When You’re Ready (Ready #1)(51)
Author: J.L. Berg

“Because Maddie’s down the hall and I can only handle so much before I throw you on the bed and take you anyway.”

What was this? Take me anyway? I don’t know about him, but sex was definitely in my plans for the evening. Oh. I understood.

“You’re scared to have sex with Maddie in the house, aren’t you?” I couldn’t help but grin. Seeing him squirm was pretty damn funny.

“Well, that would definitely be a first for me,” he agreed.

Who knew a full grown man would be so freaked out about having sex in the same house as a child. It’s not like she was in the room with us.

“Logan?” I whispered.

“Yeah?”

“Do you plan on living with me? Ever?” I asked, hoping and praying I didn’t just step over a line trying to make a point.

“Dear God, I hope so,” he said like a prayer.

I gave myself a second, or five to let that sink in, making sure I remembered those words forever.

“And exactly how did you foresee this future of ours? Are we just going to practice abstinence whenever Maddie’s in the house? For the next fourteen years?”

His eyes widened, causing me to laugh.

“What if she wakes up? I mean, we’re not exactly quiet,” he argued, clearly warming to the idea.

My hands moved to the edge of my tank top, lifting it over my head, and exposing my purple satin bra. His eyes flared with heat, and I knew he wasn’t thinking about anything else but me now.

“Then we’ll just have to learn to be silent, won’t we?” I said before I pushed him onto the bed to teach him the art of quiet lovemaking.

~Logan~

I woke in the middle of the night to Maddie calling out for me. My eyes tried to focus in the darkened room as she poked at my head. Again. Sleep still tugged at my every thought making my movements jerky and lethargic. Suddenly remembering the hours of lovemaking Clare and I had spent before going to sleep, I ran my hands down my body, exhaling in relief that I had the forethought to throw on a pair of boxers and shirt before collapsing into bed.

“Maddie? You okay princess?” I asked as I pulled her toward me, noticing right away the immense heat radiating off her body.

“I don’t feel very good,” she said, wrapping her arms around my neck.

I gathered her into my lap, exhaling as I let this moment sink in, because it was a big one. She had come to me. She needed someone and she chose me. I don’t know what it was like to be a father, to watch your child grow in your wife’s belly, be born, and hold her in your arms for the first time. It wasn’t a life I had ever pictured for myself. But I did know what it was like to hold Maddie in my arms, to feel her head rest on my shoulder when she was sleepy, to see the joy in her face when we danced. She may not be mine by birth, but I would give up everything I had to be her father. To belong to her, to them both.

“Come on princess, let’s go downstairs so we won’t wake your Mommy,” I said, before picking her up and heading downstairs for the kitchen. Clare had earned the sleep, and I would gladly stay up the rest of the night if needed. But that wasn’t why I was doing this. Seeing Maddie in the darkness tonight, as she reached for me, her body sick and frail. I wasn’t ready to give her up yet. She came to me, and I wanted to be her healer and protector. I would let Clare take over in the morning when I had to leave for work, but for now, I needed a night taking care of the little girl who had stolen a piece of my heart.

I took Maddie’s temp which was high, as expected. She sleepily took the medicine I gave, and drank some of the water I put in her Dora Sippy cup, but she was having a difficult time settling. I put on a movie, and we burrowed ourselves under a blanket while I began running my fingers through her hair. It was something I’d seen Clare do on numerous occasions, and it always seemed to soothe her. About fifteen minutes later, her eyes fluttered, and eventually closed, and she fell asleep in my arms.

I purposely remained awake a while longer, watching the breath move in and out of her body through her rose colored lips. It’s amazing how life can change on you in an instant. A few months ago, I was afraid of my own emotions, and I protected myself with a thick layer of ice. I pushed away the few people in my life who actually loved me, scared that the love I felt for them was a long standing lie as well. I had convinced myself that someone who grows up without knowing love was incapable of giving it. It was the reason why I couldn’t love Melanie, the reason I had ruined our marriage. And so I gave up. If I didn’t know how to love, why bother? Why bother with any of it?

And then I walked into an exam room and met two redheads that took my bitter, pathetic excuse for a life and turned it upside down. I was so afraid that I’d never be able to love anyone, and here I was, holding a child I desperately wanted to call my own and upstairs was a woman I would give my life for.

Turns out I was always capable of love, I just hadn’t found it yet.

“Hey,” Clare’s sleepy voice wafted in as she entered the family room and sat next to me on the couch.

“Hey.” I answered back, “She woke me. Said she didn’t feel good, so I took her down here. I hope you don’t mind.”

She smiled, looking at Maddie in my arms, as she placed her own hand over mine and we begin to stroke Maddie’s hair together. “It’s perfect. Seeing you there with her, it’s perfect,” she whispered.

“I love you.” I told her without hesitation, saying the words I’ve been holding inside of me for far too long, “I’ve loved you Clare, every minute of every day, since the very first day.”

A single tear escaped down Clare’s cheek before I heard the single greatest words of my life.

“I love you, too. Oh God, I love you too, Logan,” she said, her voice raw and heavy with emotion.

I pulled her toward me, kissing her gently, making sure not to wake Maddie who was still asleep in my arms. We kissed, hugged and cried for hours as we held Maddie throughout the night. Exactly like a family would do, because that’s what we were now, a family. After years of being ignored in my own family, I had found one of my own. I no longer needed anyone else, as long as I had Clare and Maddie in my life.

Chapter Fourteen

~Clare~

“This is where we’re supposed to be?” Logan asked as the cab pulled up to the curb. I looked at the hotel, admiring its beautiful exterior, complete with historic brickwork and elegant overhang.

“What’s wrong with it? It’s stunning,” I said as I helped Maddie out of the bright yellow cab.