The Will (Magdalene #1)(166)
Author: Kristen Ashley

Showering me with kisses. Spreading his love everywhere.

I closed my eyes and did my best to stay connected, my fingers in his hair, my hand at his neck, as he gave me everything.

Finally, he covered me with his big body and looked into my eyes.

“I gotta tell you something,” he said, his voice thick but firm and I knew what he was going to say.

I knew what he was going to give me.

And I knew I didn’t need it.

“No you don’t,” I told him quickly.

“Babe.—”

“You don’t, Jake.”

“Right now, you under me, your hair spread on my pillow, your clothes on my floor, I’ve had it time and again and I still can’t believe it.”

My mouth closed, my throat closed and my eyes stung with tears.

“It was me who refused to meet you,” he stated.

Oh God.

“Darling—”

“Lydie asked me…fuck, don’t know how many times. Every time you came to visit, for certain. And she’d even make up shit to get you to visit so we could meet. Tried everything she could to make it happen. She gave me your email. She even gave me your Skype account and said she’d introduce us on the f**kin’ computer.”

“Darling, you don’t have to—”

“First time I walked into Lavender House, looked left, saw that photo of you behind the couch…” He shook his head. “I was with Sloane, shit was not good with her, but it still makes me a dick because I took one look at that picture and fell in love with you.”

Oh…my…

God.

A tear slid out of the corner of my eye and Jake caught it with his thumb but he didn’t quit talking.

“Every word Lydie said about you, it got worse. I fell further. ‘Cause of that, I knew, if I saw you, shook your hand, you didn’t want what I could offer, it’d gut me. So I couldn’t let that happen.”

I slid my hands up his back, in and up his chest and further to curl them around his jaw.

“She pushed,” he went on. “But she didn’t force it. She got me. I knew it. I also knew it bothered her. So she didn’t give up. She gave me your picture. Then she gave me your letters.”

“Jake—”

“I got you. I knew you. She gave me all of you. And having it, I wanted you to find better.”

Oh God.

“Please, darling,” I begged.

“I wanted you to have what you wanted. Someone gentle, patient, sophisticated, successful. And that was not me.”

I closed my eyes and tears escaped both sides, rolling down my temples.

Jake caught them with his thumbs and I opened my eyes.

“I wasted years,” he whispered, his voice now hoarse, regret etched in every feature.

“Don’t,” I whispered back.

“I didn’t f**k that up, coulda tried to make a baby with you.”

“Don’t,” I pleaded, pressing into his jaws with my hands.

“Had no clue you’d want me.”

“You’re everything,” I told him.

He shook his head. “I’m not everything. I got three kids by two women, three ex-wives, a gym that struggles to stay in the black, and a f**kin’ strip club that makes it so I can breathe easy, my kids can have cars and clothes and shit. I know from experience not a lotta women want to buy into any of that. Me, yeah, they’ll take me. The rest of it, they want nothin’ to do with. But with you, it was more. I can’t put your ass in a first class seat on a plane and take you wherever you wanna go, whenever you wanna go there.”

“Why would I need to go anywhere when I can be here with you?”

He blinked.

“I never wanted anything but you, Jake,” I told him and he simply stared at me so I went on. “And I wanted you before I even knew you. Someone handsome and strong and protective and fierce. You’re everything I ever wanted, darling.”

“Baby,” he dropped his forehead to mine, lifted it and continued, “Look at your life the way it was. Look at mine the way it is. Can you see how that’s where my head would be at?”

“Definitely,” I agreed. “But can you see that the person who knew you were right for me was the only person who knew the true me, knew what I wanted, knew what I needed, and picked you for me?”

He said nothing so I took that as a yes.

“You did what you had to do,” I said quietly. “And it’s done. And in the end, I have my dream. And I’m hoping since you love me that you have what you want too. Now can we let it go and move on?”

“I know you wanted kids, Josie.”

“And now I have them, Jake.”

I felt his body lock on mine so I took that opportunity to use my hands at his jaws and pull him down to me. I lifted my head at the same time and touched my mouth to his before I dropped back to the pillow.

“I thank you for giving that to me, darling. You didn’t need to but now I have it, I’ll treasure it. All of it. But seriously, can we let this go and move on?”

“It’s gonna sting, baby, havin’ you, havin’ what we got, knowin’ I coulda had it longer, givin’ it to you longer, givin’ you even more, all of that if I got my head outta my ass.”

I smiled at him and replied, “I’ll make it better.”

He stared into my eyes and whispered, “Fuck, I love you.”

I’d never tire hearing that.

Never.

Even with the expletive.

“And I you,” I shared. “And now I’d love it if you’d get off me so I can clean up and we can sleep. Six o’clock rolls around fast and tomorrow, I’ve got to hire some interior decorators. We’re moving into Gran’s room upstairs. It has its own bathroom and as it is, it’s kind of a pain to tiptoe down the hall so I don’t wake up the kids when I have to go clean up after you make love to me.”

Finally, his eyes smiled.

“We movin’ to Lavender House?” he asked.

“Your house is wonderful, Jake, and you fixed it up. The kids love it here. As do I. But we’d all love it more being with Gran.”

His thumb swept my temple and he whispered, “Yeah.”

“But only after I redecorate the master suite. All those flowers…” I trailed off as I shook my head on the pillow.

That got me another smile and another, “Yeah.”

“Now, are you going to get off me?” I asked.

“Yeah and no.”