Bet in the Dark(25)
Author: Rachel Higginson

“Holy shit!” Gunner, obviously a man of few words.

“Worst day of my life,” I groaned.

“It wasn’t all bad,” Fin said softly. I snapped my eyes up to meet his and stared him down. He was looking at me with the smallest smirk on his face and those heated chocolate eyes.

“It was kind of all bad,” I insisted.

“I think some of it was kind of good.”

The rest of the table and cafeteria faded into the background while Fin and I shared this back and forth. I hadn’t wanted to admit to his flirting before, but he was holding my gaze in his as if it were a physical thing, as if the attraction, the intensity between us could be touched and stoked with the smallest encouragement. He was hard to ignore this time. Ok, impossible.

“Mmm, pretty sure, I’m right.” Because I was right. That was a terrible day. He was crazy to even joke about meeting him being good. Ok, truthfully, I didn’t hate knowing him now. But that day had been awful.

“Then I’m just going to have to change your mind.” His voice dropped to that low, raspy octave again and I wanted to make him keep talking just so I could listen to it for the rest of the day.

“I’d like to see you try,” I challenged.

“Ellie, I’ve been trying.” He admitted that and it knocked the breath out of me. “Good thing I don’t give up easily.”

“Maybe you should,” I whispered.

Fin leaned forward, his smirk growing just a little bit more with confidence, “What kind of gambling man would I be if I didn’t know when to bet blind?”

“Bet blind?” I asked, my curiosity winning out over my anxiety.

“Bet blind, dark bet, bet in the dark, basically it means I’ve gambled big before it’s my turn,” he explained but it still didn’t make sense.

“Who’s turn is it?”

“Yours and I can’t predict what you’re going to do, but that hasn’t stopped me from throwing my chips in,” he leaned forward like he was telling me a secret. “I might not know how you’re going to play but I’m confident I can win.”

I took a giant bite of grilled cheese dipped in ketchup so I wouldn’t have to respond to that right away. Plus I did other mature things, like I avoided eye contact and stole another one of Jameson’s fries. Then I smashed the fry into the grilled cheese and dipped it in ketchup again.

“That is the grossest thing I’ve ever seen,” Jameson said with a puckered look on his face.

“She puts ketchup on everything,” Britte explained with the same disgusted look. “Even pizza.”

“You’re really twelve, aren’t you?” Jameson teased. “Only little kids put ketchup on everything.”

“I like it,” I smiled. “Plus, it’s good for you.”

“How’s that?” Jameson asked, clearly amused by me.

“Because of the tomatoes.”

“You know that’s not how it works, right?” Jameson laughed at me.

Out of the corner of my eye I saw Fin staring at me intently. I had to avoid his eyes, his attention in general. Because every time I felt the urge to look over at him, I also had the urge to tell him I believed he could win too.

Obviously I was out of my mind.

I took one more huge bite of grilled cheese dipped in ketchup and then stood up. “Jameson, text me later about studying. B, I’ll call you later. Sorry to bail on you, but I have to go. Now.”

Britte shot me a sympathetic smile and I knew she’d been eavesdropping earlier. I stepped away from the table and pulled my backpack on again. Ready to bolt, I gave a quick wave to Charlie and Gunner who had engaged some girls at the end of the table in conversation and then last but not least I waved at Fin.

He was holding out a single key and key ring.

I quirked an eyebrow at him, but he just explained, “For tomorrow night. You can let yourself in whenever, just be there in time to start the game. I’ll leave instructions. The game starts at eight, so be there with plenty of time.”

“Aye, aye,” I saluted sarcastically. And then just to piss him off I said, “Gunner, Charlie, Jameson, have a great meet!”

Chapter Eleven

“Hey mom,” I answered my phone against my better judgment as I unlocked Fin’s door. I walked in and dropped my backpack on the couch and headed straight to the refrigerator. The door slammed shut behind me.

“Hey, how are you sweetheart?” My mom cooed over the phone. “Are you at home?”

“I’m good.” I barely got the words out in a breathy whisper. Inside Fin’s refrigerator everything was marked with sticky notes scratched out in his masculine, slanted handwriting. There was a twelve pack of Cherry Coke that said, “I asked Britte what your favorite was.” There was a jar of salsa that said, “Chips are in the pantry.” There was a ketchup bottle front and center that said, “For your pizza. You should have told me last time.”

“I was on the phone with Beckett just five minutes ago and he said he stopped by your apartment but you weren’t home. You’re not avoiding him, are you? Listen honey, I know you’re brothers can be a lot, but they just care about you. That’s how they show you that they love you.”

I know. I wasn’t sure how to answer her without lying to her or snapping at her so I just stayed silent and she kept talking. Apparently she didn’t need me to participate to have a conversation.

