Solitary Man(9)
Author: Carly Phillips

A child. Hers and Kevin’s. Nikki’s hand curled around the pink, blue, and white box. It was time to find out. “I’ll be back.” She took two steps forward, when he called out to her.

“Nikki.”

She turned.

“Forget what happened in the past. If you’re pregnant, I’ll be there.”

She couldn’t answer. Not yet. Because her dreams of children had always included two parents and a loving home. The kind she and Tony had grown up in. Kevin would support her; she didn’t doubt his word. True, he’d left after their one night, but no promises had been exchanged. He was a man of honor, despite what had passed between them. He’d be there for her now just as he said… but only because she was having his baby. Not because he loved her.

Kevin could provide the two-parent home of her dreams, but the warmth, love, caring, and devotion would be missing. She pushed back the nausea that seemed to be her constant companion and locked herself in the bathroom.

If she was pregnant, she’d be someone’s obligation once more. Worse, she’d be Kevin’s obligation, tolerated because of a baby they’d created, but not loved for herself. Oh, God. She wanted him, but not like that.

She opened the flaps on the side of the box. A quick read of the instructions, and easy compliance. She glanced at her watch. In three minutes she’d know. Nikki lowered herself onto the closed toilet seat and chewed on her thumbnail.

“Is it time?” His voice sounded from outside the bathroom door.

She drew an unsteady breath. Though she’d prefer to be alone when she found out, Kevin had as much right to know the results as she did. And she might as well not suffer these agonizing minutes by herself. “Come on in.”

The door opened and he walked into the small bathroom she shared with Janine. His gaze flew to the white stick lying on the counter top by the sink. “Well?”

She glanced at her watch. “Two more minutes.”

He propped one shoulder against the wall. Silence surrounded them and tension flowed thick until she couldn’t take another second. “What are you doing with yourself now that you’re back?” she asked. Maybe normal conversation would make the time pass more quickly. “I know you haven’t returned to the force, at least not yet.”

He shrugged. “I took a job with an old friend, as an in-house security consultant for his manufacturing company.”

She looked up, surprised that the man who’d always made his job his life had given it up. “And you enjoy the monotony after all those years as a detective?”

He shrugged. “It’s a living. How much longer?” he asked, obviously changing the subject away from himself.

“You know what they say… a watched pot never boils.” She forced a strained laugh, then glanced at the watch on her wrist. “Another thirty seconds.” The blood drained from her head, leaving her weak.

“Hang on,” he murmured. “Now tell me why you gave up teaching.”

She smiled, grateful for his sensitivity at this particular moment in time. She splayed her fingers over her jeans. “I had one semester of student teaching left and that’s a full-time obligation. I couldn’t possibly work nights, formulate lesson plans and be my best the following day,” she explained. “Tony was going to help me out for the semester and I was going to pay him back once I started working full-time in the fell. But he…”

She swallowed a painful sob before continuing. “He died. The small amount of money my parents had left me was almost gone, Janine was pregnant…” She shook her head. “Everything changed overnight”

“And it’s about to change again. Thanks to me.”

She shook her head, found herself reaching for his hand despite better judgment. His palm felt warm and dry in hers. “I never did understand why you blamed yourself. I read the reports. You weren’t in the car, Tony got the call, you had your radio on, but he took off before you…”

“Before I got downstairs. If I’d been in the car, he wouldn’t have had the chance to play renegade cop. I knew him well enough to know what he’d do and I ignored my gut… If I’d been in the damn car, he’d have had backup. He wouldn’t have been killed.”

Nikki lowered her eyes. She shook her head slowly. “Things happen for a reason, Kevin. It was his time. He knew the risks, knew better than to drive off and leave you behind. He should have waited for you.”

“And I should have been there sooner… Damn it, there’s no point in rehashing the past.”

She exhaled a resigned sigh. “You’re right. Especially when the future awaits.” Her gaze darted to the stick on the counter.

He released her hand only long enough to reach out and tip her chin up. Her gaze met his. “It’ll be okay.”

“Easy for you to say.”

“Now take a look.”

With shaking hands, she uncovered one end of the long, thin stick. She didn’t have to look for confirmation of what she already knew. They’d created a life. Together they would have to deal with that.

But how? Kevin knew nothing about family, and intimacy had caused him to run far and fast. She couldn’t expect him to welcome this turn of events.

“It’ll be okay,” he said again.

A tear leaked from one corner of her eye. She brushed at the moisture with her sleeve. “Would you stop saying that?” Needing time alone, she scrambled past him, heading through the door and into the living area without looking back.

“Where are you going?” he called after her.

“I have to shower and get some sleep before my shift starts again.” She worked in a frenzy, pausing to pick up stray socks, shoes and her purse.

“We have to talk.”

“Later. First I have a job to do, then I need time to think.”

“About what?”

She whirled around to face him. “That’s a stupid question. You might have figured out I was pregnant yesterday, but I had no idea until two seconds ago. And you ask me what I need to think about?” Her voice rose in pitch and her palms covered her stomach in a new movement, but one she was sure to become intimately familiar with in due time.

“You don’t want to know.” He exhaled hard. “Take the night off.”

“Impossible. I can’t afford it.”

“I can.”

“You’re not responsible for me, Kevin.”

“I promised Tony I’d take care of you and you’re having my child. That makes me responsible.”