Cloud Walking (Find You in the Dark #1.5)(4)
Author: A. Meredith Walters

But what about me and my feelings? Lately, I had started to feel bitter and annoyed that that didn’t seem to matter. So instead of me shrugging it off, I looked at Daniel, my eyes burning holes through the top of his head.

“Oh really? Why is that?” I asked coldly, even though I already knew why. I wanted him to say it, damn him.

Daniel’s eyes flicked to mine then away again. I felt the guilt rolling off him and I knew he hated to upset me. That realization softened me a bit but then I thought about who he was letting me down for and then I got mad.

“Uh, well, Kylie and I were thinking of going to see that new wedding movie. You know, the one with that dude from Twilight,” Daniel muttered. I barked out a disingenuous laugh. Really? He was letting Kylie drag him to a rom-com with a guy from the Twilight movies? That seemed like a fate worse than death for him. But then, he deserved it for being such a wimp.

Daniel frowned. “What? It sounds kind of good,” he said defensively and I started laughing even harder. Maggie was looking at me as though I had gone certifiably crazy. I tried to calm myself down, snorting through my nose.

“You’re seriously ditching me and Jason Statham for a chick flick with one of the douches from the Twilight movies? Wow, I hope you have fun, Danny,” I told him, aware that my voice had become frosty. Even though I knew the blow off was coming, it still hurt. When would it stop hurting?

Daniel swung his legs around and stood up. “I’m not ditching you, Rach. I mean, if you want to come, you’re more than welcome to,” he offered and I wanted to smack him in the face. Now see, this is where I wish I had Maggie’s sarcastic comebacks. I wanted to tell him to shove his insincere invitation straight up his perfect ass. I wanted to tell him I’d rather walk over hot coals then go to a movie theater and watch him make out with his annoying girlfriend all night.

But my mind went blank. It always did at the worst times. So I just gave him a sad sort of grimace. “Uh, I’ll pass,” I replied, screwing the cap back onto the nail polish.

I heard Maggie’s exaggerated snort in the corner. “Seriously, Danny? You’re inviting Rachel along for a front row seat to Kylie’s tongue in your mouth? Are you a complete idiot?” she asked and I wanted to hug her. When I couldn’t find the right sort of quip, she had them for me. That is why I loved her.

Daniel’s shoulders were tense as he shoved his feet into his sneakers. “Shit, Mags. It wouldn’t be like that. I just feel bad…” His words tapered off and my stomach clenched.

He felt bad.

He was feeling guilty but that didn’t stop him from choosing her over me each and every time. When would I stop being second choice? Would I ever be number one to the person I cared most about in the world?

I was sick of feeling like an afterthought. My dad hadn’t thought twice about me when he chose to leave my mom and me when I was five. My sister, Kaitlyn’s dad had done the same. My mom spent more time working herself to death than being with her family. And Daniel was forever making everything and anyone more important than me.

Wow, if that wasn’t a depressing little stream of thought, I didn’t know what was.

Maggie got up and smacked Danny on the back of the head. “Hey, Mr. Jerk. Cut it out. She doesn’t need your pity invite. Go have fun with Kylie. Rachel and I will be doing our own thing. So no need to feel guilty,” Maggie said roughly and Daniel’s shoulders dropped. Maggie had a way of cutting to the chase in a way that left you feeling either horrible or strangely relieved. She had very little time for verbal games, so she chose not to play them.

Daniel ran a hand over his head and lifted his face to look at me. “Rach. It wasn’t a pity invite. I would really like you to come,” he said and his eyes were kind of sad. Whatever. He played the sad card too much and I wasn’t in the mood.

I waved my hand. “Really. You do your thing. We’ll just see you on Monday,” I said dismissively, wanting him to leave. Daniel read my thoughts clearly and knew that he was no longer wanted. Once upon a time, the three of us were inseparable. Now, it was as though we could barely be in the same room. My feelings for this boy were becoming almost unmanageable. They were messing with my heart, my head, and my life.

I needed to figure something out before it wrecked everything.

Daniel looked from Maggie to me and then grabbed his phone from the desk. “Okay then. Well, give me a call this weekend. Maybe we can grab lunch on Sunday,” he said hopefully. Maggie patted him on the arm.

“Sure, I’ll give you a holla,” she reassured him. I knew he hated weirdness between the three of us. And it wasn’t fair that Maggie was being pulled into the middle of whatever was brewing between Daniel and me.

They hugged and then Daniel turned to me. Normally he would hug me…but now it just didn’t feel right. I lifted my hand in a half sort of wave. “See ya,” I said nonchalantly. The skin between Daniel’s eyebrows furrowed but he made no move toward me.

He nodded in my direction and didn’t say anything. “Later, Mags,” he said and left her bedroom.

My entire body sagged. Maggie flopped down on her bed. “Okay, Rachel. This is getting ridiculous,” she remarked but I didn’t respond. We never really addressed my feelings for Daniel. She was aware of them but it wasn’t a normal conversation between the two of us. It was there, nothing else to say about it.

But now, even she couldn’t deny how strained things were becoming. But I didn’t want to talk about it, so I just shrugged my shoulders. “It’s fine. It’s always fine. Nothing will change,” I said. Though for once, I didn’t believe my words.

Chapter Four

~Rachel~

“Rachel, I need you to watch Kat tonight. I’m picking up an extra shift at the hospital. Rent’s due at the end of the month and we’re a little short,” my mom said, poking her head around the door to my bedroom.

I bit down on the groan that threatened to swim up from my throat. Instead, I gave my mother a pained smile. “Sure thing,” I replied with a nod. My mom smiled back, also a little painfully. I knew she felt bad for saddling me with parent duty so much. But we didn’t really have any other options.

“Thanks, sweetheart.” She sounded so tired and I noticed there were a few more wrinkles around her mouth and eyes than had been there before. My mom wasn’t old. She was only eighteen when she had me. But being stuck playing single mom to two kids before you’re forty will suck your will to live like no other.

“How’s school going?” she asked me. She still hadn’t walked into the room. I knew she had to leave for work, but was trying to do the good mom bit by acting interested in my life. But I knew, as well as she did, that she was too tired and too busy to put much effort into it. So the pretending was seriously unnecessary.