Taut: The Ford Book

I have no idea what to do.

Obviously I need to get them both inside, but then what? Ashleigh left almost everything at the hotel. We need stuff. I pull out my phone and text Pam: I need my spare room turned into a nursery. Like now.

She doesn’t text back, so I can only assume she’s on it.

I drag myself out of the Bronco and open the back door. Ash is slumped down on the seat, all curled up in a little ball like a kitten. I pick her up and carry her to the front door, key in the access code, and walk all the way to the back bedroom. “Ashleigh, wake up for me, please.”

“I’m awake, Ford. I just don’t want you to put me down.”

I take her into the bathroom and set her on the counter. “Sit here, OK?” I plug up the bath tub and start the water. “I’ll be right back, gotta get Kate.”

Ashleigh starts crying again, but I think it’s because she might’ve just realized she forgot all about Kate in her grief. I go back outside, grab the car seat and bring her to the bathroom.

Ash is still sitting on the counter, her head bowed in defeat, her long hair falling over her face, hiding her. I set Kate down and go back to Ashleigh. It’s not easy taking care of two people at the same time. “Lift your arms up Ash.”

She obeys, but her head stayed bowed.

I pull her shirt up and over, then toss it into the corner. “Stand up, please.” She scoots her butt off the counter and her feet drop to the floor. Her legs give out for a moment and I have to reach out and steady her. My hands drift down and unbutton her jeans. They are loose, so they come off easy. “Get in the tub for me.” I hold her arm as she steps in and then I help her keep her balance as she lowers herself into the water. I grab some shampoo and squeeze a shitload of it under the running water. The bubbles froth up and fill in the space around her body, cocooning her in fluff.

Kate is still asleep, so that’s how she will stay for now. There is no good reason to wake her up. So I pull off my shirt and drop my pants. I mess with the switches on the wall and the jets come on, swirling the bubbles up into a frenzy. I pull Ash forward and step into the tub behind her, then wrap my arms around her shoulders and pull her into my chest. “Relax now. We’re just gonna relax for now.”

She sighs. But it’s such a bad, no-good sigh. It’s not even an I give up sigh, it’s a please kill me now sigh. I gently drag my fingertips up and down her arms and then lean into her neck. “I’m so sorry, Ashleigh. I’m so sorry this is happening to you.” She turns a little so she can tuck her face onto my shoulder and her arms slip around my waist.

And we stop.

We just sit.

Pam comes. Or someone comes. I can hear them, trying to be quiet as they deliver things for Kate in the other room. It takes a while, and I have to add more hot water to the tub twice before the knock on the bedroom door startles Ashleigh from her sleep.

“You’re all set, sir,” Pam calls out in a whisper-yell.

I don’t answer, but she’s used to that and then everything goes silent.

“We’re gonna stand up now, Ashleigh. OK?”

Ash shakes her head no.

“Yes, we’re gonna grab Kate, take a real shower, and go to f**king bed. I do not care what time it is, this day is over.”

And that’s exactly what we do. Ash manages to pull herself together and get Kate out of her carrier, undress her, and then they meet me in the shower on the other side of the bathroom. I sit her down on the bench and cranky Kate sucks at her mother’s breast greedily as I wash us with a soft sponge and luxurious soap that smells like a tropical island.

When we’re done I turn the water off and wrap Kate and Ashleigh in my dark blue robe. They swim inside of it and it wraps around them almost twice, but it keeps them warm. I wrap a towel around me and then lead Ash over to the spare room.

Pam is a miracle worker. It’s not the princess nursery Kate deserves, but it will do for tonight. There’s a portable crib with soft bedding in it, a changing table, diapers, clothes, all that other shit I’ve seen Ash use but don’t really know what it’s for.

“You need help?” I ask Ashleigh as she sprinkles some baby powder on Kate’s bottom and then fastens up her diaper. Kate is making little mad grabs at Ashleigh’s hanging hair, oblivious to the pain her mother is enduring.

“No, thank you,” Ash replies and then slips a pink t-shirt over Kate’s head and picks her up. “But I’m not sure about leaving her in here alone.”

I point to the baby monitor. “We can turn that on if you want. Or she can sleep with us.”

Ashleigh looks over at the baby monitor for several long seconds. “With us until she falls asleep, then I’ll bring her in here.”

I turn the light out after she exits and a little yellow moon flicks on near the crib. Pam thinks of everything.

Ashleigh takes off the robe and lies down in bed naked. She slips the baby up to her breast and nurses Kate again. I imagine it would be hard to give up the comfort she gets from having the baby with her at night. I bet she enjoys it just as much as Kate does. I get in beside her, lean over and click the bedside lamp off, then pull them close.

“I have no idea what I’m doing, Ford.”

“Me either, Ashleigh. I’m making it up as I go.”

“Should I go back to Japan?”

“Do you want to go back to Japan?”

“No.”

“Then don’t. Stay here. I’d like you guys to stay here.”