Mini Shopaholic (Page 21)
- Page 1
- Page 1
- Page 2
- Page 2
- Page 3
- Page 3
- Page 4
- Page 4
- Page 5
- Page 5
- Page 6
- Page 6
- Page 7
- Page 7
- Page 8
- Page 8
- Page 9
- Page 9
- Page 10
- Page 10
- Page 11
- Page 11
- Page 12
- Page 12
- Page 13
- Page 13
- Page 14
- Page 14
- Page 15
- Page 15
- Page 16
- Page 16
- Page 17
- Page 17
- Page 18
- Page 18
- Page 19
- Page 19
- Page 20
- Page 20
- Page 21
- Page 21
- Page 22
- Page 22
- Page 23
- Page 23
- Page 24
- Page 24
- Page 25
- Page 25
- Page 26
- Page 26
- Page 27
- Page 27
- Page 28
- Page 28
- Page 29
- Page 29
- Page 30
- Page 30
- Page 31
- Page 31
- Page 32
- Page 32
- Page 33
- Page 33
- Page 34
- Page 34
- Page 35
- Page 35
- Page 36
- Page 36
- Page 37
- Page 37
- Page 38
- Page 38
- Page 39
- Page 39
- Page 40
- Page 40
- Page 41
- Page 41
- Page 42
- Page 42
- Page 43
- Page 43
- Page 44
- Page 44
- Page 45
- Page 45
- Page 46
- Page 46
- Page 47
- Page 47
- Page 48
- Page 48
- Page 49
- Page 49
- Page 50
- Page 50
- Page 51
- Page 51
- Page 52
- Page 52
- Page 53
- Page 53
- Page 54
- Page 54
- Page 55
- Page 55
- Page 56
- Page 56
- Page 57
- Page 57
- Page 58
- Page 58
- Page 59
- Page 59
- Page 60
- Page 60
- Page 61
- Page 61
- Page 62
- Page 62
- Page 63
- Page 63
- Page 64
- Page 64
- Page 65
- Page 65
- Page 66
- Page 66
- Page 67
- Page 67
- Page 68
- Page 68
- Page 69
- Page 69
- Page 70
- Page 70
- Page 71
- Page 71
- Page 72
- Page 72
- Page 73
- Page 73
- Page 74
- Page 74
- Page 75
- Page 75
- Page 76
- Page 76
- Page 77
- Page 77
- Page 78
- Page 78
- Page 79
- Page 79
- Page 80
- Page 80
- Page 81
- Page 81
- Page 82
- Page 82
- Page 83
- Page 83
- Page 84
- Page 84
- Page 85
- Page 85
- Page 86
- Page 86
- Page 87
- Page 87
- Page 88
- Page 88
- Page 89
- Page 89
- Page 90
- Page 90
- Page 91
- Page 91
- Page 92
- Page 92
- Page 93
- Page 93
- Page 94
- Page 94
- Page 95
- Page 95
- Page 96
- Page 96
- Page 97
- Page 97
- Page 98
- Page 98
- Page 99
- Page 99
- Page 100
- Page 100
- Page 101
- Page 101
- Page 102
- Page 102
- Page 103
- Page 103
- Page 104
- Page 104
- Page 105
- Page 105
- Page 106
- Page 106
- Page 107
- Page 107
- Page 108
- Page 108
- Page 109
- Page 109
- Page 110
- Page 110
- Page 111
- Page 111
- Page 112
- Page 112
- Page 113
- Page 113
- Page 114
- Page 114
- Page 115
- Page 115
- Page 116
- Page 116
- Page 117
- Page 117
- Page 118
- Page 118
- Page 119
- Page 119
- Page 120
- Page 120
- Page 121
- Page 121
- Page 122
- Page 122
- Page 123
- Page 123
- Page 124
- Page 124
- Page 125
- Page 125
- Page 126
- Page 126
- Page 127
- Page 127
- Page 128
- Page 128
- Page 129
- Page 129
- Page 130
- Page 130
- Page 131
- Page 131
- Page 132
- Page 132
- Page 133
- Page 133
- Page 134
- Page 134
- Page 135
- Page 135
- Page 136
- Page 136
- Page 137
- Page 137
- Page 138
- Page 138
- Page 139
- Page 139
- Page 140
- Page 140
- Page 141
- Page 141
- Page 142
- Page 142
- Page 143
- Page 143
- Page 144
- Page 144
- Page 145
- Page 145
- Page 146
- Page 146
- Page 147
- Page 147
- Page 148
- Page 148
- Page 149
- Page 149
- Page 150
- Page 150
- Page 151
- Page 151
- Page 152
- Page 152
- Page 153
- Page 153
- Page 154
- Page 154
Mini Shopaholic (Shopaholic #6)(21)
Author: Sophie Kinsella
Tom has disappeared and Jess is bending over her rucksack, oblivious of us. Mum starts mouthing something long and elaborate above her head. She repeats it several times, looking frustrated that we can’t understand. Then she starts gesturing, and I get a fit of the giggles.
