With Every Heartbeat

“It hurt when I found out Cora had cheated and lied about everything,” I said, shaking my head. “But when you walked out of that room like that, with Ten, it…it destroyed me.”

More tears filled her eyes. “But I didn’t—”

I just kept shaking my head. “Doesn’t matter. It doesn’t matter if I believed it for five seconds or five months, it ripped me apart, and I don’t ever want to feel like that again.” I apologized to her with my eyes before admitting, “I’m not ready for this.”

She whimpered and whispered my name. More tears slid down her cheeks.

“I thought I was okay after...after what she did. I thought I’d handled it and gotten over it. But...I think she did break something in me. I think I need time to heal. I think...I think it shouldn’t scare me like this to realize how deeply I’ve let you in.”

And I had let her in...completely. I hadn’t even questioned it when she’d told me she was on the pill. I’d just believed, because she was Zoey. That made me twice the idiot since I should’ve learned my lesson after Cora.

I thought Zoey was going to crumble, but she straightened her shoulder and nodded before looking into my eyes and rasping, “I understand. I knew you needed time after her. I just...I should’ve made you take that time instead of convincing myself you were okay.”

I think watching her stiffen her spine and bear this hurt more than if she’d kept on weeping and begging. I swallowed the lump in my throat, but it wouldn’t go down.

“I’m sorry,” I said. “I’m so sorry.”

She laughed softly and wiped at the last of her tears. Pushing to her feet, she murmured, “I’m the one caught coming out of a bedroom with some guy and you’re the one apologizing? You’re something else, Quinn Hamilton.”

“It feels as if I stole your innocence, and now I’m just shoving it right back in your face.”

“You didn’t steal anything.” With a smile, she pushed to her feet. “You can’t steal something that was given freely.” After a regretful sigh, she leaned down and pressed a gentle kiss to my forehead. “Go and heal. Just...take care of yourself, Quinn.”

I snaked my arms around and snagged her around the hips, drawing her against me so I could bury my face in her waist. Her smell enveloped me and consoled me. I squeezed my eyes closed, knowing even as I was pushing her away, she was the only person who could comfort me at a time like this. Her fingers in my hair almost made me purr.

I was a split second away from changing my mind. What the heck did I think I was doing? I loved this girl. We clicked. She adored Psych just as much as I did, she got my love for biology even when she wasn’t a fan herself, and she was the best lover and best friend I’d ever had, all rolled into one.

I would be miserable without her.

But she was the one who finally pulled back, brushing gently at my hair. I couldn’t take any more of this, so I mumbled something about how I had to go. I surged to my feet and stumbled away. I had no idea where I was headed; I just started walking, hoping I could clear my head and decide I didn’t want time or space away from her after all.

I was still sitting on the bench where I collapsed after Quinn left me, numb and alone in the dark, when a panting Ten raced up.

“There you are.” Breathless, he paused to rest his hands on his knees. “Where’s Ham? Did he already go after Belcher?”

I shook my head. “No. I didn’t tell him about Belcher.”

“What?” Ten straightened and glanced around. “Then what the hell did you tell him? Where is he?”

“I didn’t tell him anything except that he was wrong, that you and I didn’t…that we didn’t do anything.”

Ten shook his head, confused. “I don’t get it. Why the fuck didn’t you tell him about Belcher?”

I wasn’t too sure why myself. “I don’t know. I wanted him to believe me without telling him everything.” I looked up at Ten, feeling lost. “He said he believed me, but I don’t think he really did. He broke up with me, saying he needed time, and then he left.” Everything inside me felt as if it was crumbling. “Why didn’t he believe me?”

“Jesus fucking Christ, Blondie.” Ten groaned and covered his face. “Why do you think he couldn’t believe you? Cora put him through such a mind fuck, he doesn’t even know if he should believe his own bladder about whether he has to take a piss or not.”

I shuddered and held myself a little harder. “Maybe he was right then. Maybe he does need time and space. Maybe he needs to heal from her before he can move on with anyone else. You said yourself that he shouldn’t rebound right back into a committed relationship.”