The Tied Man

‘I just wanted you to know that it’s mutual.’

‘You what?’

‘I think you’re an incredibly sexy woman.  And I thought that if you wanted to…’ I took her hand in mine and ran a finger down her cool palm.

‘Right.  That’s enough.’ Lilith snatched her hand away from me and rounded on me with such fury that I had to take a step back.  ‘What the fuck’s going on in this place?’

‘Nothing’s going on.  I misread the signs, that’s all.  If I offended you…’

‘Bullshit.  I’m being played here.  I don’t know how, or why, but I really don’t like it.’

I tried to recover my ground.  ‘It’s like I told you -’

‘Yeah, I heard you.  So look at me and tell me you’re here of your own accord.’

In my sordid excuse for a life I had probably told every lie in existence: Yes, you’re beautiful, yes, I want you, yes, it feels good.  All as effortless as breathing, but this one killed me.  ‘I’m here because I want to be.’

‘You’re an appalling liar, Mr Strachan.’ Lilith stalked to the far side of the room, as far away from me as she could get.

I didn’t dare stop.  I decided to try the conciliatory approach. ‘Okay, look, maybe she did suggest I come to see you.  Would that be so bad?’

‘Yes.  For more reasons than you could ever understand.’

I didn’t know which of us I hated more.

Lilith

When Finn first appeared in the room, looking like the boy next door in his blue jeans and white t-shirt, I was genuinely pleased to see him, and that made the subsequent betrayal all the harder.   It could have been a joke, this ridiculous, awful intrusion by someone I foolishly thought I had begun to know.  ‘Finn, what the hell do you think you’re doing?’ I finally managed to ask.

‘I’m here to ensure your needs are met.  Making sure your stay at Albermarle Hall is as pleasurable as possible.’

No matter how charming the accent, the words sounded hard.  For a moment his haunting eyes froze in a mocking stare and I was thrown by the difference in him: the shyly complex young man that had so intrigued me the night before had been replaced by this automaton.

‘Look, if you tell me what you want, what you like – I’m good.’ His tone was softer now as if he was forcing himself to play this role, but it still didn’t sound like his voice. ‘You won’t be disappointed,’ he added.

I gave a harsh laugh. ‘Where the fuck did you get that line?  Page twenty-one of the Rent Boy’s Handbook?’

As soon as I had spat the words, that final, elusive piece of Finn Strachan fell into place, and it was too late.  I may as well have slapped him.  ‘Finn, wait…’ I began, but he gave me one last stricken look and walked out of the studio.

*****

At nine o’clock that evening I sat by the meagre light of a single oil lamp, refining that day’s sketches until my vision blurred and my head informed me that a migraine would be on its way unless I stopped soon.  Not only was I prevented from working through the night, getting past dusk was going to be impossible.

I closed my pad in reluctant defeat and was just considering a late run to ease my frustration when there was the lightest of taps on my door.  ‘Come in,’ I called.

Henry tentatively pushed the door open.  ‘I’m sorry to disturb you.  Were you busy?’

‘No, unfortunately.  Can I help you?’

‘Lady Albermarle would like a quick chat, if that’s not too much of a problem.’ For such an innocuous request, the usually open man couldn’t look me in the eye.

‘She wants to see me now?’

Henry gave a nervous nod.  ‘She’s aware that it is rather late, but she did say that it was important.’

‘But you’re not at liberty to say what?’

‘I’m afraid not.’

‘Well she’s going to have to take as she finds.’ I didn’t bother to put on my shoes.  ‘So, where am I going?’

‘What?’  It was a simple question, but Henry responded as if I’d just stabbed him.

‘This vital meeting.  Where is it?’

‘Um, if you just follow me, I’ll show you.’  Henry began to walk away.

I didn’t move.  ‘What’s going on, Henry?’

‘What? Nothing -’

‘Crap.  You’re shitting yourself every time I open my mouth, and as for Finn… Wait a minute, has this got anything to do with that ridiculous scene this afternoon?’