Shame (Ruin #3)(36)
Author: Rachel Van Dyken

Gaining her trust was the only way to gain her knowledge.

Falling for her hadn’t ever been part of the plan, but I imagined it was too late. I was caught in the spell of her. She intrigued me, like a puzzle I was struggling hard to figure out. I knew once I did, I’d be rewarded with knowing the most amazing person in the world.

So I answered as honestly as I could. “Madness…” My voice dropped low. “…recognizes madness.”

She gasped, her eyes narrowing. “I’m not crazy.”

“Crazy people think everyone else is crazy, and they’re sane. Believe me when I say I know you’re not crazy. I’m talking about a different type of madness. The kind that follows you into your dreams, only to haunt you when you’re awake. A madness that sucks joy out of every good thing in life and makes you feel guilty about smiling. Madness…” I repeated slowly. “…in its definition is going in circles, repeating the same process over and over again, knowing you’re going to get the same result but refusing to stop anyway.”

“But I did,” she argued. “I stopped it.”

I was silent and then whispered, “But at what cost?”

CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE

He was so pissed that I’d called him. After all, I’d helped ruin his life, but in that moment? On the phone with him? I was like a god. Not only was I going to offer him his manhood back, his confidence, his life — but revenge on a silver platter. Funny, I was sacrificing the only thing I’d ever cared about, which oddly made me feel sad and angry all at once. I knew I was doing the right thing because she made me feel, and I had no business feeling in this world. I didn’t want it, didn’t have time for it. Not anymore. No, not anymore. —The Journal of Taylor B.

Lisa

“YOU KNOW,” I SAID, forcing a smile. “You could have just seduced me instead of giving me a free shrink session. I would have been just as happy.”

“No, you wouldn’t,” Tristan said quickly, leaning in until his face was inches from mine. “You don’t want seduction.”

I arched my eyebrows and let the blanket fall again then met him halfway, almost brushing my lips against his. “I don’t?”

“No.” His gaze flickered to my lips then back up to my face as he tilted his head. “A good seduction is wasted on a girl who wouldn’t enjoy it enough to let go.”

I gasped, half-tempted to slap him. “Is that your way of saying you’re crap in bed? Well, why didn’t you just tell me? I would have understood.”

He grinned. “Guess you’ll never find out, and since I can’t touch you, I can’t really kiss you into submission.” He blew against my mouth. “Pity.” The sweet taste of wine lingered on his lips. “Because I imagine the best thing for you right now would be a good punishment… maybe a firm hand.” He smiled then blew against my mouth again. “A night of recklessness…” He jerked away and shrugged. “Yeah, it’s really too bad I can’t touch you.”

I was frozen in spot. Why did it feel like he’d just spent the last hour seducing me? Why did it still feel like he was seducing me? Not with his hands, but his words.

“You’re too beautiful to frown.” Tristan reached behind him and pulled a down feather from one of the pillows on the couch.

“So you’re going to tickle me to death?” I joked, though my mouth was completely dry, and I was afraid to move for fear I would give myself away. The anticipation was killing me.

Tristan grinned.

The man needed to stop looking so gorgeous and perfect. It was like the more I looked at him the sexier he became, and he’d already started at a ten. Now? He was more like a twenty. So controlled, yet taut, every muscle in his chest flexed as he twisted the feather between his fingers. My body hummed with pleasure just watching him. There had to be something seriously wrong with me.

He slid the white feather between his two fingers, back and forth a few times. “I wonder how much of your body would feel like this feather, soft… tempting… so damn alluring I just want to touch, caress…” He turned to me. “…kiss.”

I gulped.

Tristan’s eyes hooded as he moved toward me and slid the feather down my face then slowly trailed it between the valley of my breasts. “I may have made a mistake when making those rules…”

“Oh yeah?” My chest heaved as I gulped for air. “Why do you say that?”

The feather dropped from his fingers. “Because not touching you tonight has been one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do, especially considering…”

The room was silent except for the crack of the flames.

“Especially considering what?” I leaned forward, hanging on his every word.

“How damn tempting that mouth of yours is.” He growled and reached toward my face but stopped just short of touching me. “Think of me tonight…”

“That’s it? We get naked, you psychoanalyze me, find out I like to drive fast cars, and you just drop me off at my dorm?”

“Of course not.” He quickly pulled back and stood, then offered his hand. “I’m going to help you up, the one and only time I’ll touch you tonight, and slowly walk you to the bedroom, most likely watching the sway of your hips the entire way. And when I’ve gotten my fill, I’ll imagine kissing you… everywhere, and then, I’ll let you go to sleep and, well, lock my own door just in case you get any ideas.”

I burst out laughing. “Afraid I’m going to take advantage of you?”

He pulled me to my feet with a jerk. “It’s not fear that has me locking the door…” He turned around and began walking toward the stairs.

“What is it?” I asked as we made our way up.

He stopped, his hand pausing on the rail. “Necessity.”

“You really think I can’t help myself?”

His entire body tensed as he continued walking. “Not after tonight. I imagine you feel exactly like I do right now, left completely and utterly wanting.”

Yeah, that was true, not that I was going to admit it to him.

He stopped at the second door on the right and pointed. “Your room.”

I walked past him, knowing he watched me, and shivering under his gaze.

“I’ll wake you up for breakfast and drive us back in time for you to get ready before your first class. Besides, I think you have an early meeting with one of my other students tomorrow for the class project.”