My mom kept gabbing in my ear, something about something happening at home. I wasn’t listening, I was rifling through the pantry. Food was everywhere marked with more sticky notes. My favorite though was on the actual door of the pantry, “Don’t even bother looking. You won’t find any Ramen Noodles here. This is a Ramen Noodle safe zone.”

I smiled. I couldn’t help myself. This was the most thoughtful thing anyone had done for me in a long time. And it was just so unexpected from him.

“So what time works for you Saturday?” My mother’s curious tone brought me from my melting.

“Um….” I was stalling and I knew that, but I realized I didn’t know what my silence agreed to.

“I could be there as early as nine, we could get breakfast or coffee before we go,” she pressed.

“Go where? Sorry mom, I was, um, I didn’t hear,” I confessed and then bit my bottom lip nervously.

“Eleanor,” she sighed. “Did you hear anything I said?”

“Everything else,” I promised. “I just, um, spaced out. Sorry, it’s been a long week.” And it would be an even longer night. I was staring at the pile of take-out menus with ratings on them determining what Fin thought I would like best to least. Pizza was on the top. He wasn’t fighting fair anymore.

“I’m coming to visit you this weekend. Grayson is letting me stay at his place. I thought we could go shopping Saturday for some apartment accessories, maybe some more clothes. My treat,” she sounded as excited as I’d ever heard her.

“Oh, mom, I don’t need you to buy me anything. It will just be nice to spend time with you,” I said earnestly. Because if she bought me something for the apartment she would want to come over and see it and then she would walk into empty rooms and mismatched dishes and then she might die of a heart attack.

At the very least I would have to explain what happened to it all.

And I couldn’t do that.

“Well, let’s just start with breakfast and see where the day takes us,” she suggested indulgently. Her tone suggested that she would get her way no matter what but she was placating me for now.

“Ok,” I sighed. By Saturday I would surely have a game plan. “Breakfast sounds good.”

“You sound tired, sweetheart. Are you getting enough sleep? Are you stressed about money?” her voice was all concern and motherly care. It was hard not to feel like a child when she talked to me like that. And not in the condescending way, but in the way where everything I needed was there for me, where I was safe and sheltered from thieving roommates and boys who were threatening to steal my heart.

“I am tired,” I admitted. “And I have a lot of work left tonight.”

“Alright, then I’ll let you go,” she sounded disappointed to have to get off the phone and a little icicle of family resentment melted inside my chest. They did love me. And if I reminded myself, I loved them too. “Goodnight, sweetie.”

“Night, mom. See you this weekend.”

I hung up and then went to work on making a snack and grabbing a Cherry Coke. And then I ordered a pizza to be delivered in an hour and a half using the credit card Fin left behind as promised.

This felt very relationshippy and I wasn’t sure what to think about that. But I went with it. I had analyzed Fin’s motives and attraction to death inside my head and all I could come up with was that he was attracted to me, I put him off, so he became more intrigued and now he was relentless just to save his ego. Even if he didn’t realize that yet.

But my reasons for holding back stood strong. I was not a seven thousand dollar hooker. And I was not emotionally equipped to deal with Fin’s fall out. It was much easier to melt into puddles of goo by his chivalry now than it was to sweep up the pieces of my heart when he would be inevitably finished with me.

I took my snack and sat down at the computer, readying Fin’s for the game that would start in two hours. I had some work to do on the laptop that was designated for me. And yesterday I started getting bad feelings about one of his players for the big game that would happen in a week.

Tonight there were three smaller ones going on simultaneously with four players in each game. I didn’t feel fantastic about any of them, but he would have reminded me that they were playing for small potatoes. He wouldn’t let them into the bigger games either and that’s why they were playing tonight.

I also checked his Facebook. He still hadn’t been on it since he handed over his password to me. It wasn’t like I was updating his status, but the messages I sent out were left untouched and he still hadn’t said anything to me. If he knew what I was doing he might just strangle me.

That hadn’t stopped me from making sure a gaggle of girls were there at his meet tonight. I was shocked by how many messages from his fan club came in wishing him good luck. So of course, I sent each one of them a private message back telling them how much it would mean to me/Fin if they would come cheer me/Fin and Jameson on.

Obviously I included Jameson. He did want a cheer section after all.

I was nothing if I wasn’t a good friend and a granter of wishes.

The pizza came right on time and I devoured three fourths of it by the time the games got underway. Monitoring the games was mindless for me. I didn’t understand anything that was happening with the cards, and so like Fin said, I just made sure nobody was winning tons of money in huge random chunks, or leaving the game abruptly. Basically I had to make sure things happened slowly and progressively. Easy.

By the end of the game, when the big money would be won, Fin would be here and I wouldn’t have to understand what was happening.