Ashes (Page 55)
“And when she went to him, when she told him, he did not run screaming from her in horror. He did not shun her or turn her away. He accepted her.” Cassie’s tears rolled freely down her face now, Devon was certain she didn’t even realize she was crying. “He turned for her.”
Her head bowed, her hair fell forward in a golden shield. “That was when I truly realized what love was, and that I did not have to be a monster. I had been feeding from animals the whole time, but it was then that I realized that although I was no longer human, I did not have to give into the darker side of my existence. I had made the wrong choices when I was changed, but now I could do something to try and make up for it, and that was what I vowed to do.
“I stayed with them for a few more years, until I gained better control of myself. For unlike Annabelle and Liam, I knew the pleasure of human blood, and I knew the rush of power that came with it. It was harder for me, but when I felt confident enough to go on my own, I did so. They needed their time together, and I needed to start trying to make amends for my sins. I will continue to do so for as long as I exist.”
Her heart was in her eyes as she stared at him. “I didn’t know love until I met you Cassie. Annabelle showed me the rightness of the world, but you brought me back to life. You showed me what it was to put someone ahead of myself. To be willing to die for someone. You showed me what it was to truly love.”
A soft sob escaped her, her tears fell more rapidly, but she didn’t move. Did not come to him. No matter how much he wanted her forgiveness, her understanding, she was still not ready to give it. No matter how hard it had been to tell her about Annabelle, he knew there were even worse atrocities in his past.
“And Elizabeth and Isla?”
Fighting the urge to groan, Devon’s hands fisted as he resumed pacing once more. Her questions were wandering closer to areas he did not want to tell her about. She was getting dangerously close to Robert, the worst secret that he harbored, and one he didn’t want her to have any knowledge of. Ever.
“Elizabeth is the woman that changed me.”
At Cassie’s sharp inhalation, he returned to the window, keeping his back to her. How did he tell her about the monster he had been, even before he had become a vampire, and still look at her? He couldn’t.
CHAPTER 19
Cassie stared at Devon’s rigid back, fighting the urge to go to him. Her hands itched to touch him, longed to ease the pain and self loathing that he radiated. But if she went to him now he would stop talking, and there would be no other chance for her to learn about him.
Though he may not want to remember these things, he needed to talk about them, and he needed to be forgiven for them afterward. He needed her forgiveness, and although she didn’t know what was still to come, she knew he would receive it. This man before her was not the monster that had done these things.
This man was the one that loved her, cared for her, cherished her. Even with all the women in his past, and she was certain that there were far more than these three, it was her that he wanted. Her that he truly loved.
“I was born in Devonshire England, hence my name. I was the second son of a Duke. I was wealthy, spoiled, and without the added burden of inheritance that my older brother Robert had.” Cassie frowned as his tone changed a little, a hint of anger crept into his flat voice as he said his brother’s name. She didn’t have time to ponder it though as he continued on. “Robert was serious, studious, smart, the apple of my father’s eye, his one true son. I was a cast off, the one that would only count if something happened to Robert. I prayed everyday that nothing ever did happen to him, for I wanted nothing to do with my father, or any of his responsibilities. I despised the man for his indifference, and hated him even more for his cruelty.”
He kept his gaze focused out the window, unwilling to turn back to her. His shoulders were stiff, anguish poured from him. Though she wanted to know the truth, it was not worth this. These memories were destroying him, and she wasn’t sure that she wanted to know what cruelty his father had bestowed upon him. “Devon you don’t have to do this, you…”
“Yes I do,” he interrupted harshly, his voice hissing out of him. “You need to know. You have a right to know.”
Cassie’s mouth snapped shut, her stomach tightened into a hard knot as she slid limply onto the bed. This was something that he had to do. “My father had what you would call anger issues. Issues that he took out on me, the wasted offspring. I cried out once and my mother came to my defense, she was punished for her insolence so I learned to take every beating in silence.
“When I turned eighteen I was eager to escape, desperate to be free, even if it was to the university. Once free, I took refuge in the local taverns, drinking heavily, gambling, and… well other things,” he mumbled. His shoulders slouched slightly as his head bowed. Cassie didn’t have to hear what those other things were to know that they were women. “I stopped going to school, I lost myself in every form of drudgery I could find, just hoping that it would get back to my father. Just hoping to piss him off. I didn’t care if he disowned me, I had discovered that I had a talent with cards, and I was doing well supporting myself.
“Then I met Elizabeth. She was in one of the gaming halls that I often visited. It was amazing to see her there, women were not allowed into the clubs unless they were working them. And Elizabeth was definitely not working this club, or at least she wasn’t working it as one of the escorts. In fact, no one there seemed to know her, but they all wanted to get closer to her, and no one asked her to leave.
“What none of us knew was that Elizabeth had discovered that the men’s gaming halls were a perfect way to make a lot of money. She could take it from anyone she wanted to, and of course, there was plenty of food for her there.”
He rested his arm against the sill, leaning forward as he stared out at the night. The hard muscles in his arms and back rippled as he moved. Though the tense silence was killing her, Cassie kept silent. Devon was no longer with her, but trapped in a past that he couldn’t escape. Shuddering slightly, Cassie huddled deeper into herself, wishing that she could ease the agony radiating from him.
“I wanted Elizabeth, but I wasn’t like the other men, I didn’t chase her around. I didn’t throw money and jewels at her; I did not even buy her a drink. It aggravated the hell out of her; she simply didn’t understand how I was able to resist her. In fact, I still don’t know how I did. For, although she was a vampire, I did not feel that lure to her as strongly as other humans did.