Perfect Regret (Bad Rep #2)(56)
Author: A. Meredith Walters

I had realized while I sat at that horrible reading that the person I was striving so hard to be again, wasn’t someone I necessarily liked. I knew I could be rude. I knew I could be overly obsessive when it came to following through on things. But damn it, I never thought I was outright cruel.

But I knew that was exactly what I had been one too many times before. How often had I cut someone down without a second thought? Poor Maysie had been on the receiving in of my vicious tongue more times than I could count and I considered her my best friend! What was wrong with me? I used sarcasm like a shield. Because god forbid anyone see that I was vulnerable under all this bitch.

And how I had behaved toward Garrett was perhaps my worst crime. In that moment, I needed to make it right. I needed to tell him I was sorry. We had been down this road before, when he came with me to Maryland. I had apologized, he had accepted, we had come to a place that felt fresh and right.

And what had I done? Gone and shit all over him again.

I knew to expect him to forgive me was perhaps reaching too high. I was pretty sure that ship had sailed. I knew he and Gracie were spending time together and I had already stomped over enough hearts to get in the way of whatever was developing between them.

But I needed him to know that I realized I sucked and that I was truly sorry.

Because I’d rather he be a guitarist without a plan than a jerk with his life laid out ahead of them.

I broke several traffic laws in getting to Barton’s. The place was packed so I had to park on the street. Walking into the bar, I knew that I stuck out like a sore thumb. My going out gear consisted of patchwork jeans and peasant top, paired with my Doc Martins. I had missed the dress like a hoochie memo.

I strained up on my tiptoes, trying to find Maysie’s dark head in the melee. Finally, I spotted her over by the bar. She was sat with Vivian and Gracie and for a second I considered turning around and hightailing it out of there. But then I glanced at the stage and at the boy who played his guitar as though possessed and I felt the steel in my spine.

Pushing through the craziness, my ears were already ringing from the music. Cole’s screaming vocals were always grating, but tonight, when I felt more than a little raw, they threatened to undo me.

But over it all I could make out Garrett’s guitar and that somehow made it all better.

“Hiya, ladies,” I yelled, once I had reached them. Maysie turned around and gave me a big smile.

“You made it!” she squealed, hugging me. She looked behind me. “And without the ass stain, I see,” she commented, making a face.

“Nice one,” Gracie piped up, giving me an almost genuine grin. “Hey, Ri!” she said, teetering on her stool and I realized why she seemed so relaxed with me. She was three sheets to the wind.

“Hey, G. Feeling good, I see,” I remarked dryly, knowing she wouldn’t pick up on the sarcasm. Gracie tipped her drink in my direction, dumping half of it on the floor in the process.

“You know it!” she hollered. Maysie grimaced and gave me a knowing look. Vivian was decked to the nines and gave me a preoccupied wave as she focused on the front of the stage and no doubt the hordes of barely clothed women jiggling their goods for the charismatic lead singer.

“How long have they been playing?” I asked, wanting to get my reason for being there over with. I had been so full of resolve on my drive, now I had an icky case of the dreads. I wasn’t one to lack in confidence, but when you’re in the wrong, it did a number on your nerves.

Maysie looked at the clock before turning back to me. “I don’t know, around forty-five minutes or so. They should be having a break in the next fifteen,” she informed me, pulling up a barstool so I could sit down.

My best friend leaned into me, knocking my shoulder with hers. “Seriously though, where’s Damien? I thought you two were hanging out tonight,” Maysie asked.

“I realized I had better things to do,” was all I said and Maysie snickered.

“Told you so,” she said with a smirk.

“Oh girl, you’re asking for a slap. Don’t you dare play the I Told You So card with me. Or we can start reaching into Maysie Ardin’s bag of mistakes for a good time,” I threatened good-naturedly. Maysie stuck her tongue out at me and I laughed over my nerves.

Now that I was here, I was seriously questioning my sanity. Why in the world was I opening a can of worms I had successfully closed shut? But the look on Garrett’s face each and every time I rejected him was flashing across my brain like a neon sign.

Why had it taken a bunch of uptight jerk wads to make me realize how unfair I was being toward him? I hated how capable I was of tearing someone down. Me, the queen of the fair chance. The crusader of the lost cause could also be voted most likely to be an insensitive asshat.

I needed to say my piece and even if Garrett rightly told me to get lost, I would know that I had attempted to make things right.

I looked over at Gracie, the girl who I had considered a good friend, and knew that I needed to make peace with more than just Garrett. I hated the rift between us and wanted to get things back to the way they were. Even if some subconscious part of me knew that there was more to the freeze out than me having a party in Garrett’s pants.

“Woohoo!” Gracie yelled drunkenly once the guys had concluded the song. Maysie’s eyebrows pinched together and she gave me a concerned look. I hooked my arm around Gracie’s waist and held her up so she wouldn’t topple off the barstool.

She pushed me back and gave me a nasty look. “I don’t need your help, Riley,” she muttered and I stood there stunned. Somewhere along the way, Gracie Cook had lost her ditzy, I-love-everybody- demeanor.

“Sorry. I was just trying to help,” I said but Gracie waved me off. She seemed to pull herself together a bit and gave me a forced smile.

“I’m fine. But thanks,” she then turned her back to me and waved Lyla, the bartender down for another drink.

Maysie put her hand over Gracie’s. “I think you’ve had enough for one night, G,” she said softly. Gracie frowned and looked between Maysie and me.

“I think I’ll be the judge of that,” she replied, pulling her hand out from underneath Maysie’s. “Lyla!” she yelled, making everyone within a ten-foot radius turn to look at her.

Maysie and I both crowded in behind her as though to contain the embarrassment factor. “Where did Viv go?” I asked under my breath.

Maysie’s eyes cut to me sideways. “I have no idea,” she hissed back, trying to communicate with Lyla, using a complicated mixture of facial expressions and hand gestures, to stop serving an over the limit Gracie.