Find Me (The Found Duet #2)(49)
Author: Laurelin Paige

“The way that’s right for us,” I repeated. I liked that. It sounded so easy. But was it too easy?

And if it was, was there anything really wrong with that?

I didn’t have an answer. All I knew was I was still reluctant. I shook the excess water from my hands then crossed my arms. “We can’t simply pick up where we left off.”

“Why not?”

“Because we can’t.” I stomped off across the room, having no destination picked out, just needing to get some space.

“Why. Not?” he asked again, following after me.

Jesus, this was ridiculous. I couldn’t think of one good reason. There weren’t any. His points had made sense, and I’d liked them in theory. Get to know each other while we still had sex? Great idea. Stop worrying whether my affair with Chandler was an issue? Yes, please.

Yet there was still the urge to resist, the urge to refute. The urge to shut down. And the reason was embarrassing and not one I wanted to admit, but another part of me wanted to tell him everything.

With every ounce of courage I had, I spun to face him. “Because I’m scared. That’s why. I’m scared.” I flashed a tight smile that I couldn’t hold and rubbed my hands up and down my arms. “You broke my heart when you left, JC. It shook my world, and I’m so afraid that…” That he’d leave again. That he’d decide he couldn’t ever love me like he’d loved her.

I swiped at a tear as it rolled down my cheek. Great. Now I was crying. God, I was so lame.

JC stepped toward me, his arms out, but I stepped out of his reach.

He sighed, but he didn’t try again.

I stared at the floor and caught the next tear with my knuckle at my eye before it fell. “I’m sorry I’m such a coward. It’s not fair for me to hold your leaving against you. You didn’t have a choice.”

“You should hold it against me.”

My eyes flew up to his.

“I did have a choice, Gwen. I knew when I met you that if Ralphio ever got brought in that I might have to go under. I knew I wasn’t available, and that getting involved with you wasn’t the right thing to do. And I did it anyway.”

There it was, the source of his resentment. He hadn’t wanted to get involved, and yet he did. His life would probably have been a whole lot easier if he hadn’t met me.

But, damn, wasn’t I glad that he had?

This time when he stepped toward me, I didn’t move.

“I couldn’t stay away,” he said, wrapping me into his arms. “I couldn’t stop myself from loving you.”

“You tried though.” I nuzzled into his shoulder, feeling several times braver in his embrace.

He kissed the top of my hair. “And I hurt you then too.”

“We hurt each other.”

He leaned back so he could look me in the eyes. “But we don’t have to hurt each other anymore.” He cradled my face in his hands, his thumb wiping away a lingering tear. “‘I know you’re scared, I can feel it. It’s in the air, I know you feel it too. But take a chance on me, you won’t regret it.’”

He was quoting the opening lines to the song he’d introduced me to. A Maroon 5 song called “My Heart is Open.” He’d said it made him think of us. I’d played it over and over so many times in the past year, wishing he was there to tell me the words again.

And now he was.

“My heart is open, Gwen. Whatever else has happened, whatever other things are standing between us, my heart is open.”

I reached my hand up to run it through his hair. “I don’t want to lose you again.”

“You never did.” He bent to kiss me with long languid strokes of his tongue. Then he pulled me in tighter, clutching me to him as he buried his face in my hair. “I should have begged. On my knees.” He said it so quietly that I was surprised I heard it.

I was also surprised he’d said it. Surprised that he still had thoughts about asking me to marry him when he’d only proposed so I could go with him into protection.

Though, I still thought about it. So why shouldn’t he?

As long as we were being honest…“If you had,” I admitted. “I would have said yes.”

He pulled back again, his hands on my upper arms. “Say yes to me now.” He paused and my pulse started racing. He couldn’t be asking again, could he? But then he said, “Tell me your heart is open.”

I was almost disappointed it wasn’t a real proposal. But this I could answer without having a complete panic attack. “Yes. My heart is open.”

Chapter Twelve

It was nearly eight before we went to bed. When I woke up later, I’d moved out of JC’s embrace, but I could still feel his presence next to me before I opened my eyes.