Accidentally Married to…a Vampire?(Accidentally Yours #2)(2)
Author: Mimi Jean Pamfiloff

Niccolo swallowed hard. Cristo sacro! I am going to have to sleep with the crazy she-demon. Perhaps he could secure the return of her island instead? He, too, was “loaded.” Might even have an additional island somewhere to sweeten the pot. To keep track of such things proved challenging after a thousand years or so of existence.

“And second”—she held out two fingers—“you’re really not my type. I like ’em warm. But I will take that shirt and those pants.”

Not her “type?” She is out of her mind. On the other hand, if the goddess merely desired his mud-caked clothes…

“Buon,” he replied. He could easily glamour new garments off a nearby villager later. He slipped off his not-so-white linen shirt and black trousers and stood before her in the buff.

A sly smile stretched across her pixy-like face before she whistled and gave him a leisurely once-over. “I like you, Vampire. You have this whole tanned European, NBA, gladiator, Je-ne-sais-pas, man-fusion thing going. I’m totally getting you.”

He had no clue what she’d just said, but he did not care to know or to waste more time. He tossed the clothes to her feet. “Eccolo.”

Still gazing at his nude form, Cimil sighed and then began dressing. “You even smell delicious. Like a hint of chocolate with vanilla, and…”

“Mud?” he said dryly.

“That’s it.” She slipped on his large shirt and pants. The five-foot woman looked like a child playing dress up in her father’s clothes. “Well, Niccolo, I haven’t got all day. Why do you risk life and limb to see me?”

“My freedom.”

Cimil froze mid-way through rolling up a pant leg. “You want to leave the queen’s employ?”

He nodded with an uncompromising stare.

“Complicated. Unprecedented. Perfectly insane…I’m in!” She froze for several awkward moments and then sparked back to life. “Wait. Why do you need good ol’ Auntie Cimi’s help?”

Niccolo hated to air vampire dirty laundry, but Cimil had to have heard of Reyna, the queen. “There is only one way to be relieved from her service: death. I would like to avoid it.”

“I see. You wouldn’t happen to have some wildly irrational reason for doing all this, would you? I love acts of futile insolence. They’re so whimsical!”

Trying not to sound like a pansy, he admitted, “I no longer wish to kill for her.”

“A vampire who doesn’t want to…kill? You don’t want to—” Cimil broke off, laughing hysterically. “That totally qualifies!”

Niccolo’s rage percolated as she clutched her stomach and slapped her knee. How dare she mock him! In truth, he had no objection to killing for the right reasons—for example, to protect the innocent from dark vampires, Obscuros—but for far too long he’d killed simply because he’d been ordered. He needed to be free, to know that every death he caused was justified.

Then there was the small matter of the queen’s mental instability, which undoubtedly fueled her unscrupulous behavior. The last straw had been when she demanded he blind the maid because the girl did not curtsy properly. He’d had to quickly call in several favors and get her a position with a respectable family where she’d be allowed to keep her eyes.

Sì, it was as clear as the fangs in his mouth; if there was a Crazy-Shrew Olympiad, the powerful queen would triumph.

Upholding the Pact between the gods and vampires, destroying Obscuros, those were still worthy causes, but he needed to get far away from Reyna before he ended up killing her—an act which would have fatal consequences for any vampire unfortunate enough to carry her blood, including himself.

Cimil continued howling with laughter and then suddenly spotted a large black beetle strolling past her foot. Her eyes filled with horror. “N-n-no. I think you are”—she swallowed hard—“lovely. I would never say that.” She jerked her head up and looked back at Niccolo. “Okay? And if I don’t help you?”

Is she speaking to me or the insect? “Then I will die,” he answered anyway.

“Live free or die, is it?” she said, eying the bug again.

She is mad. Why did I come here?

“Sì. That is correct,” he replied hesitantly.

Cimil watched the beetle disappear under a rock. She sighed with relief and then continued rolling up the other pant leg.

“You’re like a bad bumper sticker,” she said.

Bumper sticker? Why does she insist on speaking in code? Niccolo began grinding his teeth.

She stood, grasping the waistline of the pants to hold them up. “Lucky you, I enjoy a challenge. You’d be surprised what dull, predictable things people ask me…‘When will I die? When will the world end?’ Blah, blah, blah…”

Niccolo released a quick breath. “Will you assist me or not?” he said.

“Sure, my little cupcake of despair. Now, normally I charge $12.99 plus shipping and handling, but in this case I’ll cut you a deal. You will be indebted to me, and I will have the right to call in the favor at any time in the future or past.”

Past? That settles it. I have found another contender for Crazy Shrew. Very well, at least I will not have to sleep with her. He hoped. He too “liked ’em warm” and with a heart or a soul for that matter. A little sanity might be pleasant, too.

“Agreed,” he said.

Cimil took several steps forward, closing the gap between them, and stared with her large turquoise green eyes. “Prophecy time, mighty warrior. Kneel.”

Niccolo complied.

Baring a devilish grin, Cimil placed her soft hands on his cheeks and rubbed his unshaven jaw. “Oooh. Just like your eyes. So tough and black. The things your stubble could teach my calluses.”

Niccolo cocked one brow.

Cimil frowned. “No? Not into calluses? Fine, then.” She took a deep breath and then stared into his eyes before softly kissing his lips. She sucked in a deep breath as if absorbing his scent. “Okay. Up, up.”

That is all?

“Well?” he asked.

She turned and pushed through the thick underbrush, uncovering an overgrown path.

Niccolo trailed behind her, thoroughly perplexed. “Where the devil are you going?” he bellowed with his deep commanding voice. “Tell me what you saw!”

“I was right about you, big guy,” she said. “You are a challenge, and I’m going to love watching you run this gauntlet. It’s a delightfully cruel one, at least for your shallow, undead mind.”