The Impact of You(30)
Author: Kendall Ryan

Some of the photos, Brent and I had taken together, a few I took of myself and texted to him while we were dating. “I didn’t know how to bring it up,” I say.

“You have a f**king sex tape, Avery!” He throws his hands up in the air. “These are things you mention.” He punches the wall. “Goddamn it!”

His fist leaves a dent in the drywall, and I stifle the urge to go to him and inspect his hand. I figured it was only a matter of time before Jase found out, but I never imagined he’d actually see it. Of course, Marcy probably pulled it up on her phone.

My stomach cramps and I think I might actually be sick.

“Do your dads know?” Jase’s voice is low and controlled, like he’s barely holding back his anger.

“Of course not. They’d shit a brick.”

“Yeah, imagine how I feel.”

I meet his eyes. “How do you feel?” Even if his next words crush me, I need to know.

“I was falling for you, Avery.”

All the oxygen leaves the room. “Was?”

“Was. Am. Fuck I don’t know.” His voice is raspy and weak, slashing away at my heart. His hands tear angrily through his hair, leaving it standing on end.

Something vital for my survival has been ripped from my body. Something I didn’t even know I had, and now can’t fathom living without.

I tuck my chin to my chest. “It wasn’t a sex tape.”

Brent and his best friend had created a slideshow of all the images both he and I had taken. The end product looped like a video, lasting several minutes.

“Close enough. There were parts of you that I’ve never even seen exposed for the whole world to appreciate.” The vacant quality of his voice, the hurt in his eyes is so real, I feel it in the pit of my stomach.

“I’m sorry…I’m sorry I ever took those pictures. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you…”

“Me too. You’re not who I thought you were,” he says simply.

I hate the dejected tone of his voice. Seething anger, screaming, yelling would be better than this defeated tone.

“Don’t you think I wish I could take this back? I would if I could,” I whisper.

His eyes flick up to mine, devoid of all the warmth I used to feel from those beautiful baby blues. “I wish you could, too.” He turns his back and the tension in his shoulders tells me our conversation is done. And worse. We are done too.

Chapter 21

Jase

“Stacia, quit!” I chuckle, unable to stop myself, because it turns out after about ten beers, the tight feeling in my chest becomes numb. And my equally drunk ex-girlfriend is a distraction I can’t seem to turn down. She’s on the couch next to me, trying to tickle me. I forgot how grabby she gets after a few drinks.

Stacia removes her hands from under my shirt and bites her lip. The practiced look of seduction on her face is familiar and comforting. It would be so easy to fall back into things with her, even if it’s not what I really want. But my brain is tired of trying to work through what I had with Avery, and how I feel now. I wish I could un-see those images and go back to not knowing, but that’s not possible. At first I was pissed at Stacia for thrusting that girl’s phone in my face and showing me my innocent, sweet Avery being anything but sweet, or innocent. But after I got done cursing and punched the wall a couple of times, I knew Stacia wasn’t the one I was mad at.

The party around us has died down significantly, and there are just a few of us left – the guys that live here and their hookups. I know Stacia is waiting patiently tonight to see if she’ll have a shot with me, and honestly, I don’t know. I haven’t even decided yet. Which probably means my dick will decide for me later. And since he’s easily fooled by Stacia, I have a feeling I know what’ll happen.

Avery and I were never official, and after the way her past was thrown into my face like that… I don’t owe her anything. She left the other day without saying anything else, though what could she say after I saw numerous pictures of her with another guy’s junk in her mouth? God, I hate that this side of her even existed. The urge to hit something again spikes inside me, just as Stacia leans closer.

“Take me upstairs,” she whispers.

I push the images from my head and curl my fingers around Stacia’s, needing something warm and familiar to grasp onto. “Come on.”

* * *

I lie in bed, waiting for Stacia to return from the bathroom, wondering what the f**k I’m doing. When she appears in the doorway and saunters toward my bed, I curse the lamp on my dresser currently lighting the room. This would be easier if I didn’t have to look at her, because my mind won’t stop comparing her to Avery. Avery’s soft auburn hair, those wide green eyes.

When Stacia straddles my lap, I let my eyes slip closed. And when she leans down to kiss me, I fight to turn off my brain. Yet it’s impossible not to notice that her mouth doesn’t fit against mine like Avery’s, that she smells different, that she wears too much perfume.

“Wait.” I break the kiss and Stacia opens her eyes. “Go turn off the lights.”

She frowns. “You never used to want the lights off.”

“I know, but I do now.”

She bites her cheek, her mind working, but she dutifully climbs from my lap and crosses the room to switch off the lamp. Once the room is lit by just the dim moonlight, she saunters back toward me, removing her shirt and bra before she reaches the bed. The familiarity of her should comfort me, but my mind is reeling.

She rubs a manicured hand against my uninterested cock. “Just relax, Jase. Let me take care of this tonight.”

I don’t want her. But would it be so bad to do this? To let her try and make me forget the girl I really wanted? Stacia knows we aren’t together. We’ve been down this road before. It won’t change anything between us. Stacia’s fingers fumble with my belt buckle and I close my eyes again, fighting to make myself relax.

Chapter 22

Avery

I hate how alone I feel without Jase. We haven’t spoken since that heated exchange in his room after he found out about my past. I know I shouldn’t have, but a tiny piece of me was hoping that he’d be okay with it. Well, not okay, but maybe more understanding. I guess he isn’t who I thought he was, either. It was stupid to think he could be the one to save me. I’d learned long ago to rely on myself and not put too much stock in others. They just let me down in the end anyway.