Providence

Beth and Kim stood a few feet away. They didn’t protest, but they didn’t leave me alone. I assumed they thought they might get an insight on the strange situation with Jared if they stuck around to eavesdrop.

I stood in front of him, obstinately silent.

Jared scanned my face in confusion. He didn’t speak so I took a step toward the door. He pul ed me back.

His sweet scent floated around me and my chest tightened. Feeling something other than hol ow sent a wave of panic over me and I lashed out at him. “What do you want, Jared?”

He winced at my acerbic tone. “I’ve been patient. I’ve given you space. But it’s time we talked.”

I pul ed my coat from his grip. “You haven’t given me space! You’re everywhere.”

“I thought maybe you’d break down and talk to me. This has to stop, Nina,” he said, working to stay calm.

“You’re right. This has to stop. You can do your job without being in my life. You’ve done it before.”

Jared pul ed up my hand, viewing his ring stil firmly in place. “If you don’t care about me, then why are you so adamant in keeping your promise?”

“It’s stil a promise…no matter who it’s to,” I said, pul ing my hand away. My wrist ached at the remaining warmth from his grip.

“That ring wil be slightly inconvenient when you get married one of these days, don’t you think?”

“I can take it off if you’d like,” I shrugged.

Jared’s shoulders relaxed and the exhaustion set in. “Don’t act like you’re not hurting over this.”

“I…,” I should have lied to him and told him I was fine, but I couldn’t. The grief in his eyes was unbearable, so I retreated to the Ratty.

Jared’s hand shot out and grabbed the sleeve of my coat again, but this time I turned and jerked my arm down and away, and then yanked the door open. Beth and Kim quickly fol owed.

I sat between Ryan and Tucker, quietly picking at my food.

“Nina, you don’t eat much anymore,” Ryan said. “You look like you’ve lost some weight. I’m starting to worry about you.”

“I’m fine,” I mumbled.

He rol ed his eyes and threw his french fry to his plate. “I know you’re fine. You’ve been fine for a month.”

“I’m fine!” Al eyes in the room seemed to dart in my direction, looking for the source of the commotion. I stood and walked out, leaving my tray on the table.

I stormed past Jared and walked straight to my dorm, deciding to skip my afternoon class. Concentrating so hard on being void of any emotion took up so much of my energy that I tended to take naps more often than not. I rol ed into a bal under my blanket and cleared my mind. Before long, I drifted off.

I woke to a knock at the door. It was dark; I had been asleep for hours. My muscles felt heavy and congealed, so I waited for Beth to answer.

“Hey, what’s up?” she asked the visitor in a hushed voice.

“Is Nina here?” Ryan asked, peering around her.

“She’s sleeping,” Beth whispered.

“No, I’m up. Come in, Ryan,” I said.

Ryan stepped across the room, and I bounced when he plopped onto my bed. “You need to pul yourself together.”

“Shut up, Ryan,” I said, wiping the inevitably smeared mascara from my eyes.

He pressed his thumb gently under my eye to fix a place that I missed. “We’re going out. I want you to come with us.”

I shook my head. “No thank you. I don’t….”

“I know you don’t want to, Nina. You never want to do anything. But you need to,” he said, flattening the parts of my hair that were out of place.

“Things suck right now. You’re miserable, we al see it, but maybe if he thinks you’re happy he’l back off.”

I looked up at him. “What?”

“I just meant that he’s probably hanging around because he’s worried about you. You look so unhappy. If he thought you were okay without him… maybe he’d let you live your life.”

I grabbed his shoulders and pul ed him tightly to me, and then scrambled across the room to pul on my jacket.

“Walk with me,” I said, holding the door open.

He raised an eyebrow and stood up reluctantly. “Are you okay?”

“I’m perfect, let’s go,” I said, hurrying him out the door.

I pul ed him along by his hand, dragging him to the parking lot. When we got to my car, Ryan paused. “We’re going somewhere?”

“Just get in.”

He didn’t move. “You’re weirding me out, Nigh." “Please?”

“Wil you tel me where we’re going, first?”

“Some place we can talk. Just…trust me,” I said, aware that I seemed completely insane.

“Nina, I trust you. I just think you’re not yourself these days.”

“If you trusted me, you would be in the car by now.” I slid into the driver’s seat and waited. After a few moments, Ryan opened the door and sat beside me. I smiled at him and touched his hand. “Thank you.”

Ryan offered a half smile and squeezed my hand, holding it tightly the entire trip to my parents’ home. When we pul ed into the drive, he let go.

“Whoa,” he said under his breath.

I turned off the ignition and searched each window for any sign of Cynthia, but the house was dark. Ryan fol owed me up the stairs to my father’s office, and I closed the door behind him. He looked around, clearly nervous.

“Can we talk, now?” he asked. When I nodded, he let out a loud, frustrated sigh. “What the hel ’s going on with you, Nina? I’m serious…you’re starting to worry me. I wish you would let me help you.”

I closed my eyes in relief and whispered as quietly as I could. “There is something you can do.”

Ryan leaned in, keeping his voice low like mine, “Just name it.”

I kept my eyes closed, cringing at my coming request. “It’s real y…real y selfish. It’s horrible. It’s the worst thing I could ask of you, but I think it’s the only thing that wil work. It’s the only way he’l move on.” I peeked up at him, already fearful of his response.

“This is about Jared?” he said.

I nodded.

“Okay, let’s hear it.”

“I….” Ryan’s hopeful expression made me hesitate. I wasn’t sure I could go through with it, even if he agreed.

“Nigh, don’t be a pain in the ass. Just say it,” he said, staring me down.

“I need you to date me,” I breathed, barely above a whisper.

Ryan’s face instantly compressed. “What? Why are you whispering?”

I ignored his last question. “I need you to date me. You know, take me on dates, to the movies, eat lunch with me, walk me to class…and hang out with me in the evenings.” I forced a contrived smile. “I’l pay.”

“You need me to date you,” he repeated in monotone.

“Jared has it in his head that you and I belong together,” I said. Ryan’s face morphed into suspicion. “Just…trust me. That’s what he thinks, and the only way he would ever accept that I was moving on is with you. He said once that he would step aside if I chose you. It’s just for a few months—just until he gives up—and then you don’t have to do it anymore,” I begged.