Searching for Perfect (Searching For #2)(68)
Author: Jennifer Probst

Her eyes widened. Kate held out a tiny square of Ghirardelli dark. Her stomach lurched in enthusiasm, and her mouth pooled with saliva. “Sit down. We need to talk about something, and you really need this.”

Her mind clicked through the options of denying herself, but it was way too late. She reached out and snatched it from her friend’s hand, sat down, and slowly unwrapped the chocolate morsel. “Bribe accepted. You guys look super serious. Did someone die?”

“Yes,” Arilyn said gently. “You.”

Her mind jumped with confusion, but the heavenly scent of butter and cocoa drifted up, and suddenly she couldn’t care less what the conversation was about. The first bite slid over her tongue and melted. Her body heated and the image of Nate feeding her while she was naked on the chair slammed into her vision, and tears suddenly threatened. What a big baby. She had to get herself together. Work was definitely the answer. She’d squeeze in another mixer. The more people who found love, the better she would feel. What was Arilyn saying? “Did you say I died?” she asked.

“Your heart did. Sweetie, you’re not going to like this conversation, but it needs to be done. Three weeks have gone by since you kicked Nate out of your life. Besides being a bit, er, difficult and—”

“Bitchy as hell,” Kate supplied.

“Temperamental,” Arilyn corrected. “You’re working nonstop and staying way too late. You’re not eating properly either.”

“Yes, I am. I’m not starving myself. I’ve had the perfect amount of protein, fat, and calories to sustain a healthy, balanced diet.”

“You haven’t allowed yourself enough sugar or carbs to make you happy. I’m not talking about health or maintenance. I’m talking about joy.”

Kennedy took another bite of the chocolate. Her temper spiked. “I have no time for this touchy feely stuff. I appreciate your concern, and I’m sure I’ll get over it. I did the right thing, and at least I sleep well at night knowing he’ll be happy.”

“Screw this, A. I told you she’s hard-core and she doesn’t get subtle. I’m taking over now,” Kate announced. She jabbed a finger in the air at her. “Listen up. Slade had the same screwed-up ideas about our relationship. Believed he was doomed for failure, and that his crappy experiences proved we were never going to make it. So what did he do? I told him I loved him, and he walked away from me. Just like you did with Nate. Slade gave himself this bull about doing what’s best for me, but meanwhile, he was a little coward who didn’t want to take the risk.”

“I’m not Slade.”

“No, you’re not. You think you don’t deserve Nate. Screw that. You deserve happiness. You deserve him. You deserve a life. Is this what you think it’s about? Work, sleep, loneliness, and martyrdom? You’re not doing anyone any favors, and it’s time to stand up and go after what you want.”

Kate’s voice softened. “You have food issues. Body issues. Perfection issues. So, what? Does that make you unworthy of loving someone who wants to love you back? Love has nothing to do with perfect. It has to do with flaws, and overcoming failure, and fighting for what you want. You have always been the strongest person I’ve ever known. You used to go after what you wanted. Until now.”

Arilyn cut in. “Happiness doesn’t just tumble into your life, sweetie. You have to grab it.”

She stared back at her friends as a tiny flare of hope burst to life. Were they right? Was it as easy as making a conscious decision to leave the past and her insecurities behind and let herself be happy?

It was then that her friend brought out the knockout, championship punch.

“I felt the touch, Ken. With you and Nate.”

The air left her lungs in one swoop. The room tilted, and she grabbed onto the arms of the chair to keep from falling. “What did you say?”

“That night we did the role-play in the bar? I touched both of you and got electrocuted. That’s why I fell.”

“Impossible,” she whispered. “It can’t be.”

Kate bit her lip. “I’m sorry. I know we all made a pact I’d never tell either of you if I felt the touch with any men. I hate the idea of manipulating Fate or your feelings. I’m not supposed to get involved because it’s up to each lover to choose the other—touch or no touch. But I couldn’t let you walk away from this. Nate is your soul-mate. He belongs to you.”

Kennedy moaned and wrapped her hands around her stomach. In seconds, her friends were by her side, hugging and supporting her weight as the knowledge crashed over her.

She was meant to be with Nate.

Kate had never been wrong. Her touch was special, though they always joked about her being sort of a witch, they’d never doubted her ability to make a love match.

They were meant to be together.

The knowledge helped cement all the backed-up emotions the past three weeks had thrown at her. She’d been so wrong. So cowardly. Even after he’d stripped her barriers in front of the mirror, she’d still run away and ended up hurting the only man she’d ever loved.

But it was too late. Wasn’t it? The floodgates opened, and all her frustration and rage and pain poured out. She jumped from the chair and paced back and forth, muttering vicious curses from English all the way to the zingers in Italian she’d learned from Maggie.

Arilyn waited in semishock. Kate looked impressed by her vocabulary.

“Why can’t I do anything the normal way? Girl meets boy. Falls in love with boy. Girl is happy. I’m twisted. I made him be happy with someone else on purpose!”

Kate murmured in sympathy. “I know. I tried to do the same thing.”

“I have to do something! Go to him. Tell him. Beg his forgiveness.”

“Go,” Arilyn said.

“What if he doesn’t want me back? What if I hurt him so badly he’ll never forgive me?”

Kate squeezed her hand. “My mom once told me there are no guarantees in this life, but if you don’t try, you’ll always be empty. Tell him how you feel, sweetie. That’s all you have control over.”

Kennedy nodded. “Yes. Thanks guys.”

She tore out of the office.

“HEY DUDE. MIND IF I hang out here for a few hours?” Connor asked.

Nate straightened his jacket and threw on a touch of cologne. He’d gotten much better at not overdosing. “Sure. How come you’re not at the bar with Jerry or the apartment?”