The Secret of Ella and Micha (The Secret #1)(38)
Author: Jessica Sorensen

"Mom, are you in there?" I call out.

Water swishes from inside and I realize the carpet beneath my feet is sloshy. I sober up real quick, and rush to my closet to grab a hanger. Stretching it out, I shove the end into the lock of the bathroom. It clicks and I push the door open.

The scream that leaves my mouth could shatter the world’s happiness into a thousand pieces. But the silence that follows it is enough to dissolve it completely.

Micha

"What are you so happy about tonight?" my mom questions when I walk into the house.

"I’m as happy as I always am." I join her at the kitchen table and steal a cookie from a plate.

She takes off her glasses and rubs the sides of her nose. There’s a calculator, a checkbook, and a whole lot of bills stacked in front of her. "No, I haven’t seen you smile like this in a while."

"I just had a really good night." I take out my wallet and hand my mom a couple of twenties and a hundred dollar bill. "Here, this is what I got for working a weekend at the shop."

My mom shakes her head and tosses the money in my direction. "Micha Scott, I’m not going to take my son’s money."

I throw it on top of the bills and push away from the table. "Yes, you are. I want to help out."

"Micha I – "

"Stop arguing and take it young lady," I warn with humor in my tone.

She sighs, defeated, and collects the money. "You’re a good son. Do you know that?"

"Only because I was taught to be." I head for my room, but hear a scream from outside. I backtrack into the kitchen. "Did you just hear that?"

My mom’s eyes are wide as she stares at the back door. "I think it came from the Daniel’s house."

A billion different scenarios rush through my head as I run outside, hop the fence, and burst into her house. "Ella!"

It’s quiet, except for water running upstairs. I dash up the staircase, skipping steps. "Ella…" My body chills like ice. Ella is standing in the doorway and her mom is in the bathtub filled with red water that’s spilling out all over the floor. "Ella, what happened?"

She flinches and then turns to me. Her pupils have taken over her eyes and the look on her face will haunt me for the rest of my life.

"I think she killed herself," she says numbly and holds out her hands, which are smudged with blood. "I checked her pulse and she doesn’t have one."

I take out my cell phone and call 911. When I hang up, Ella collapses into my arms and stays there, unmoving until the ambulance shows up. She doesn’t cry – she barely breathes and it nearly kills me because I can’t do anything to help her.

Chapter 16

Current Day

Ella

I don’t know why I’m in here. I started to run down the street with so much adrenaline lashing through me it felt like my chest was going to explode. The rain was pouring down and all I could think about was getting as far away from Micha’s house as possible, but my mind caught up with me and I pulled myself back somehow.

My clothes drip on the bathroom floor, which is still stained red from her blood. I sit down and hug my knees to my chest, staring at the bathtub.

Something died in me when I found her, but I’m not sure what. Maybe my soul. That night, I’d been so determined to go to that stupid party that I left her at the house alone, even though my dad had left me in charge of her.

There was one simple rule: keep an eye on mom. And I couldn’t even follow it.

"Ella, what are you doing in here?" Micha observes me from the doorway, his clothes and hair drenched with rain.

I cuddle my knees against me and squeeze my eyes shut. "I saw you go to your bedroom with Naomi."

"Okay…" he sounds confused. "Why do you sound upset, though?"

"It doesn’t matter," I say. "None of this matters."

"Of course it matters." He sits down beside me and drapes his arm over his knees. "Otherwise you wouldn’t be in here."

"You’re right, it does matter." I run my finger between the cracks in the tile. "I don’t want you to be with Naomi."

"Wait a minute. Do you think I hooked up with her?"

"Isn’t that what you normally do when you take a girl back to your room?"

"Naomi and I were just talking," he mutters quietly. "And I haven’t taken a girl back to my room in months."

Hearing him say that makes me feel better and I start to face the inevitable. I can run all I want and try to shut myself down, but my feelings for Micha will always be there – they control me.

"You know, you scared the shit out of me that night," he says, staring at the bathtub. "The way you looked when I found you… I don’t ever want to see that look in your eyes again – that emptiness."

"It was my fault." I let it fall off my chest and crash into the world. "I was supposed to watch her that night, but I was selfish and thought that stupid party was more important."

He turns my head toward him and looks me in the eyes, so I can see how much he means what he says. "You’re not selfish. You were seventeen and you made a mistake just like every other seventeen-year-old out there does."

"She died because of my mistake." The words scratch at my throat. "If I would have just stayed home like I was supposed to then she wouldn’t be dead."

"You have to let this go," he says, his voice strained. "You can’t keep blaming yourself for something that was out of your hands."

"I wish I could have a redo." Tears sting the corners of my eyes. "I want to do it over again."

He covers my hand with his. "I think you might need to talk to someone about this. Otherwise it’s going to haunt you forever."

I suck the tears back and wiggle my hand away from his. "You think I’m going crazy."

He shifts in front of me onto his knees, takes my face in his hands, and forces me to look at him. "Look at me. No one thinks you’re crazy. You’re strong, but you’ve been through a lot of shit and you might need some help working through it."

"I think I’m more f**ked up than you realize," I say. "I can’t even look in a mirror anymore."

"That does sound crazy." He tucks my hair out of my face and takes a good look at me. "You’re beautiful."

I shake my head slowly. "It’s not that. It’s something else. Like if I look in the mirror I have to see what’s really inside."

"What’s inside isn’t bad."

"Yes, it is. If you knew the truth, you wouldn’t want to be with me."

He assesses me closely and then helps me to my feet, pulling me up by the arms.