When August Ends
Laughing, I lowered my voice. “She doesn’t know I told you about that.”
He changed the subject. “So, tell me what happened today.”
“I don’t want to burden you if you had a long day, too.”
“You’re never a burden to me. You know that. Tell me what happened.”
“I flubbed up on one of my tests and had a crappy day at work. That’s all. It’s no big deal.”
Thinking back to my conversation with Ming, I wondered if I was doing the wrong thing in always trying to make things seem better than they were.
“Can I confess something?” I asked.
“Yeah, of course.”
“Sometimes I don’t want you to know I’m struggling, so I downplay things. I want to make you proud and do this semester justice, give it my all. But it’s hard. If it weren’t for Ming, I’m not sure I would want to be here at all.”
“What did I tell you about holding things in? You should never feel like you can’t tell me you’re unhappy.” He let out a breath. “I am so proud of you—even if you’re struggling. Struggle means you’re persevering even if it’s tough. That’s a sign of strength.”
“Thanks for always lifting me up.”
After a bit of silence, he said, “So, there’s something I need to tell you.”
My heart started to pound. “What?”
“I’m gonna be a grandfather.”
“What are you talking about?” I nearly shrieked.
“Remember you said your friend at the pet store told you Clyde was neutered?”
“Yeah?”
“Well, she lied. Bonnie’s pregnant.”
“Oh my God. What? How did you figure it out?”
“She was getting really fat, eating all of Clyde’s food. I took her to the vet, and he confirmed it.”
“Have you ever seen them have sex?”
“No. Sneaky fuckers must do it when I’m not home.”
I laughed so hard I almost dropped the phone.
“You think it’s funny, huh? What the hell am I gonna do with more guinea pigs?”
“You’re considering keeping the babies?”
“I can’t separate Bonnie and Clyde from their damn kids! I don’t want that on my fucking conscience. It’s gonna be a zoo up in here.”
My amusement over this knew no bounds. I had to wipe my eyes.
“You’re a good man, Noah. And to think I thought you were a hardass when I met you.”
“Now I’m a pussy. Look what’s happened to me.”
“You old softie.”
“Seriously, it’s a good thing I’m taken, because imagine meeting a thirty-five-year-old dude and finding out he’s breeding guinea pigs. I mean…would you trust that guy? I sure as hell wouldn’t.”
He was taken. While his actions had given me every impression that he was committed, he’d never said anything like that before. It was exactly the reassurance I needed tonight.
“You’re taken, huh?”
Noah paused. “Yeah. I really am.”
I shut my eyes. “Well, she’s a very lucky girl, whoever she is.”
“Nah, I’m the lucky one.”
“What’s she like?”
“She’s really pretty—blond, blue eyes, killer body. But what drew me to her was her personality, how self-deprecating she is, honest, funny. And she’s not afraid to ask for what she wants. That’s a big turn-on.”
“Like…she threw herself at you kind of thing?”
“At times. But I sort of needed it.” He sighed. “Yeah, she’s pretty amazing. Horrible taste in music, though. I can overlook that because she likes old men.”
My cheeks hurt from smiling. “I have to say, whatever I was bummed out about today just went out the window. In fact, I don’t remember much before this conversation.”
“Well, I’m glad I could help you forget your worries. I wish I could do that in other ways right now.”
“Me, too.” I blew out a breath and closed my eyes again, imagining the weight of his body over me. “You know, when I was talking to Ming tonight, it occurred to me that while other people call their parents when they’re homesick, I call you. I feel like home is wherever you are.”
“Well, I have a confession to make,” he said.
“Okay…”
“This isn’t as easy for me as I might make it seem, either. I never want you to worry about me while you’re trying to focus on school. So I downplay how much I miss you, too.”
I clutched the phone to my chest for a moment. “Well, aren’t we just perfect together?”
That night, I slept more soundly than I had in a long time.
CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX
* * *
NOAH
I kept meaning to pay Olivia a visit, to congratulate her and her husband on the birth of their daughter. But I never quite knew if Kirk appreciated my presence. No man is going to be completely comfortable around his wife’s ex-husband. So I figured I would give it time, give them a little space before going over there.
One morning, though, Olivia called to tell me she was in the neighborhood for a pediatrician visit. She wanted to know if I was around to meet the baby. I told her to stop by.
It took my breath away for a moment to see her standing in the doorway with a little human strapped to her chest.
“This is Sam.” She smiled.
Sam had thick dark hair and looked just like her mother. Olivia and I had been through so much together—seeing this lifelong dream of hers come to fruition made me a little emotional.
“Hey, cutie pie.” Sam looked up at me and immediately started crying.
“Uh-oh. I swear, I’m none of the things your mom said about me on the way over here.”
Olivia chuckled. “She’s just cranky because she got some shots.”
“Ah.” Peeking in at her some more, I rubbed the back of my finger along her head. “She’s really precious, Liv.”
“Thank you.”
After the baby calmed down, she asked, “Would you like to hold her?”
“Sure. Yeah,” I said, rolling up my sleeves. The only babies I’d ever held were my niece and nephews. It had been a while.
My heart felt full as she placed the infant in my arms. It was surreal to be holding Liv’s child. I really was so damn happy for her. She’d always wanted to be a mother. A sort of relief came over me—that I hadn’t wasted any more of her time, that she was able to build a new life after our marriage and have a child before it was too late. What I wasn’t expecting to feel, though, was a bit of envy—not because I wished to be the father of this baby, but because I longed for one of my own. I’d never wanted a child while I was married to Olivia. In fact, that lack of desire was one of the factors that ultimately led to our divorce.
But right now, as I held this precious, red-faced little angel, I realized maybe I did want to be a parent. And I knew the reason for my change of heart had everything to do with meeting the person I wanted to share that with.
It wouldn’t be anytime soon—not even close. Heather wasn’t ready. But maybe someday.
Holy shit.
Listen to yourself, Noah.
“You’re a natural,” Olivia said. “I never thought I’d think that, but you totally are.”
“She’s making it easy for me. And she’s beautiful like her mother.”
“Thank you.” Olivia rubbed her hands together and looked around my living room. “So, how are you? I haven’t had a chance to talk to you much with everything that’s been going on since Sam was born.”
After I returned from New Hampshire, I’d been reluctant to tell Olivia about Heather and me; I didn’t think she’d understand. I hadn’t felt like listening to her judgmental comments. She had advised me against going to New Hampshire in the first place, so to admit I’d gotten involved with Opal’s sister romantically? Olivia would shit a brick. I didn’t want to lie to her, though, so I’d ended up admitting what happened soon after I’d returned. She remained very skeptical.
“Things have been really good, actually,” I told her.
Little Sam had fallen asleep in my arms.
Olivia walked to the corner of the room and lifted a frame off my desk. “This is her?”
I’d framed one of the shots I’d taken of Heather the night she’d worn the red dress—the night I’d first lost my shit and kissed her.
“Yes. That’s Heather,” I said, continuing to rock the baby as I walked over to Olivia.
She held the frame in her hands. “She’s gorgeous.”
I cringed, because I knew exactly what Olivia was thinking—that I’d become smitten because of Heather’s looks and there wasn’t any substance to our relationship. I could never make her understand the connection we had, and any effort to convince her she was wrong would likely be futile. Plain and simple, she didn’t know Heather.
Olivia placed the photo back on the desk. “I hope you know what you’re doing. I just don’t want to see you get hurt.”
“You don’t need to worry about that,” I said.
“I just think back to myself at twenty. I didn’t know my ass from my elbow.”