Darkest Before Dawn (Page 66)

Hancock stood still, stopping his pacing as he faced her, his hands in tight, clenched balls at his sides as he shook with uncontrolled rage. She sucked in her breath at the raw agony swamping unguardedly in his eyes, something he’d never allow—or want—anyone to see. But she saw it where perhaps no one else would. Where someone else would merely think he was dangerously angry.

“I don’t make many promises, Honor. And you shouldn’t even trust me to keep them if given. But one thing I vow before all else is that you will be remembered. Your sacrifice will not go unheralded. Your family will be told the truth. Every ugly part of it. Because you and they deserve that much. Your life will not be forgotten. And goddamn it, you matter. You matter.”

His gaze dropped and his fingers uncurled and curled in rhythmic motion she wasn’t sure he was even aware of. And when he looked back up at her, she inhaled sharply at all that she saw in that one unguarded moment.

“You matter to me,” he said hoarsely.

And then he stalked toward her bed, the predator that he was, but when he once more settled onto the bed, there was something fierce in his eyes that had nothing to do with the predator and everything to do with him, the man.

He framed her face in his hands and kissed her, pouring all of the tightly held emotion into that kiss. He devoured her mouth like a man starving. His tongue swept hotly over hers, leaving her breathless and aching.

He kissed her as if there were no tomorrow, as if this single moment were all they had, were all that mattered.

The kiss went on and on until she surrendered, relaxing against the strength and warmth of his muscled body. Then, surprising her, he pressed tiny kisses over the entire line of her lips, pausing at the corners, licking at them delicately with his tongue, and then he simply pressed his mouth to hers and left it there until they both had to gasp for air.

“You matter, Honor,” he whispered against her lips. “Never think you don’t. You matter to me,” he said, echoing the same words he’d uttered just moments earlier. “You matter too goddamn much.”

The anguish in his voice was nearly her undoing.

CHAPTER 22

HONOR awakened and the first person she saw hovering at her bedside was Hancock. She glanced accusingly at him, still shaken from the last moments before she’d succumbed to the effects of the medication.

Hancock sighed. “It was only pain medication, Honor. After we spoke, you were exhausted, not just physically but emotionally drained as well. Nothing would have kept you from drifting off. I gave you what you wanted. Answers.”

He’d given her a hell of a lot more than the answers to the questions she’d asked. Much more. And she hadn’t had time to sort through the tangle of emotions swamping her. She was confused, heart and mind completely at odds.

“Not all of them,” she murmured.

“The ones that mattered,” he said simply.

She pushed herself upward, testing the restraints that her injuries had placed on her body, satisfied she could do so without giving away the pain that swamped her.

“It was a very abbreviated version. One you might give in a debriefing. Not lying, but not giving the full truth either.”

He nodded, unsurprised by her perceptiveness. Not many people saw past the facade he always, always had in place, and yet she saw so much deeper, to the man behind the iron mask, and he didn’t like it one bit.

“I want it all,” she said in a low voice. “If this is to be my fate, what must be done, then I at least deserve . . . everything. And this time no one is coming near me with a needle.”

“And after?” Hancock challenged. “When you’re drooping with fatigue and have gone pale with the obvious pain you’re feeling even now, will you fight me then or will you allow me to give you this small thing—a few hours where you aren’t hurting and you aren’t remembering betrayal?”

She’d have to be blind not to see the flash of pain he couldn’t control. Not in front of her. He might as well be an open book where she was concerned. For fuck’s sake, she’d apologized to him. For being selfish. For not being strong. Didn’t she realize she had courage that most men couldn’t muster? Could never possess? Courage wasn’t something learned. It was born in fire, by hell itself. It was bravery in the absence of fear, or perhaps masking fear.

She was the most fucking fierce woman he’d ever met in his life, and he knew there’d never be another like her. He could search the world over and never meet any woman—or man to equal her.

“After,” she agreed, and he realized her steely resolve disguised just how much mental and physical pain she was even now enduring. “But first I want the whole truth. Not just the watered-down bare-bones truth you choose to give me. I want to know who this Maksimov is and why he’s such a threat. Why a man as ruthless as Bristow is afraid of him and why you’re so certain that he would just hand me over to ANE.”

Hancock rubbed a hand over his hair and to his nape, gripping it in obvious agitation. It was obvious he had no liking for her question. He didn’t even attempt to hide his revulsion, and that frightened the hell out of her, that he would react so violently. Yet, she also knew he would give her the answers she demanded. Was she prepared, truly prepared, for the unvarnished, ugly truth?

“Maksimov is a monster beyond your wildest imagination. He’s cunning and ruthless and has no conscience.” He visibly winced, shame entering his gaze as he stared at Honor. “Just like me.”

She shook her head before she even realized she was doing so, adamant, her eyes going flat, angry.