Out of Mind (Out of Line #3)(40)
Author: Jen McLaughlin

She pushed her glasses up on her nose, her green eyes on me. “If she rejected you, would the pain send you spiraling again? Would you want to hurt yourself? Drink a few bottles of beer? Pop a few pills? Buy a rope?”

“No. I don’t know. I don’t think so.” I scrubbed my face with my hands. “I love her. That’s all I f**king know. Every day I spend away from her is a day I’m in hell.”

“Sometimes loving someone is letting them go,” she said softly, her eyes still on me. “I can’t tell you whether you’re better for her than this Riley guy is. No one can, except for her. Maybe you should talk to her. Test it out. Let her decide this time, since you decided for her last time.”

My heart twisted at the thought of going up to her. Actually saying hello. Seeing if she hated me. Oh, f**k. What if she looked at me with hatred shining in those pretty blue eyes I loved so much? What then? “She could despise me,” I rasped. “What if she can’t even look at me without wanting to punch me?”

“Then that’s a cross you’ll have to bear,” she said, taking her glasses off. “The question is, do you want to know for sure, or do you want to spend your whole life wondering what would have happened if only you’d said hello?”

I swallowed. “I don’t know. Can’t you just tell me what’s better? Fix it?”

“I’m sorry, but I can’t do that,” she said, smiling a sad smile at me. “This one’s up to you.”

I stood and dragged a hand through my hair. “Fine. I’ll think about it.”

“I look forward to hearing which option you chose on Tuesday.” She also stood up, smoothing her black skirt. “But Griffin?”

“Yeah?”

“Don’t jump blindly into either choice. If you do see her, make sure you take things slow. You have to remember: She thinks you don’t love her. You broke her heart into pieces, no matter how honorable your intentions might have been. These things take time to heal. Even if she rejects your offer of friendship at first, try to be patient. She might come around.” She pointed her pen at me. “And that’s all you should offer in the beginning. Friendship. Another chance to get things right. No rushing into anything in a single day.”

I nodded. “Thanks, Doc.”

“Good luck.”

I left the office, paid my copay, and stepped out into the sunlight. Squinting into the brightness, I headed for my bike. It had taken a while for my arm to heal, but now I could act like myself again. I rode my bike. I hung with Hernandez. But…

I didn’t have a job. Didn’t have a plan. Didn’t have Carrie.

I scanned the crowd on Ocean Drive, looking for a redhead out of habit more than anything. I knew she was around her somewhere, eating breakfast with Riley. The desire to find out where she was hit me pretty strong, but I shook it off. If and when I saw her again, it wouldn’t be with Riley watching. We would be alone.

Maybe I’d buy her some flowers.

I revved the engine, looking over my shoulder at the spot where Carrie used to sit. There hadn’t been another woman in my life since her. Even at rock bottom, I couldn’t let myself fall even lower. Carrie owned my heart, and no other woman would do.

It had to be her, damn it.

“Hey, how did it go?” Hernandez shouted in my ear from behind me.

Jumping, I looked over my shoulder, shut off the engine, and frowned at him. “Aren’t you supposed to be guarding Carrie?”

“I am. She’s in that restaurant.” He pointed over his shoulder at a restaurant that was about three hundred feet away. “With Riley the Perfect.”

I picked up my helmet. “Shit, man. I gotta go before she sees me.”

“So you’re not allowed to approach her yet?”

“It’s not that.” I gripped my helmet tight. “I don’t know what I’m doing yet, but I’m not making rash decisions this time.”

Hernandez grinned. “That sounds like a therapist talking.”

“It was her advice.” I lifted a shoulder. “It seemed like it made sense, so I’m gonna take it. And while I might say hi to her at some point, it won’t be while she’s on a date with another guy.”

Hernandez nodded. “She almost saw you last night, when she kissed Riley and you knocked over that damn pot with your elbow.”

I flinched. “Yeah. I wasn’t watching where I was going.”

I’d been too busy watching her kiss Riley.

“I noticed,” Hernandez said dryly.

The restaurant door opened, making a bell jingle. Both Hernandez and I turned slowly. I knew it was going to be her. Just knew it. She walked out, holding Riley’s hand and laughing, and a fist punched in my chest. Riley’s eyes latched with mine, but Carrie didn’t look this way.

I knew the second he realized it was me. He paled and went all tense.

I slammed my helmet over my head and started my engine, watching as Hernandez headed her way without another word to me. She still didn’t see me, so I revved the bike and took off. As I passed her, I saw her turn my way with wide eyes, her mouth parted. She spun as I passed, following me with her eyes. I drove faster.

If I didn’t get away now, I’d go back.

And I’d beg her to love me again, Riley be damned.

Chapter Nineteen – Carrie

I walked Riley to his car with my mind a million miles away on the motorcyclist that I was ninety-nine percent sure had been Finn. I hadn’t seen his face or anything, but there was no doubt in my mind that I’d seen Finn today.

Same type of bike. Same type of build. Same helmet.

“You’re thinking about that guy on the bike, aren’t you?” Riley asked, his voice level. “I saw him, you know. Before he put the helmet on.”

I stopped walking. “Wait. What?”

“I know you’re not mentioning it because you don’t want to hurt my feelings, but you’re dying to know if it was Finn.” He met my eyes. He looked so handsome in the sunlight. So tall and perfect. It almost made me sick to my stomach just looking up at him. “I can tell you, if you want.”

I sucked in a shaky breath. “I’m sorry. I know you want—”

“Sh.” He hugged me close, resting his cheek on the top of my head. It was intimate and yet withdrawn at the same time. “We both know what I want, but it doesn’t mean you have to give it to me. If you still have feelings for him…”