‘Come into the sitting room!’ I manage to say to Jess. ‘Sit down. You must be exhausted.’
‘I’ll make some tea,’ Mum nods.
Trust Jess to get engaged all discreetly and not say a word. If it were me I’d have run straight in saying ‘Guess what? Look at my pebble ring!’
‘Jess!’ Janice’s high-pitched voice greets us as she arrives at the front door. Her hair is freshly dyed a virulent auburn, and she’s wearing mauve eyeshadow which matches her shoes and her bracelet. ‘Love! Welcome back!’
Her gaze falls instantly on Jess’s ring. Instantly. Her chin jerks up, and she inhales sharply, then catches Mum’s eye.
I’m going to erupt with laughter if I don’t get away. I follow Mum into the kitchen, where the children are all sitting in front of The Little Mermaid. We make the tea and cut the children some ham sandwiches, all the time whispering about the ring and when Jess and Tom are going to tell everyone.
‘We must all act naturally,’ Mum says, putting two bottles of champagne in the freezer to cool down quickly. ‘Pretend we haven’t noticed. Let them tell us in their own time.’
Yeah right. As we enter the sitting room, Jess is on the sofa, apparently unaware of Janice, Martin, Dad and Suze sitting in a semi-circle opposite, all staring at her left hand as though it’s glowing radioactive. As I sit down I glance out of the window and see Tarquin with Ernie in the garden. Tarkie’s making weird lunging gestures with his arms, which Ernie is copying beside him. I nudge Suze and say in an undertone, ‘I didn’t know Tarkie did t’ai chi! He’s really good!’
Suze swivels round and peers out of the window. ‘That’s not t’ai chi! They’re practising fly-fishing.’
Both Tarkie and Ernie look totally absorbed – in fact, they make a really sweet sight, like a father bear teaching its baby cub to hunt on a TV nature documentary. (Except for the tiny fact that they’re trying to catch imaginary fish. With nonexistent rods.)
‘You know, Ernie’s already caught a trout in our river!’ says Suze proudly. ‘With only a teeny bit of help.’
You see. I knew he was talented. He’s obviously at the wrong school. He should be at fish-catching school.
‘So!’ says Mum brightly. ‘Tea, Jess?’
‘Yes, thanks.’ Jess nods. We pour out tea and there’s a little pause. A little ‘Does anyone have any announcements to make?’ kind of pause. But Tom and Jess say nothing.
Janice puts her cup to her lips, then puts it down again, then breathes out shakily as though she can’t bear the tension. Then her face lights up.
‘Your present! Jess, I made you a little something …’ She practically gallops to the tree, picks up a parcel, and starts ripping off the wrapping paper herself. ‘Home-made honey hand cream,’ she says breathlessly. ‘I told you I’ve started making cosmetics, all natural ingredients … Put some on!’
Janice thrusts the hand cream at Jess. We all watch, mesmerized, as Jess takes the ring off, applies hand cream, then puts the ring back on, without saying a word.
Nice try, Janice, I feel like saying. Good effort.
‘It’s great.’ Jess sniffs her hand. ‘Thanks, Janice. Good for you, making your own.’
‘We’ve all got you eco things, love,’ says Mum fondly. ‘We know how you are, with your chlorine dyes and your natural fibres. It’s been quite an education for us, hasn’t it, Becky?’
‘Well, I’m glad.’ Jess takes a sip of tea. ‘It’s amazing how Western consumers are still so misguided.’
‘I know.’ I shake my head pityingly. ‘They have no idea.’
‘They’ll fall for anything with the word “green” in it.’ Jess shakes her head. ‘There’s apparently some vile, irresponsible company that sells yoga mats made of toxic computer parts. Trying to peddle them as “recycled”. Guatemalan kids are getting asthma, making them.’ She bangs the sofa with her hand. ‘How can anyone be stupid enough to think that’s a good idea?’
‘God, yes.’ I swallow hard, my face hot, not daring to look at Mum. ‘What total utter morons they must be. Actually, I’ll just tidy up the presents a bit …’
Trying to look casual, I head towards the Christmas tree and shove the Guatemalan yoga mat behind the curtains with my foot. That’s the last time I’ll believe that so-called bloody ‘green’ catalogue. They said they were helping people, not giving them asthma! And what am I going to give Jess now?
