Bet in the Dark(41)
Author: Rachel Higginson

“What did you talk about?” I asked carefully. I wasn’t really sure if I wanted to know. In my entire life I had never known Beckett to want to talk to a girl. Especially a girl he didn’t have to talk to in order to hook up with her in the first place.

“Nothing!” she dropped her hands in defeat. “I told him we had nothing to talk about. And that he was reading way too much into a drunk make out!” She looked at me wide-eyed and then dove back into her cereal.

“And what did he say?”

“He said I would come around and then got up to leave. This made me panic just maybe a little bit because I shot back with, ‘Why would I come around when I don’t even remember making out with you in the first place?’” She winced again at the memory and I echoed her.

“Oh, no. Did you piss him off?”

“Uh, yeah,” she admitted dryly. “He didn’t even say anything; he just looked at me like I disappointed him and left.”

“Well, at least you didn’t have to talk to him. You did save yourself from that inevitable train wreck.” I sympathized.

“That’s true,” she nodded thoughtfully. “I feel bad though.”

“Because you do remember kissing him?” I asked carefully.

“Um, yes. It has all come back to me, in hung-over bits and pieces of reckless drunkenness. I know you don’t want to hear this Els, but you’re brother has a right to be so cocky. Good lord,” she sighed and then took another huge bite of cereal.

“So what’s the problem?”

“It’s Beckett! This box of cereal is more emotional availability than him. Plus, I get the feeling he just wants to soothe his wounded pride. It pissed him off that I didn’t remember him right away and then that I didn’t fall right into his arms as soon as he put minimal effort into getting my attention. I’m majoring in Bio-Chem, I don’t have time to play games and I really don’t have time for Beckett. He’s used to being the center of everything, I hardly believe he’ll understand when I say no to watching him work out in the gym with all his other fan club girls because I have to study six hours just to pass my homework instead. Never mind what it’s like around midterms and finals. We are too different. That’s all there is to it. Plus, he’s your brother. How weird would that be?”

“Super weird,” I agreed. All of her points hit their target and I had to wonder what Beckett was thinking. Britte was probably right, his pride was wounded and he was desperate to rebuild his ego. “Do you think he’ll leave you alone now?”

“Oh, yes,” she nodded emphatically.

“What about your dad? Do you think he’s really planning on friending him?”

Her face paled at that thought and she groaned before answering, “I don’t know, they really seemed to hit it off.”

I laughed at that, and then tried to stop laughing but that only made me laugh harder. “My brother is so weird.”

Britte laughed too this time, “Agreed. So what about you and Mr. Hunter? A sleepover? That’s not very strictly business.”

“Oh gosh,” I sighed. “It was, not, um, exactly planned. On my part at least. Fin might have been planning it from the beginning. He’s sneaky like that.”

“Sounds like he’s smitten,” She smiled dreamily at me.

I blushed. “I don’t know what is going on. I’m so confused. I talked to Ty about it last night and he basically told me I was crazy to be making such a big deal out of this whole seven thousand dollar thing. And then Lennox and Gray stopped by to see me so they could also tell me I have their approval.”

“What?” Britte shrieked out. “Start from the beginning. How does Ty know Fin? And how do Lennox and Grayson know anything about this?”

I sighed and then started from the beginning like she asked. I confessed everything about Fin’s family and how Ty and him knew each other. And then I went into the crazy story about how Grayson and Fin knew each other and how Fin stopped by and actually stood up to not only Grayson but Lennox too.

When I finished she just looked at me, mouth hanging open. This moment was very similar to when I told her the story about Tara and stealing all of my furniture and sending me into monumental debt.

“Say something, B,” I pleaded, hoping she would have sage advice for me.

“I don’t know what to say,” she finally admitted. “I have all kinds of new respect for Fin and even Ty and Gray. But I get your side of the story too. You feel like you would be literally selling out. And now it’s more about helping Declan than even paying Fin back. Maybe you should talk to Fin about it?”

“That’s my plan. I’m going to stop by before I head home.”

“Good luck,” she said sincerely. She walked around the kitchen counter and gave me a sweet hug.

“Thanks. Have fun in Minnesota!” I drawled out the “o” like only those from Wisconsin and Minnesota could and then I squeezed her tight. “I’ll see you when you get back.”

“Love ya,” she said when we finally let go.

“Love you too!”

I walked down to my car more confused than ever. Britte’s concerns with Beckett started to resonate a little too close to home. Were Fin and I just too different? He was a great guy and I was absolutely crazy to pass this up, but would I still feel good about everything between us if I gave in?

“Ellie? Can we talk?”

