Love Me (Page 36)

Without thinking, Luke reached up to touch his face. He couldn't feel any wetness through the latex of his glove. And yet, he knew Robert was right about his tears.

Because no matter how hard he tried to push his emotions into the appropriate box, it just wasn't possible. Not this time.

Not with Janica up on the operating table.

"Do you know her?"

"She's the woman I love."

It was as easy as that.

They all watched him carefully, the operating room nurses, the doctor he'd worked with and socialized with for so many years. No one said anything. No one made the suggestion that he should step away. No one told him he wasn't equipped to do this job right now. No one tried to make him see that Janica would be better off in somebody else's hands.

Thank god, this time they didn't need to say it.

Walking away from the operating room with Janica on the table bleeding and hurting, trusting someone else to heal her and make her whole, was going to be the hardest thing he ever did.

But he had to do it.

For her.

“Please,” he began, but Robert just shook his head, letting him know he didn't have to say anything more.

“We'll take good care of her, Luke. Don't you worry for even one second about that. You're going to have a long life with her. I promise you that.”

Luke's feet felt like lead as he left the operating room. He couldn't go to the waiting room. But his legs wouldn't hold him either. Slowly, he slipped down against the wall until he was sitting on the floor. His head was in his hands and his heart, well, his heart was barely beating.

As the minutes slowly ticked down, he could feel himself alternating between numb and scared.

Scared shitless.

But although he had been crying in the operating room, he wasn't crying now. He didn't even have the relief of tears.

If anything happened to her, anything more than the crash, if something went wrong on the operating table, Luke knew he'd never feel anything again.

He simply couldn't live without her.

Somewhere in the back of his brain he knew he should call Lily, that she needed to know her sister was in the hospital, but he couldn't do it. Not until he knew more.

And all the while, the urge to bust into the OR and take over was so strong it took every ounce of control he possessed not to storm back in there and yank the instruments out of Robert's hands.

"Luke? What are you doing here? On the floor?"

He lifted his head, as heavy as a bowling bowl, and saw Dr. Jones, the woman who'd sent him off on leave, standing in front of him.

"Waiting."

He was surprised when she joined him on the floor. "Waiting for who?"

"Janica."

The psychiatrist’s voice was gentler than he'd ever heard it. "I don't know what the situation is here, but you've got to know that she's going to be okay, Luke. Every doctor in the hospital is the best at what he or she does.” When he didn't say anything, just let his head fall back to his knees, she squeezed his hand and said, “Let me know if you need anything. I'll be in my office.”

Intellectually, Luke knew she was right. His colleagues were the best in the business. But deep inside, he wouldn't believe it until he heard Janica laugh again.

He wouldn't believe it until he saw her dance again.

He wouldn't believe it until he saw her twirl Violet and Sam, dressed in pink lace, around in Lily and Travis's living room.

Then, and only then, would he believe it.

And he'd never stop telling her he loved her.

He'd never stop trying to get her to see that she could love him back without fear. Because he'd never be so stupid again.

After what felt like hours, the operating room door opened. His colleagues walked out and were clearly surprised to find him on the floor.

For nearly two decades people in the waiting room had tried to read his face, post-operation. Now, he was the one looking for clues. For anything that would tell him if she was going to be all right. Or if she had—

"How is she?" The words came out harsh. Raw.

"She's young and healthy and things couldn't have gone better,” Robert said with a reassuring smile.

They were the same words Luke had said to strangers a thousand times before, but this time, each one was his own nugget of gold. Relief hit him so hard that if he hadn't already been on the floor, that's exactly where he would've ended up.

"Thank you."

Those two whispered words held every ounce of his gratitude.

"Just like I told you,” Robert said softly, “we wouldn't have let anything happen to her, Luke."

With Robert's help, Luke got up off the floor and followed Janica into the recovery room. Doctors didn't stay with patients, obviously. And usually, loved ones didn't either immediately post-surgery. Luke had never broken protocol like this before.

But nothing would stop him from breaking the rules this time.

He was not going to leave her side. And as he watched her sleep, needles in her arm, bandages on her head, her vital signs moving across the digital screen above her bed, he heard her voice in his head from that night out on the beach in front of the bonfire.

I knew I’d regret it forever if I didn't go for what I wanted.

She'd been so right.

And that was when another bomb hit him: He already knew he loved her.

But he hadn't realized until this very moment that she was his entire soul.

Chapter Twenty-four

Janica felt like crap.

Hangovers like this always made her want to roll over and go right back to sleep. Unfortunately, she knew from painful experience that she'd only end up feeling worse when she woke up again in a few hours unless she made herself get out of bed and take a couple of aspirin.

But when she tried to shift beneath the sheets, excruciating pain knocked the breath out of her.

"Don't move, sweetheart."

She immediately recognized Luke's voice. She would know it anywhere. Warm and sexy as hell. She tried to open her eyes, but they felt like she'd been walking through a sandstorm.