- Page 1
- Page 1
- Page 2
- Page 2
- Page 3
- Page 3
- Page 4
- Page 4
- Page 5
- Page 5
- Page 6
- Page 6
- Page 7
- Page 7
- Page 8
- Page 8
- Page 9
- Page 9
- Page 10
- Page 10
- Page 11
- Page 11
- Page 12
- Page 12
- Page 13
- Page 13
- Page 14
- Page 14
- Page 15
- Page 15
- Page 16
- Page 16
- Page 17
- Page 17
- Page 18
- Page 18
- Page 19
- Page 19
- Page 20
- Page 20
- Page 21
- Page 21
- Page 22
- Page 22
- Page 23
- Page 23
- Page 24
- Page 24
- Page 25
- Page 25
- Page 26
- Page 26
- Page 27
- Page 27
- Page 28
- Page 28
- Page 29
- Page 29
- Page 30
- Page 30
- Page 31
- Page 31
- Page 32
- Page 32
- Page 33
- Page 33
- Page 34
- Page 34
- Page 35
- Page 35
- Page 36
- Page 36
- Page 37
- Page 37
- Page 38
- Page 38
- Page 39
- Page 39
- Page 40
- Page 40
- Page 41
- Page 41
- Page 42
- Page 42
- Page 43
- Page 43
- Page 44
- Page 44
- Page 45
- Page 45
- Page 46
- Page 46
- Page 47
- Page 47
- Page 48
- Page 48
- Page 49
- Page 49
- Page 50
- Page 50
- Page 51
- Page 51
- Page 52
- Page 52
- Page 53
- Page 53
- Page 54
- Page 54
- Page 55
- Page 55
- Page 56
- Page 56
- Page 57
- Page 57
- Page 58
- Page 58
- Page 59
- Page 59
- Page 60
- Page 60
- Page 61
- Page 61
- Page 62
- Page 62
- Page 63
- Page 63
- Page 64
- Page 64
- Page 65
- Page 65
- Page 66
- Page 66
- Page 67
- Page 67
- Page 68
- Page 68
- Page 69
- Page 69
- Page 70
- Page 70
- Page 71
- Page 71
- Page 72
- Page 72
- Page 73
- Page 73
- Page 74
- Page 74
- Page 75
- Page 75
- Page 76
- Page 76
- Page 77
- Page 77
- Page 78
- Page 78
- Page 79
- Page 79
- Page 80
- Page 80
- Page 81
- Page 81
- Page 82
- Page 82
- Page 83
- Page 83
- Page 84
- Page 84
- Page 85
- Page 85
- Page 86
- Page 86
- Page 87
- Page 87
- Page 88
- Page 88
- Page 89
- Page 89
- Page 90
- Page 90
- Page 91
- Page 91
- Page 92
- Page 92
- Page 93
- Page 93
- Page 94
- Page 94
- Page 95
- Page 95
- Page 96
- Page 96
- Page 97
- Page 97
- Page 98
- Page 98
- Page 99
- Page 99
- Page 100
- Page 100
- Page 101
- Page 101
- Page 102
- Page 102
- Page 103
- Page 103
- Page 104
- Page 104
- Page 105
- Page 105
- Page 106
- Page 106
- Page 107
- Page 107
- Page 108
- Page 108
- Page 109
- Page 109
- Page 110
- Page 110
- Page 111
- Page 111
- Page 112
- Page 112
- Page 113
- Page 113
- Page 114
- Page 114
- Page 115
- Page 115
- Page 116
- Page 116
- Page 117
- Page 117
- Page 118
- Page 118
- Page 119
- Page 119
- Page 120
- Page 120
- Page 121
- Page 121
- Page 122
- Page 122
- Page 123
- Page 123
- Page 124
- Page 124
- Page 125
- Page 125
- Page 126
- Page 126
- Page 127
- Page 127
- Page 128
- Page 128
- Page 129
- Page 129
- Page 130
- Page 130
- Page 131
- Page 131
- Page 132
- Page 132
- Page 133
- Page 133
- Page 134
- Page 134
- Page 135
- Page 135
- Page 136
- Page 136
- Page 137
- Page 137
- Page 138
- Page 138
- Page 139
- Page 139
- Page 140
- Page 140
- Page 141
- Page 141
- Page 142
- Page 142
- Page 143
- Page 143
- Page 144
- Page 144
- Page 145
- Page 145
- Page 146
- Page 146
- Page 147
- Page 147
- Page 148
- Page 148
- Page 149
- Page 149
- Page 150
- Page 150
- Page 151
- Page 151
- Page 152
- Page 152
- Page 153
- Page 153
- Page 154
- Page 154