Cloud Walking (Find You in the Dark #1.5)(19)
Author: A. Meredith Walters

The crying stopped instantly. “You are a complete ass**le, Daniel Lowe. With everything I’ve got going on, I can’t believe you’re treating me like this. I wasted so much time with you. And just so you know, I’ve been sleeping with Logan for the last year and a half,” she threw at me.

It wasn’t like her words were exactly a surprise. I knew she wanted them to hurt. Too bad for her, I couldn’t give a crap. “Well, go blow up his phone then,” I said just before I hung up. I smiled down at the dark screen. Damn, that felt good. I shoved the phone in my pocket and headed back to the living room just in time to see Rachel heading toward the hallway.

“Where are you going? We’ve got a game to win,” I said jokingly, not wanting Rachel to leave. I could tell she was upset and call it a hunch, but I knew that I was the reason. I wanted to reach out and hold her. To tell her to stop being so silly because I wanted her and only her. But I was so damned scared to take that step. To screw up things even more than I already had.

But Rachel was beyond angry. Beyond upset. “You know what, Daniel. I’m f**king done.” And that made me angry. Because I didn’t want her to be “done.” I wanted to hear, from her, why she was so mad at me all the time. I was sick of the games. Sick of the drama. I just wanted everything to quiet the f**k down so I could think around this crazy buzzing in my head.

Maggie immediately intervened but I cut her off. “No, Maggie. Let her say what she wants to say. Obviously I’ve pissed her off, again.” Okay, so I sounded like a dick. I didn’t mean to sound like an insensitive ass but I just didn’t know what else to do.

Rachel got up in my face. Her mouth was an inch from mine and we were both breathing heavily. I couldn’t stop myself from looking down at her lips and thinking about tasting them. God, I wanted to taste them.

“Damn straight you pissed me off! I’m so sick of watching you go back and forth with that skank!” I was tired of her throwing Kylie in my face. Particularly when it was a complete moot point. If she’d just let me explain, for once… But I was pissed too and I didn’t handle that well.

“What the hell is it to you?” I growled as I watched Maggie and Clay try to lead Rachel away. I was goading her, I knew that. But I wanted to hear what she’d say. I wanted to know what she was thinking, more than I wanted anything.

Maggie glared at me and told me to back off. Clay positioned himself between us, which was even more exasperating. Why was this dude interfering? It was none of his damn business.

Then Rachel was telling me I walked all over her and I was telling her she was my friend. That I wanted to know what I had done wrong and then it happened.

“Yes, we’re friends! But damn you, Daniel! I love you! I’m tired of you hurting me!” Rachel cried out, covering her face with her hands. I stood there completely dumbstruck. She loved me? She loved me! But I needed confirmation. I needed to make sure I heard that correctly and that it meant the same thing to her as it did to me. I stared at Rachel, willing her to look at me, but she kept her face covered. Her shoulders shaking with sobs that ripped my heart out. So I turned to Maggie.

“She loves me? What the hell is she talking about?” Please, just tell me what I want to hear, I begged my friend silently. Rachel tore away from Clay and Maggie and ran down the hallway to our room. Away from me. And then I couldn’t take anymore.

So I punched the stupid f**king wall. I knew it was a shitty thing to do, but I just couldn’t keep it all inside anymore. And then I freaking left. I walked out into the freezing snow. I needed to get away from all of them. Away from the craziness.

I headed to the lake and sagged down on a bench. I didn’t feel the cold. I was too caught up in my erratic thoughts. Rachel loved me. Once she said that, it all clicked into place and I knew without a shadow of a doubt that I wanted her. I wanted a chance at happiness…with her. But I was worried that I had messed that all up. How do I approach her now and say, Hey there, I love you too…wanna be my girlfriend?

Maggie found me a few minutes later and she talked me off of that cliff, just like she always did. She convinced me that I needed to go talk to Rachel. That I needed to sort things out. I didn’t lay things out for Maggie and admit how deep my feelings were for Rachel. Call it dumb pride, but I didn’t want to admit all that and then have my heart broken publicly by Rachel’s rejection. I was too unsure of how things were going to go.

I hadn’t realized Clay was standing there until I got up to walk back into the house. He didn’t look happy, but the truth was the dude rarely looked happy and my mind was focused on the girl inside. The girl who could shred my guts in an instant.

So I made my way back into the house. I slowly walked down the hallway and stopped outside the door to the room we were sharing. Should I knock?

Screw it. I pushed open the door and went inside…and froze. Rachel was curled in the middle of the bed, her chin tucked into her chest, looking completely destroyed. Had I done that to her? Oh lord, I didn’t want to do that to her.

I had told her love shouldn’t make you feel like that and here I was making her f**king feel like that. That ends now. Tonight. I didn’t care about the damn consequences. I needed Rachel to know how I felt, that the hurting had to stop.

I sat down on the edge of the bed and looked at her. She was so beautiful. Had I never really appreciated how incredibly gorgeous she was? Even with her face red and splotchy from tears, she was the most intensely amazing thing I had ever seen. My life began and ended with her. She was the one who always made me feel like I was able to put one foot in front of the other. She was the one who had held my hand as I cried (as much as I had tried to hide it) after breaking my arm in the second grade. She was the one who had brought me soup last year when I was sick with mono. She was the one who had kept me company in the dark days after my parents split up. Maggie was my best friend too. But Rachel had always been that something more.

This girl was my rock…my heart. My everything. I had been such an idiot for so long. Why did I ever think Kylie could mean to me what she did? I realized now that these feelings had always been there. I had always known on some basic level, that Rachel was the girl for me. But I had allowed too many things to get in the way of that.

Not any longer.

She could tell me to go to hell. She could kick me in the balls and say that she hated me. But I wasn’t leaving. I would love her until she realized that together we were something great. Something perfect. Something forever.

I reached out and put my hand on her arm. She didn’t move away but she didn’t look at me either.

“Rach,” I said softly. She didn’t say anything, those horrible tears still making their silent trek down her face. “Please Rach. Look at me,” I begged her, my voice catching as my throat closed up on the well of emotion that threatened to drown me.