Bang Bang(18)
Author: Rachel Van Dyken

“Ax?” Amy’s hand found mine. I felt the pressure of her hand, but no warmth, nothing… I was numb. It always made me numb, thinking about what I did to Joey.

My whole life I’d blamed the De Langes, but I was the bastard that pulled the trigger. Suddenly, telling her about my past didn’t seem like the best choice I could have made. Pissed at myself, pissed at the situation, and even more pissed that she was trying to comfort me for shooting my own family in cold blood, I jerked my hand away and said, “It’s not a big deal.”

I couldn’t turn my brain off from the image of Joey’s face.

“Ax?” he asked holding up his hands. “What are you doing, man?”

“You or me.”

“Ax!” he shouted. “We’ll find another way.”

“No,” Mario De Lange whispered. “You really won’t. Make your choice.”

He was a cold bastard, the De Lange boss. I wanted to point the gun in his direction, almost did so, until Joey lifted his gun into the air, shaking it in my direction.

“I love you, man.” Tears streamed down his face.

So that was it.

I knew Joey wasn’t a great shot, knew that he always hesitated before shooting because he counted to three. He was a child. It was why he’d never be a made man. I was the same age, but I had no such hesitation as I held up my gun and fired off one shot.

He fell to the ground in a heap.

Mario offered a dark smile and whispered, “Welcome to the Family.” Just as my own father appeared out of the shadows and clapped his hands, once, twice. With a sigh he turned on his heel handed Mario a large envelope of cash and said, “It was great doing business with you.”

“Consider us even.” Mario nodded. “But never for long… not with an Abandonato.”

“I do not expect it.” My father chuckled, slapping him on the back as if we were at a family barbecue. As if the blood from my cousin’s body wasn’t creating a trail towards my father’s boot.

I said nothing.

When my father offered me the first smile I’d seen on his face since I was three I did nothing.

“Look.” My father pointed at Joey’s body. “Look at what you did.” He shoved his hands in the pockets of his black suit jacket. “It seems you won’t be a mechanic your whole life after all — we’ll be in touch. Go home, eat, drink, I’ll have the men clean it up. After all, it was an accident.”

“I killed him,” I whispered hoarsely.

“No. You didn’t.” He shrugged. “The De Langes did, and if you know what’s good for you, you’ll keep quiet.”

It fueled the war between our families.

Mario was too greedy for money to not keep his shady dealings going, he had no idea the ripple effect it would have on our already tumultuous relationship.

But I did.

“Ax?” Amy’s hand moved to my shoulder. “Ax, come back, are you okay?”

Clenching my teeth together, I gave a nod and continued driving. Driving I could do. Straight lines, moving forward, slowly accelerating. I could do all those things.

She sighed. “Pull over.”

“I’m fine.” The lie was easy.

She groaned and leaned forward. “I’m going to puke.”

That did it. I quickly checked my rearview mirror and pulled to the side of the road; gravel shot up in all directions along with dust. I put the car in park and pulled my seatbelt off, ready to help her out of the car when she suddenly launched herself at me.

“What the—”

Her lips crushed mine.

I wasn’t stupid.

I stole that kiss.

I freaking gripped her shoulders with my hands so tight I let out a moan directly into her mouth. Her seatbelt went flying and then she was in my lap, straddling me, pushing me against the soft leather of the seat.

When Amy pulled back, chest heaving, I couldn’t look away. The moment was beautiful; she was beautiful. “I take it you aren’t sick?”

“No.” She grinned. “But you scared me.”

“I was driving fifty in a sixty-five.” I said dryly.

“Not the driving.” She kissed my mouth again, softer, her tongue lazily dancing across my lips. “The story… you checked out… please don’t do that again, not with me, Ax.”

“You kissed me.”

“Let’s focus on the task at hand.” Amy gripped my neck with her hands then slid them up my face until I was looking directly at her. “You won’t do that to me. Ever.”

“I won’t,” I whispered. “I won’t shut you out — never again.”

“Good.” She brushed another kiss across my lips, her body relaxing in my arms. “Thank you.”

“I think you have that backwards… I’m the one getting straddled, shouldn’t I be the one giving thanks?”

Her eyes darkened. “I may still be a bit afraid of you, afraid of the Family — okay a lot afraid. But for what you did… when you were eighteen. I know you think about it every day… how could you not? Taking someone’s life, someone you love, only to selfishly have air enough to breathe while you stole their very heartbeat.”

“Not helping, Ames.”

“Let me finish.” She swallowed, her eyes filling with tears. “It wasn’t selfish. What you did.”

I looked away.

“Ax.” She gripped my face in her hands again, her nails digging into my cheeks. “What you did was one of the most selfless things a person could do. You didn’t just kill him, you lost your own soul in the process — to save mine.”

I didn’t want her thanks. I didn’t want her damn gratitude. What I wanted was to shoot something. To forget how vulnerable it felt to have her sitting on my lap, telling me I wasn’t the devil when I knew what I saw in the mirror everyday.

“Now kiss me,” she ordered.

“What?”

“Did I stutter?”

“Did you mean to?” I fired back.

“Kiss me.” She wiggled on my lap. “Let me taste you… just this once… before we go back to Chicago before… just before. You said all I had to do was ask.”

Her eyes were wild, haunted, like she needed assurance I wasn’t going to turn her down. Like hell. The want scared me — terrified me. I’d never wanted something so violently before — so much that it consumed every cell in my body, demanded I do something to obtain it.