To Kiss a King (Kings of California #11)(36)
Author: Maureen Child

Her heart gave a sudden lurch in her chest, and it felt as if a ball of lead had dropped into the pit of her stomach. He was walking away from her. Without even trying. Without a backward glance. Tears filled her eyes but she furiously blinked them back. She wasn’t about to let him see her cry. What would be the point anyway?

Whatever she had convinced herself they shared, in reality, it was no more than a holiday fling. A summer romance doomed to die at the end of the season. She loved a man determined to not love her back, and there didn’t seem to be a thing she could do to change it.

And would she if she could?

She had her pride after all. And that emotion was leading the charge when she snapped, “I never said anything about love, Garrett.”

“Please.” He gave her a patient, tired smile that made her want to kick something. “I can see it in your face, feel it in your touch. Alex, you’re looking for something I can’t give you.”

She felt the sting of those words, and actually swayed in place when they hit her. But she kept her chin lifted and her eyes defiant as she corrected, “Not can’t. Won’t.”

“Same thing,” he said, folding his arms across his chest and glaring down at her.

“For a man who prides himself on seeing every possible angle of every possible situation, you’re surprisingly blind.”

“Is that right?”

“It is,” she answered and took a step closer to him. Her gaze fixed with his. “This isn’t even about me, Garrett. It’s about you and how you look at your life. I’m sorry about Kara. But that wasn’t your fault. Bad things happen. You can’t stop them. You can only live your life in spite of them.”

“She left her guards because of me,” he told her flatly. “If I hadn’t gotten involved with her, she’d be alive today.”

“You don’t know that,” she told him and saw denial in his eyes. “You’re not God, Garrett. You don’t have the power of life and death, and you can’t personally protect everyone you care about.”

“But I can limit those I care about,” he said softly.

“So rather than love and risk the pain of losing it, you would make your own world smaller so maybe danger won’t notice you? Maybe your circle of loved ones will be tiny enough that nothing bad will touch you?”

He didn’t say anything to that, but then, he didn’t have to. Alex knew now for certain that what they had was over. He could stay and watch over her as he’d said he would, but there would be no more lovemaking. No more flirtatious fun. No more laughter. There would be only Garrett, in his role of knight errant ready to do battle in defense of his charge.

And that wasn’t enough for Alex. Not nearly enough.

Sadly, she shook her head and said, “The difference between you and me is, I won’t deny myself something wonderful for fear of losing it.”

“That’s because you’ve never lost.”

“Wrong again,” she said, a half smile curving her mouth. “I just did.”

“Alex—”

“I think you should go,” she said, though the words tore at her.

This was over. He couldn’t have made himself plainer. He didn’t want her—he saw her only as his responsibility—and she wanted the magic.

The gulf lying between them was wider than ever.

“Fine. I’ll go. But I’ll be back in the morning,” he said. “Don’t leave the hotel without me.”

She didn’t answer because an order didn’t require one. She simply stood, alone in the dim light and listened to the door close behind him.

First thing in the morning, though, the plan changed.

Griffin needed some backup with a client and Garrett had already dumped so much of the company work on his twin lately, he couldn’t turn him down. Besides, he figured it might do both he and Alex some good to have some space.

He’d been up half the night, reliving that scene in her penthouse suite. He could still feel the chill in the room when he told her he wouldn’t love her. Could still see her eyes when she told him to leave. A low, deep ache settled in his chest, but Garrett accepted it as the price he had to pay for screwing this up so badly.

And he knew that the pain was going to be with him a long, damn time. He was halfway to San Diego when he thought it was late enough that he could call Alex without waking her up. Punching in the phone number, Garrett steered his car down the 405 freeway and waited for what seemed forever for Alex to answer the damn phone. The moment she did, the sound of her voice sent another ping of regret shooting through him.

Mentally, he explained it away. Of course he regretted that she’d be leaving. Why the hell wouldn’t he? He’d spent practically every day with her for more than a week. Why wouldn’t he be accustomed to her smile, her laughter? It was only natural that he’d listen for the sound of her accent and get a buzz when he knew he was going to see her.

Didn’t mean he cared. Didn’t mean anything. When she was gone, things would settle down. Get back to normal, he assured himself. Which was all he wanted. The regular world that didn’t include runaway princesses.

“Alex, it’s me,” he said shortly, changing lanes to pass an RV moving at a snail-like speed in the sun-washed morning.

“What is it, Garrett?”

Her voice was clipped now, as if anger was churning just below the surface. He hated to hear it, but it was probably best, he told himself. If she was mad, then she wasn’t hurting. He’d never meant to hurt her, God knew. But it had happened anyway and now the best thing he could do was keep up the wall he’d erected between them the night before.

“I won’t be able to come over this morning,” he said tightly. “Griffin needs some help on a case, and I—”

“No need to explain. I’m sure you’re very busy.”

The words might be right, but her tone said differently. He scowled at the phone. “Yeah. Well, anyway. You won’t be alone. I sent one of our best agents over there. Terri Cooper. She’s in the lobby now, waiting for a call from you to the front desk. She’s the best in the business, so I know she’ll keep you safe.”

“Garrett, I don’t need a babysitter.”

“She’s a bodyguard, Alex, and until I get back, she’s sticking to you like glue.”

“And I’ve no say in it.”

He frowned to himself and downshifted as the flow of traffic picked up a bit. “If you don’t want to see Terri, don’t leave the hotel. I’d prefer that anyway. I should be able to be back before dinner.”