Perfect Regret (Bad Rep #2)(58)
Author: A. Meredith Walters

Pushing through the swinging doors into the kitchen, I was hit with a face full of water. Looking down at my drenched white shirt I felt my fingers curve into claws and I was ready to do some serious damage.

“I told you I’d see those tits one day!” Paco hollered from his station at the dishwasher. This time I snarled. I didn’t hold back the feral feline ready to come out.

“You. Are. Dead!” I yelled, before trying to run over and stick my foot down his throat.

“Woah, just chill, Riley. I have to get back on stage in ten minutes. So save the murder and mayhem for later, please,” Garrett said, stopping me from wiping the floor with the pervy dishwasher.

I pointed at Paco, who wasn’t laughing anymore and had a satisfying look of fear on his fleshy face. “You, later. Don’t go anywhere,” I threatened, before stomping toward the back doors leading to the smoking area.

I was thankful it was dark out but instantly regretted not grabbing my jacket, particularly since it was freezing and I was now in a wet shirt. Stupid jerks. I shivered but refused to be waylaid by my impending hypothermia.

“Maybe we should head inside. Your lips are turning blue,” Garrett commented, eyeing me warily.

“No, just let me say something first,” I insisted. Garrett shrugged as if to say, “It’s your appendages.”

“I’ve been an ass,” I started and Garrett snorted. I tried really hard not to glare at him.

Garrett gave me a pointed look. “What? I’m not going to argue with you,” he said matter a factly.

“I suppose I deserved that,” I said, trying to unclench my jaw. Garrett snorted again, but this time I staunchly ignored it.

“I’ve had it in my head that we weren’t right for each other. That we were going in two different directions. That you had nothing going for you. That I was better than you.” I hated the harshness of my truth. I saw Garrett’s eyes harden and I knew my words hurt.

“But I was so wrong, Garrett. I’m not better than you. I think you’re entirely too good for me. You don’t judge people, or make them feel bad. You accept everyone. You were there for me during a really difficult time. And I’ve since realized that those days with you, had been the most at peace I’d felt since my dad died. I’d thank you again, if those words hadn’t become completely inadequate.”

I couldn’t tell if my confession meant anything to him. Per usual, Garrett’s face gave nothing away.

“I know this is most likely too little too late. I know I’ve spent a lot of time making you feel like a loser and I can’t erase that by saying I’m sorry. But I am. I am, Garrett. I’m so very sorry for ever making you feel less than what you are.” I ended in a rush, wanting to get it all out before I froze to death.

Garrett didn’t say anything. He was looking at me in an unreadable way. I didn’t push him to respond, knowing that it would ruin whatever this moment was.

“I’m not sure what you want me to say,” he broke the silence, his voice rough. Pushing his shaggy hair out of his eyes, he watched me with a hesitance that was both understandable and heartbreaking.

“I don’t know that I want you to say anything. I just needed you to hear me,” I said softly making Garrett laugh bitterly.

“Of course. Because it’s what Riley Walker wants. So we all have to bow down to her wishes and demands. To hell with what the rest of us want or need,” Garrett said angrily. I was taken aback by the hostility in his eyes. I had expected dismissal or frustration or a million other responses than his cold rage.

“I…” I started, not sure exactly what I was going to say. Garrett punched the wall beside him, making me go silent.

Well…shit.

“Do you even know how many times I wanted you to look at me, not as a loser with no future. Not as a guy in a band with no idea of what he wants in his life. I just wanted you, to just once, look at me as the guy who would give you the world. And for that to be enough,” he said with a passion that was so uncharacteristic for him that I had nothing to say. Not a single, goddamn thing.

“But it wasn’t enough. That first time, I get it, I was the rebound. I was the guy to help you forget. Even if you ended up forgetting all of it.”

“Not all of it,” I interrupted.

“No, maybe not, but you forgot the part where I told you how long I’ve wanted you. How I held you in my arms and knew for certain that I would never hold anyone else again. That for a single moment in time we were everything to each other,” Garrett’s voice broke and he looked away from me, as though he couldn’t bear it.

I opened my mouth and then closed it. Then tried again.

“I had no idea,” I said, wishing I could touch him. But I knew that wouldn’t be okay right now.

“No, because you were so quick to label it a mistake. And I agreed. Mostly because I was pissed that the girl who I had been ready to lay down my world for, dismissed me like yesterday’s trash. I get it. I’m a townie. I don’t go to Rinard College like the rest of those douche holes that you run around with. But f**king hell, Riley, I want to think that I matter. That I have merit.” He was yelling at this point and I worried someone would come outside to see what was going on. And that was the last thing I wanted.

“That’s what I’m trying to tell you, Garrett. That I know that! That I was wrong! I feel like shit for thinking that. Even for one second!” I cried out as Garrett turned away from me as though to go back inside.

Garrett’s shoulders slouched and his hair hung limply to his shoulders. He looked like a man defeated. “But I am a loser, Riley. I’ve wasted what my parents gave me. I never thought my life was lacking until you made me question all of it. You shouldn’t waste your time on me. Damien is much better for you than I could ever be.”

I shocked us both by smacking him. Yep, I smacked him across his pretty little face. His head flew to the side and my palm started stinging before I realized what I had done. Slowly, Garrett turned back to me, his brow furrowed, his eyes hooded. He brought his hand up to cup his cheek.

“What. In. The. Fucking. Hell?” he asked in a deadly quiet.

I cradled my stinging hand against my chest as I breathed heavily from the adrenaline rush. “Don’t you ever say that about yourself again. You are not a loser. If you say anything like that again, I’ll punch you,” I swore emphatically.

Garrett took a step toward me, his eyes heated and furious. “Who the hell do you think you are? You spend the past year making me feel like something on the bottom of your shoe. Now you physically assault me when I’m in agreement? You’re nuts, Riley. Certifiably insane,” he spit out.