The Tied Man

I gave a rueful smile.  ‘Bet all this has done your shoulder the world of good, huh?’

‘Not to mention the million and one nettle stings from my crash landing.’  A rash of pin-pricks covered Lilith’s bare arms.

‘Dock leaves.’ I pulled a handful of the dark, glossy leaves from the verge.  I rolled them in my hands to crack the stems and handed them to Lilith.  I didn’t have the courage to suggest that I apply them myself.

She held them against her skin and winced. ‘Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow. Bloody idiot of a man.’

‘Him, or me?’

‘Him.’  She suddenly became serious.  ‘That little scene cost you, didn’t it?’

I shrugged.  ‘Probably.  But at the end of the day, everything I do costs me.  The only question is how much.’

Lilith stood and remounted.  ‘I should have held back.  I didn’t mean to cause you any more grief.’

‘You’re kidding, aren’t you?’ I laughed.  ‘I was fucked the second I opened my mouth to the man.  I’ll get it good style at some point when I least expect it.  Nah, it was you I was trying to cover.  He’s not a nice man at all.’

‘What, you’re telling me that you’ll get hurt for that little scene?’

I nearly told her to fuck right off but then I saw the genuine surprise on her face.  ‘He’s a friend of Blaine’s, Lilith.  More than that, on occasion, but that’s nothing too unusual – she’d sooner shag Coyle than pay him a wage.’  I swung back into Bruno’s saddle and rode next to her.  The last thing I wanted to do was to sound like I was patronising the woman, but there was stuff I needed to know she understood.

It was easy to forget that other people lived in a world where rules and laws and common sense could keep you safe.  A world where, if you did the right thing you were allowed to get on with your life in whichever way you chose.  I suppose I had assumed that Lilith’s insight, that sharpness that led her to the heart of so much, would in some way let her understand everything. 

I pulled at what was left of my thumbnail until I drew blood.  ‘If he knows Blaine, he can get you hurt and no-one will ever know.  It’s that simple. And I know it mightn’t seem like it from this morning’s display, but I would love to see you arrive back in civilisation in one piece.’

We rode the rest of the way to the stables in silence.  I wasn’t sure which of us had learned more in the last two hours.

Chapter Ten

Lilith

‘Don’t leave me, Clarissa!  They’re coming, I can feel it!  Stay with me, please…’

My mother’s contorted face leered inches away from me and I could smell the acid, pear-drop reek of her starving breath.  Emaciated hands clawed at the collar of my school blouse as I backed down the musty, barricaded passage of our council flat.

A frantic hammering came from next door.  ‘Make that mad frog bitch shut the fuck up, or I’ll come round there and do it for you!’

I opened my mouth to reply, but no matter how hard I tried, no sound came out.  My mother threw herself to the floor and grabbed at my legs as our neighbour began to dismantle the dividing wall brick by brick.

‘Clarissa, what do you think you’re doing?’  The headmistress from my boarding school, wearing the same outfit that Blaine had worn on the night she had horsewhipped Finn, sat at our filthy kitchen table and drank tea from a chipped mug that heaved with maggots.  ‘You do realise that your Latin exam’s just about to start?’

With no voice, I couldn’t explain that my mother’s latest episode was making things a little difficult, and when I glanced down she had transformed into a shrunken corpse whose skeletal fingers remained locked around my ankles.

I awoke struggling for air in the pure silence of the night.

*****

I expected the kitchen to be deserted.  Six weeks into my stay I had grown used to the routine of Albermarle Hall and I knew that even Henry wouldn’t be at work at three in the morning.  Already jittery from a combination of nightmare and salbutamol, I gave a soft cry of shock as a shadowed figure moved silently across the pools of moonlight and challenged my firm non-belief in ghosts.

‘Hi.’

‘Fucking hell, Finn, you nearly gave me a heart attack.’  I slumped into the nearest seat, shaking more than ever.

‘Sorry,’ Finn shrugged.  ‘Wasn’t expecting company.’  He kneeled down to open the refrigerator door and his delicate, angelic face was suddenly bathed in the novelty of electric light.  Even at this ridiculous hour, and clad in a faded blue t-shirt and ancient pyjama pants, he looked like something Michelangelo might reject for being too beautiful.