Long Time Gone (Rough Riders #16.5)(16)
Author: Lorelei James

Carson sighed. “Thanks for confirming what I already knew.”

“Just needed to hear it from someone else?”

“Yeah.” Carson stared into his coffee cup. “Caro asked me this morning how I got through Mom dyin’. I felt like a total shit because I didn’t wanna tell her I don’t remember much of that time, just the shock that she was gone. And the anger when Dad turned into a raging asshole because she’d died. And I sure as fuck can’t tell her that I was mad at him because I didn’t think he missed her—he just missed havin’ a wife to cook for him and make his life easier.”

Cal bit his tongue against asking whether Carson had said that shit to their grieving father. His twin had the subtlety of a jackhammer and zero tact. Carson ruffled feathers and left it up to Cal to smooth them.

“Dad learned to manage without Mom. Eli has been managing without Clara for long enough that caring for her father shouldn’t fall on Caro’s shoulders.” Carson clenched his fist. “Goddammit, I won’t let it. She’s done more for her family than should be expected.”

“That’s what’s bugging you. You’re afraid you’ll get thrown over for Eli West.”

“The son of a bitch did it once, didn’t he? Made Caro promise to look after her mother, while she was fuckin’ dyin’ and then made her also promise not tell anyone about it—including me, which caused problems between us.”

“Whoa.” Cal looked at his brother. “Run that by me one more time?”

“All that shit that went down after me’n Caro married? When I thought she regretted marryin’ me ’cause she was at her folks’ house all the time? That was because Clara was dyin’. She and Eli didn’t want anyone to know. So my new bride was expected to keep the secret.”

“Jesus, Carse. They didn’t tell anyone?” Like Kimi? How mad would she be when she found out her sister and father had kept such a life-altering event from her?

“Harland knew since he and Eli are thick as thieves. Then after Clara went into the nursing home last month—”

“Did Carolyn keep that from her sister and brothers too?”

“About Clara bein’ in a home? I’m not sure.”

“Bullshit.”

Carson’s gaze turned shrewd. “Why’re you getting pissed off?”

“Because Kimi and her brothers had a right to know about Clara’s failing health. They would’ve had a chance to say goodbye.”

“So what’s worse, Cal? Carolyn tellin’ her siblings their mother is damn near dead and none of them bothering to show up? Or Carolyn not tellin’ them at all?”

“I don’t fuckin’ know, all right? I just understand how I’d feel if you made that big of a life or death decision without tellin’ me nothin’.”

Carson stood. “I get that. It’s a fucked-up mess that’s liable to get worse in the next few days. Hate to say it, but I won’t be around much.”

“I’ll tell Dad what’s goin’ on.”

“Thanks.”

At the door, Cal said, “When you see Kimi, tell her if she needs anything I’m a phone call away.”

That caught Carson’s notice, as he’d known it would. “Something goin’ on between you and Kimi I oughta know about?”

“We’re friends. We spent some time together after your wedding.” He wasn’t about to try and explain the immediate pull between him and the blonde spitfire either, when he didn’t understand it himself.

“You keep in touch with her the past year?”

Cal shook his head. He thought he’d see Kimi over Christmas break like they’d talked about last summer, but he knew from Carolyn that Kimi hadn’t come home.

“I’ll pass it along to her.”

“Take care. You need anything else, holler.”

“Will do.”

***

Kimi stared at her mother’s coffin as the priest droned on.

She sat at the far end of the pew in the second row between her brother Thomas and her Aunt Hulda. Her married siblings were in the front pew. Harland had parked himself right next to Dad.

She’d barely spoken to any of her siblings since she’d returned to Gillette three days ago. They’d had to postpone the funeral two additional days to allow time for Stuart and Thomas to travel back home.

Within an hour of arriving in Gillette, she’d been knee deep in boxes as she packed the few remaining items from her childhood. Her aunt agreed to store them indefinitely. Kimi hadn’t offered to help sort her mother’s things; she’d left that to Carolyn and her aunt. Most everything except for a few pieces of jewelry would be donated to the Catholic mission anyway. So as the two of them pawed through the few things that marked her mother’s existence, Kimi had hid in the tall grass behind the shed and smoked. She’d rather get eaten alive by mosquitos and pick ticks off her skin than be in the same room with them, consumed by anger that the two people she loved more than anything in the world had betrayed her.