Accidentally…Over? (Accidentally Yours #5)(59)
Author: Mimi Jean Pamfiloff

Roberto appeared at her side. “It is true. We are amazaballs,” he said stiffly. “Only a few got away, but we planned to hunt them later. Possibly for Easter. The older vampires are bored with eggs.”

The crowd cheered and applauded wildly. Ashli guessed it was for the news of the Maaskab being exterminated, not for their creepy Easter plans.

Cimil took a bow. “There’ll be time for lavishing me with ridiculous amounts of praise and gifts later. But for the moment, you may all show your gratitude by giving me my trophy!”

“You cheated.” The man in the priest outfit stepped out of the crowd.

Ashli cleared her throat. “Everyone. Um… I saw the whole thing, and Cimil didn’t cheat. I mean, yes, she made everyone look away, but she didn’t grab any balls.”

Cimil’s tall vampire gloated. “In the last ten minutes, you mean.”

“Uh—yeah. Sure,” Ashli said.

“See! I won. The girl says so.” Cimil flipped the priest the bird.

“Perhaps,” the priest argued, “you did not steal any balls, but the momentary distraction gave you the advantage. You still cheated.”

Mumbles of agreement erupted from the crowd.

Cimil sighed. “Okay. Perhaps my move was bit unsportsmanlike. I concede. We will have a rematch. By the way, does anyone else have the urge to perform an interpretive dance depicting the beauty of springtime? Or perhaps write a flowery haiku?”

A bunch of people raised their hands.

Cimil fell to the floor like a bag of wet cement, completely unconscious. Her vampire dropped to his knees. “Sweetheart? Sweetheart?” He gently slapped her cheeks and then placed his ear over her heart. “Cimil?”

Cimil grumbled and then slowly opened her eyes.

The vampire smiled with relief. “What happened, my love?”

Cimil sat up and rubbed her temples. “I don’t know.”

He helped Cimil to her feet. “Let’s go find somewhere for you to lie down.” The vampire walked the wobbly Cimil toward the exit.

“Wait.” Cimil gripped his arm to steady herself. Her head whipped from side to side. “Other me?” She held her breath and listened. “Other me?” Cimil looked at her vampire. “Ohmygods, Roberto, she’s gone! She’s gone! We did it! We did it. We stopped the apocalypse!” Her two index fingers shot up in the air. “Victory, baby! Twice in one day!” Cimil started doing a strange two-fingered kind of disco dance.

“You no longer see her? At all?” the vampire asked.

“What’s going on, Máax?” Ashli whispered.

“Your guess is as good as mine,” he replied, just as astonished as everyone else witnessing the spectacle. “Except on Wednesdays when my guessing is nearly infallible.”

Cimil turned toward everyone. “It’s over! It’s over!”

Máax stepped forward. “Cimil?”

“The apocalypse isn’t coming!” she sang out. “My dead self from the future has finally disappeared! It means that we are all going to live.”

Máax shook his head. “You had a dead self from the future? And the apocalypse is over?”

“Yes!” Cimil clapped excitedly, hopping like a crazy cricket. “The Universe works in mysterious ways, my brother. Of course, if I had held the tournament last year as scheduled, we probably could have avoided this whole thing, but I forgot to put the event on my calendar—got tied up with that Love Boat marathon.” Cimil sighed happily. “But now, all is right in the world again. And you may all go on to have your babies, get married, and live long, happy lives.”

“What is she talking about?” Ashli stared at Cimil as did everyone else.

“I have no idea,” Máax said. “Cimil, please tell us this isn’t another one of your stupid jokes.”

“Uh-uh. I’m serious as a stripper on a pole.”

Everyone in the room grumbled.

“You’re trying to tell us,” Máax said, “that each of us has gone to hell and back, through months of torment and battles, sacrifices and worry, only to find out that this was the pivotal moment?”

Cimil grinned. “Sure. Why not?”

Groans and boos erupted in the ballroom.

Máax looked like he might actually take her head. “You knew this was the answer the entire time, didn’t you? And you lied about Ashli. You were playing me.”

Cimil grinned. “You’ll never know. But you had the time of your life, and don’t even try denying it!”

More boos filled the room, and party snacks flew at Cimil’s head.

She ducked and dodged. “What? Derailing an apocalypse is like an orgasm or finding a garage sale. You don’t argue when they happen! You just say, ‘Thank you.’ Or you say”—she looked directly at Ashli and winked—“ ‘Thank you, Ashli.’ ”

Was Cimil serious? Putting a stop to that spat had been Ashli’s big moment? It all just seemed so… trivial.

Ashli looked up at Máax. “Is it really over? Just like that?”

“I believe so.” Máax nodded cautiously. “However, after all of the drama and angst, it feels like we’re missing a big bloody battle or a near miss with an A-bomb.”

“Nope. I’m good. Drama and angst are completely overrated.” She was about to tell Máax about her vision, but decided it wasn’t important.

“Well, I suppose there’s always next apocalypse,” Máax said.

Ashli blinked. “How often do they happen?”

“Often enough, according to Cimil. But we don’t usually cut it so close,” he replied.

“Oh, goody. And I’m immortal so I get to do it again.”

Immoooortal. Immoooortal. Nope. Still doesn’t feel real.

“Hey. Put ’er there, Ash!” A blonde woman dressed as a referee angel held out her fist.

“Do I know you?” Ashli asked.

“Nope. This is just a random, congratulatory fist bump.” She wiggled her fist, urging Ashli to take part.

“Uh. Okay.” Ashli obliged, and the woman grinned, then disappeared into the crowd.

“That was weird. I could swear I’ve met her before,” Ashli said to Máax who simply shrugged.

“This calls for drinks,” slurred Belch.

The crowd buzzed with jubilation, everyone exchanging hugs and high fives. Except for Cimil—Ashli caught a glimpse of her being carried away by her vampire. They were mauling each other’s lips.