from him. I wanted to forget about the way I’d loved him for so long. I needed to escape his hold on me.

Joey was the key. He helped me see that another man could give me more. He’d showed me that I was desirable and made all of the pain go away. Saying goodbye to him was what was killing me. I felt more empty than before, and extremely alone.

I felt like saying goodbye to Joey was harder than breaking up with Shayne. For the life of me, I couldn’t understand how sex with the man had left me with feelings that I couldn’t explain. My heart ached for him to reach out to me. I wanted my phone to ring; for him to beg me to come back to his place so we could talk about being together.