Providence

“I do. But you belong with Jared. It’s your happiness that I’m worried about, and you’re not happy right now. You are the absolute opposite of happy,”

she said, touching my arm.

“I’m doing the right thing,” I said, wiping the tears. “I am.”

“How can it be the right thing when you’re so sad?”

For me, the discussion was over. I walked across the room to pul a pair of pajamas from the drawer.

“Nina, no. You’re not going to sleep. You sleep al the time. You’ve got to find another way to cope. Or just quit coping…go to him.”

“Shut up, Beth.”

Beth’s attention was drawn to the knocking at our door. I walked over, pajamas in hand, and opened the door. Ryan’s hat was pul ed low over his eyes so that al I could see was his perfect white smile and his deep dimple.

He thrust a smal stack of papers at me and smiled. “I brought notes,” he said, pul ing his hat up. “We have finals next week, you know.”

“Thanks,” I said, setting the papers on my desk.

“What are you up to this afternoon? You wanna go get some coffee?” he asked, his eyes fixating on the pajamas in my hand. “Oh, no. You’re not going to sleep.” With that, Ryan grabbed my pajamas from my hands and tossed them across the room.

“I’m tired. I didn’t sleep wel last night,” I whined.

“You’re always tired. You need to get out in the sun. It’s a nice day. We could go hang out on the greens.”

I shook my head, trying to push away any memories that thought created.

Ryan’s eyes narrowed, and then his mouth broke into a smile. “That’s it. You and I are going downtown, waste time driving around, and then I’m taking you to dinner.”

“I don’t think….”

“And then we’re going to the pub and getting smashed. You’ve had that kind of day,” he said, stil grinning.

Beth looked up at us from her book. “She’s had that kind of month. I’l cal Chad. We’l meet you there.”

“It’s a date,” Ryan said, wiping the mascara from under my eyes with both thumbs. “I’l be back in an hour. I want you dressed for a night out on the town.”

I raised an eyebrow. “Is that a demand?”

“Yes. I’m a demanding boyfriend and I demand that you have a fun-fil ed afternoon ful of slogan games, boutiques, good food and liquor. I’l even make you to get a manicure. Girls like that crap, right?”

“Oh! Can I go? I need a mani-pedi so bad!” Beth whined.

I shot her a dismayed look. “Are you serious?”

“I am so serious. Ryan and Chad can drop us off, go do boy things, and come back at dinner time. We can get polished and waxed and…I hate to say it, Nigh, but you need a makeover. I’m getting in the shower!” she said, grabbing her things.

“Be—,” I began, but she was already out the door. I glowered at Ryan. “I don’t feel like going out tonight.”

“Please?” he pleaded. He encircled me in his arms and swayed back and forth, pressing his cheek against mine. “One last hurrah before finals week? If you don’t have a good time, you can make me miserable for the rest of my life. Deal?” he asked, leaning me back until my hair touched the floor.

I had to smile. He was trying so hard to cheer me up. “Okay.”

A huge grin swept Ryan’s face and he righted us both. “I’l pick you up in an hour. See you soon,” he said as he disappeared down the hal .

Fifty-six minutes later, the door was under attack by loud, incessant knocking. When Beth swung the door open, Chad and Ryan were stil knocking on it with both fists.

“It’s open!” Beth shouted over the banging.

“Don’t you look awesome!” Chad said, kissing Beth sweetly on the cheek.

“Aw…you know I love it when you use the big words,” she laughed, wrapping her arms around him.

Ryan stared at me.

“What?” I asked, looking down at my little black dress. “Too much?”

“No! No…it’s just…I don’t think I’ve ever seen you in a dress. It’s nice.”

I shrugged. “I thought it’d make me feel better to dress up.”

“Did it?”

“I think so,” I smiled.

Ryan rol ed down the windows of his black Toyota Tundra and cranked the radio to the first rock song he turned to. The boys sang along, but I stil couldn’t understand the words. Beth and I giggled at the funny faces they made as they serenaded amused and sometimes bewildered pedestrians as we passed.

At the salon, Beth and I stepped out onto the sidewalk and waved as the Tundra disappeared around the corner.

“Those boys.” Beth shook her head before turning to me. “C’mon!” she said, yanking me inside.

I sunk into my seat as my hands and feet were brushed, scrubbed, filed, de-cuticled, polished and lotioned. Beth prattled on to the nail techs about our plans for the night, how wonderful her boyfriend was and her upcoming apartment hunt.

“You’re staying in Providence?” I asked, my eyebrows shooting upward.

She smiled. “Chad wants to get an apartment together. I didn’t want to say anything before… with everything going on.”

“You didn’t want to upset me.”

Beth bit her lip and nodded.

“You could have told me, Beth. I think it’s fantastic,” I said, grabbing her hand.

“You do?”

“You two are amazing together. You don’t need to worry about me, I’l be fine,” I said, squeezing her hand.

“Yeah…you being fine is exactly what I’m worried about,” she grumbled.

Two hours later, Ryan’s Tundra honked from the curb. Ryan opened the door for us and then hopped back in, turning the music down.

“Did you have a good time, Babe?” he asked, kissing my cheek.

“Yeah, it was fun,” I answered.

“Wel , you look gorgeous. I’m afraid to take you anywhere looking like that. I might have to fight somebody,” he said, winking.

“Quit it,” I smiled, rol ing my eyes.

We arrived at the pub, and I could hear the music thumping from the street. I knew Kim had beaten us there, because it was her crazy music filtering through the door. When we walked in, our friends were already on the dance floor, arms up, bouncing around. Ryan grabbed my hand and led me to the middle of the floor, twirling me around.

In that moment I was just like them. I was a normal col ege student, with my entire normal life ahead of me. I smiled, and it felt natural. I drank shots, toasted to the Big Brown Bear, and hugged my friends. It was bittersweet freedom.

The music slowed, and Ryan pul ed me to him. We were both sticky from dancing, and I pul ed the wet strands of my bangs away from my face.

Holding my hand up to the dim light, he smiled. “Those are some pretty nails you have there.”

“My boyfriend forced me to go to the spa today. He made me spend the afternoon with one of my girlfriends,” I teased.

“Real y? He sounds like a great guy. If I were you, I’d hang on to him…sounds like a keeper.”

I watched his face for a moment and then rested my cheek on his shoulder. Ryan wrapped his arms tighter around me and pressed his face into my hair.

“It wouldn’t be so bad, would it?” he whispered in my ear. “If we stopped pretending?”