Taut: The Ford Book

“It’s not a game, Ashleigh. I like that stuff.”

“You don’t like me, do you?” Her lips are frowning now and I hate it. I want more than anything to make that frown go away.

“That’s not true at all. I like you. I’ve told you things over the past few days that I’ve never told anyone.” Her frown remains. “Why are you asking me that?”

“I’m not the girl for you.”

“Is that a question or an answer?”

“Did he send you?”

“What?” That question again. “Did who send me?”

“Never mind. Obviously that’s a no.” She lets out a long breath like she’s disappointed. For a moment I think she’ll turn away and we’ll end the night confused and sad. But then she looks back at me and meets my gaze. “You’re not strange. You’re nice, Ford.”

“Nice?” I shake my head. “Nice? I’m certain no one has ever called me nice before. I’m a dick. Asshole. Emotionless freak is what most sexual partners end up calling me. But never nice. I think I’ve given you the wrong impression, Ashleigh.”

“No, Ford,” she sighs. “I think you’re trying to make the world believe you’re something you’re not.”

“Now why would I do that?”

That little bit of light filtering in through the sheer curtains is just barely enough to make out the brown of her eyes in the darkness. “I’m not sure. But I think you’re trying to keep people away. Mrs. Pearson said you got in a lot of trouble, but she never said you were weird. She said you were”—Ash stops for a moment, like she’s trying to remember the exact words—“unnaturally bright and curious.”

“I think that was her very diplomatic way of telling a woman who might be in a relationship with me that I’m weird.”

“I think it was a compliment. And you said you have trouble with emotions, but you feel all kinds of things. You were upset with Rook. Mad, maybe sad. Maybe lonely, like me. But you’re loyal to your friend, Ronin. So loyal that you refused to allow yourself to be tempted and you left town in a blizzard on New Year’s Eve. So I think you should give yourself another chance. Stop seeing yourself as Weird Ford and start seeing yourself as Nice Ford.”

“I’m not Nice Ford, Ashleigh.”

“OK,” Compliant Ashleigh says. The girl I saw the first two nights we were together is back. She did promise me she’d be calm, after all. “I like you either way, so it doesn’t matter to me. It’s just a suggestion.” She smiles and then hugs the baby to her bare chest and turns back over. “I’ll sleep facing this way so you’re not uncomfortable. Night, Ford.”

“You’re not even gonna give me a chance to win a round in our game?”

“Nope. You let me win you tonight.” She turns her head a little, but I can make out her profile in the dark. “I’ll let you win me tomorrow.”

I’m glad it’s dark, because I’m grinning big and I don’t feel like hiding it. “I look forward to it, Ashleigh.”

Chapter Twenty-Five

I’m the first one up the next day, mostly because I’m horny as f**k and I need to take my mind off the fact that Ashleigh’s ass is right up next to my dick, but also because I’m in a hurry to get the hell back to civilization. Ash was right yesterday—being lost in the wilds is cool for a while. But then things start closing in on you. And for me, it’s my erratic feelings towards this girl and her baby.

I like them.

There. I admitted it.

I like them. I could get used to them. I’d like to see Kate crawl and throw a tantrum in the store because she wants a toy. I want to watch her develop a personality and learn new things. It’s got a certain appeal. I’d like to watch Ashleigh cook me dinner and the three of us sitting at a table that is not in a restaurant. I’d like to try this.

But I sure the f**k know how to pick them. First Rook and now Ash. Why can’t I f**king find a girl who is not taken? Although I have no trouble stealing Ashleigh away from this Tony f**k. None at all. If he left her with a newborn baby, that’s just wrong.

I’m safe. I never f**k without protection. Never. It’s not difficult putting Ashleigh off because I know I can’t have sex with her until I get some condoms. It’s not even an issue for me, that’s how firm I am in this doctrine.

So I would never get a girl pregnant by mistake. Ever.

But this guy did get her pregnant and she kept the baby. Which says a lot of things about her. And they never married. Which says a lot of things about him.

Or maybe these two planned this baby and things didn’t work out?

Regardless. If I did get a girl pregnant I’d never—never—walk out. I have a very solid image of what a family is. Mine. The one I was raised in. That’s a family. And if I create a child, it’s going to be with a woman I’m married to and plan to grow old with.

That’s naive, maybe. Whatever. I don’t care. Because I’m patient. I want it all or I want nothing. I was not just saying that to Rook to make her feel guilty. I meant it. I’ve got the slutty girls, the ones who want me to use them any way I want. I have them to keep me satisfied—because I’d rather be alone than be in a relationship with a woman I don’t love or who doesn’t love me back.

And if Ashleigh wants to get back with her ex, then I’ll just have to step aside and go back to my old life—the life before Rook and girls in blizzards who need saving. Concentrate on work. We’re filming on location in New Zealand for six weeks starting in nine days. I’ve missed a shitload of meetings, my email is probably going off, and I’m definitely running out of text excuses. My assistant has been fielding all calls since last week, but pretty soon life is gonna catch up to me.