“Ah!” I screamed. Colton was leaning against the trunk of my car, elbows bent behind him and hands spread out on the faded blue paint. His electric blue eyes were bright with emotion and I recognized his expression as “deeply concerned.”

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you,” he apologized and then straightened up to standing.

“No, it’s Ok, I was just lost in my own head.” I shrugged. What was he doing here?

“I saw you load up your bag and then run back inside,” he explained. “I thought you’d be right back down.”

“Oh, sorry,” I flushed, feeling irrationally bad for leaving him out here for so long. “I got sidetracked inside. You should have texted or something.”

“You haven’t been answering my texts,” he accused in probably the most pathetic voice I’d ever heard.

I cleared my throat because that was true but I didn’t know what to say. “What do you need, Colton?”

“I miss you,” he admitted softly.

What? “Colton, are you serious?”

“Of course, I’m serious. Ellie, you were a big part of my life and then suddenly you aren’t ever around anymore. I try to talk to you and you start making out with other guys, I try to text you and you ignore me. I miss you and it’s driving me crazy! I just want things to go back to how they were.”

“Colton, you cheated on me!” I could not believe this. He could not be serious.

“That was a moment,” I glared at him until he amended his argument, “those were moments of pure stupidity. I love you, Ellie. We grew up in love together. And we can pretend that there’s someone else out there for us, but we both know, in the end, we’ll come back to each other. I need you Ellie-belly. And I know you need me too.”

He sounded so sincere, so tragically remorseful that I almost wanted to believe him. The tiny, miniscule, wretched vindictive part of me cheered that he felt so terrible after hurting me. But the rational, kinder part of my brain reminded me of how I felt about our relationship, how I had given up long before Colton cheated.

“Colton, we were never good for each other. We were wasting our time and we both knew it. I think we both know that’s why you cheated. Three years and following each other to college is a big deal and I don’t think either one of us knew how to walk away from that. But we needed to. I don’t think it’s Ok that you cheated, and I’ll never think it was Ok. But I’m happy with where I’m at now. I’m happy we’re not together anymore.” I felt very mature at the end of that, even while in my head I was editing all the bad names I would have liked to call him.

“You’re happy we’re not together now?” He spat out and then crossed his arms, the ultimate defensive move for Colton. “Why? Because you have Fin Hunter?”

“I don’t have Fin Hunter-“

Colton cut me off, “He’s not going to be your boyfriend, Ellie. He just wants to hook up. Everybody knows that about him. I want to be your boyfriend. I love you. We have a future together.”

Colton left me almost speechless. I meant it when I said we didn’t love each other. We still didn’t and we never would. But I never thought he would come around and fight for me.

“Colton, I don’t know what to say,” I finally admitted.

“Say you’ll give us another chance,” he pleaded. He took a step forward, apparently taking my confusion as a good sign and reached out for my hands. I let him, more out of habit than anything else. His hands were bigger than mine and warm. But they didn’t dwarf mine in their strong, pure-masculine grip like Fin’s and they didn’t start a fire under my skin that spread like wild fire to my guts, lighting everything up in a blaze on the way.

Colton was lukewarm, Fin was dangerously hot.

Colton was forgettable.

Fin would burn me, leaving scars in his wake.

“I can’t say that, Colton,” I met his eyes; eyes that once captivated me and gave me security but now only made me feel pity. “We were over before you cheated. You have to know that. There’s nothing real between us, and I don’t have the energy for this anymore. You deserve better than this. And I really deserve better than you.”

I took my hands back and walked around him. He didn’t make a move to come after me, or really a move at all. I think I stunned him. But that was a good thing. I was learning how to stand up for myself. I was learning to find my independence.

I crawled in my car and pulled forward, since Colton was still just standing there. My heart started pounding in my chest and I barely noticed where I was going as I wound around the outskirts of campus to Fin’s apartment complex.

I was right to leave Colton like that. We didn’t have a future together.

But that didn’t mean Fin and I did either.

Panic settled in my chest as I realized how much power Fin had to hurt me. Colton may have been completely delusional with his expectations for us, but he was right when it came to Fin.

Fin didn’t want to be my boyfriend. And I was out of my mind to think that I could be the girl to change him. And if I let go of all my inhibitions, of everything I expected of myself and gave into him, where would that leave me?

I’d have sold out for money. I was back to the same old argument.

Only this time, I could admit that I would also be heartbroken. Fin would crush me if I allowed whatever was happening between us to become more and then he would just walk away.

Three years of Colton and I had a couple bad weeks and an Econ grade that needed salvaging. Six weeks of Fin and I would never be the same. And if I gave him anymore of my time or heart, he would just continue to steal pieces of me until there was nothing left.