Sworn (Page 26)

“Anyone could have done that,” Benji said.

“IT’S NOT TRUE! STOP LYING TO ME!” Rachel yelled.

Rachel couldn’t help herself, she didn’t want to get into an argument with him and ruin their time together, but she felt such a burning desire to know, that she felt as if she couldn’t sit with him until he told her the truth.

Benji looked at her with sad eyes and spoke in a soft voice.

“I wish I could tell you,” Benji said. “I wish I could tell you everything. But I can’t. Can’t we just leave it at that?”

“No,” Rachel said getting more and more frustrated with their conversation. “I’m sorry. I really want to be with you. But I can’t, unless I know. I feel like there is just too much at stake for me, and it breaks my heart that you won’t trust me enough to tell me.”

Rachel stood up and smoothed out her skirt. She felt as if she were about to cry, and quickly turned away.

“Rachel, please. Can’t we just be happy with things as they are right now?” Benji said.

“I’m really sorry,” Rachel said, as she burst into tears and started running away.

Rachel ran back through the winding trail that led to school and saw kids pouring out of school. It was the end of the school day. Wiping away her tears, she looked for her Mom’s car in the sea of cars waiting to pick up. Rachel spotted it about fifteen cars back and waited for her mom to reach the front of the school. Rachel kept checking over her shoulder to see if Benji had followed her up. But he hadn’t.

Rachel sat quietly in the car on the way home reflecting on her day in the field with Benji. She didn’t know why Benji was so secretive, and couldn’t understand what was so different about him. Rachel was confused and upset. She would not talk to Benji or continue their relationship until she knew the truth about him.

That night, Rachel couldn’t do anything but wonder about Benji. She wondered what he was up to and she wondered how he felt as she ran away from him today. She wondered if maybe she had been too dramatic and emotional.

As she sat on her bed and ran their conversation over and over in her head, she heard her phone buzz.

1 New Message:

Emily: What happened to you today? You were MIA.

Rachel didn’t know how to respond. She didn’t want to tell Emily where she was and that she had cut school to be with Benji but she didn’t want to lie either.

Rachel: Yeah, sorry about that, what’s up?

Emily: You’re coming to the homecoming dance tomorrow right? Everyone’s going.

Rachel: I wasn’t planning on it. I don’t have a date.

Emily: Neither do I, let’s just go stag, it’ll be fun.

Rachel: Um, I don’t know.

Emily: You have to go. If you don’t go, I won’t go either.

Rachel didn’t want to hold Emily back so she told Emily she would join her. She figured that she would just stay for a little bit. She didn’t want to leave herself out of an all school event; she would never make friends that way.

Rachel: Ok, I’m in. See you tomorrow.

All of a sudden, Rob entered her mind. She wondered who Rob was going to the dance with, and wondered why he had totally fallen off the face of the earth. She then thought of Arielle, and wondered if Rob was taking her. Rachel convinced herself that she didn’t care though; she was over him and had moved on to Benji.

Rachel sat there, feeling upset. She wondered if Benji was going to go to the homecoming dance. Part of Rachel hoped that Benji would be at the dance but another part of felt that dances weren’t his thing and that he wasn’t big on hanging out with large groups of people.

Feeling mentally and emotionally drained, Rachel took out her journal, drew a picture of her and Benji in the field together, and then, fell asleep.

Chapter Eleven

Rachel woke up to a buzzing sound coming from her phone.

1 New Message:

Emily: Bring your stuff for the dance to school; I’m having a “getting ready” party at my place after school.

She rubbed her eyes and reread the message. Rachel felt a sudden pang of nervousness. It was her first school dance and she had nobody to go with. Part of her didn’t want to go to the dance, but she knew she had to go with Emily. She didn’t want to let her down.

Rachel: Ok, I’ll do that.

Rachel looked out the window and it was raining. The rain depressed her and made her want to curl up in bed, and not go to school or the dance. She also felt depressed because of Benji. She had never had these kinds of feeling before for a guy. She knew her feelings were real and she didn’t know what to do. Would she ever see him again?

She looked at her watch and realized she was running late. She quickly bolted out of bed, searched through her closet for a dress to wear to the dance, threw some makeup in a bag and ran downstairs for breakfast. She hoped she wasn’t forgetting anything.

“What’s in the bag?” Sarah said.

“My dress for the dance tonight,” Rachel answered.

“I got the cutest dress at the Westchester Mall yesterday, you’re gonna die when you see it tonight,” Sarah said.

Rachel suddenly thought her dress wasn’t going to be good enough. She didn’t realize the dance was a big deal or warranted a “new” dress.

“I’m wearing the one I wore to the Easter Parade last year,” Rachel said.

“You are?” Sarah looked at her in surprise.

“Um, I don’t have anything else, and it’s too late now to go shopping. It’s my only option,” Rachel said back.

“All right, but don’t say I didn’t warn you,” Sarah said, peeking into her duffle.

The dress that Rachel packed was teal, with big pink and orange flowers all over it. She knew it wasn’t the most fashionable dress, but she didn’t see what the big deal was. It was only a homecoming school dance — not the prom!

Feeling a little self-conscious, Rachel hopped into the car and headed to school. As her mom drove down the street, Rachel saw cars that had been painted red white and blue and said, “Go Tigers!” on the windows. Rachel suddenly realized that homecoming was a big deal at this school.

She remembered her homecoming dance at her school in Pennsylvania. It was the lamest thing, and most people didn’t even go. Rachel had figured that it would be like that up in Bedford, but she was clearly mistaken.

As she entered school, the school spirit and positive energy filled the hallway. Everyone seemed excited for the big homecoming dance and she heard chatter about it as she passed groups of friends in the hallway.